From the very beginning...it was the children who gave me my power. The Springwood Slasher, that's what they--wait, fuck that. You've all heard that long winded bullcrap before.

If you don't know who I am, then you haven't been getting enough sleep...or you just never watch movies. You dicks. For the feeble minded, I'm Frederick Charles Krueger, otherwise known to you simps as Freddy, the snarky dream demon from Elm Street. After my tussle with that behemoth bitch Jason, I've been taking it easy...enjoying the sweet life of fame and fortune, despite that fucker Robert Englund getting most of my residual checks. What a fuck stick.

I'm back in business now, baby. Thanks to the goading of my partner in grime ( puns are fun ) , Beetlejuice , and this pirate douche named Sparrow, I've set my sights on a new brand of victim: you guys. But hey I kid, I've calmed down since my sequels and such, and if you amuse me enough I'm willing to not cut first and ask questions later...for now. Keep in mind kiddies, I'm a bit more abrasive than our good ghoul Beetlejuice, so if I start talking smack, accept it: it's what I do, it's my thing.

I'll be cataloguing all my kickass adventures here, and otherwise shooting the shit with you bastards , all the way from my humble abode in Hell. Naturally, I'll be seeping into a dream or two , so if you see me , come up and say hi, unless I'm working; then I'll stab you in the jaw. Hell, I might even come to a con or two to check out what the buzz is concerning you fuzzy freaks, but it's kind of a bitch getting out of the underworld and dreams in general, so my appearances will be sporadic. So sad.

Other than that, enjoy yourselves...while you can. HAAAAhahahahaa!

Laughing sucks in text. God damnit.

-Freddy

[ OOC: Freddy Krueger is © to Wes Craven and New Line Cinema. All character attributes and portrayals created by the man who started it all , Robert Englund, and his worthy successor , Jackie Earle Haley. Bow to them. This character is being used purely for parody purposes and falls under the Fair Use Policy. It does NOT reflect the opinions, actions, or thoughts of the creators, studio, and/or original actors. ]