So I recently tried joining a Discord of an artist that I follow, and I guess they must've wiped a bunch of the applicants, myself being among them. Whatever, no big deal.

I made the error of mentioning this on the Telegram, just "Man, I guess I'm not cut out for the discord, oh well..." Two minutes later, banned from Telegram. Granted, I did not articulate WHY I was likely banned, so the mods probably thought I was snitching on myself.

I know full-well that it's not personal, I know that with all my heart, but I don't deal with this stuff well. I get tied up in knots over nothing. Internalize this shit and feel like I did something wrong to warrant punishment. It sucks, because I start getting into my own head thinking about this stuff. And I WANT to maybe rectify it, but who's to say that my efforts wouldn't be seen as ban evasion or obsessive behavior? Who is to say that it would only reinforce their decisions to shut me out?

It's not just online either. This stuff translates to real life as well. Time and again I have skipped out on social gatherings and interactions because in my head I'll go, "Well what if I say something stupid? What if I fuck it up?" So I end up just not bothering.

My efforts are probably in vain, but Simone if you DO somehow end up seeing this, I literally, from the bottom of my heart, SWEAR that it was a mistake. I should have articulated on WHY I was removed from the Discord, I DID NOT do anything that warranted the removal, I was just most likely swept up with the rest of the Tourists. That's what you had written in the server, Tourists would be removed after a while, right?

I don't even care about regaining access, I just feel the need to prove I'm not a nuisance.