In case some people are still curious even though I haven't posted in ages.

Well these were pretty emotional 6 months.

Ben and I broke up over the holidays. After 11 years, it was even more painful than I had imagined. It was a tough decision, it did not happen the way I had hoped for, but all in all it is done. My plan was to wait until after the holidays so as not to spoil a generally happy time but something went wrong and things were precipitated. I'm glad we were both able to keep our cools and are in a good yet awkward and still emotionally heavy friendship now.
Ben has moved out to an apartment with 2 other friends of ours. A bunch of our friends live in that neighbourhood so there's always something happening and he is well surrounded by loving friends. I'm concerned about the fact his contract at THQ came to an end yesterday and he is now without income, but he's a resourceful fellow. I know he'll pull through. I can't help but feel guilty because everything happened to him at the same time, but it was bad timing, no ill intentions on my part. I had been realizing I was not feeling any love for him any more for a while and I did not want to keep on lying. I had tried to renew the flame again and again without success. We fell in love when we were 19... Now we're 30, things have changed along the years... I was unhappy and Ben was not getting the love he deserves from me any more. I'm hoping for better for the both of us. I haven't been in many break ups... I was not expecting things to be easy but I did not foresee how painful it would be. I naively believed that since it was coming from me it'd be easier. I feel like a failure, I was so proud of our long term relationship.

I have a new beau courting me.
I've always been very close to this co-worker, we really see things eye to eye, we feel free and confident in each other's presence, we easily open up to each other and share things we never even dreamed of sharing without hesitation. We recently found out we have physical attraction to each other too... *blush*
We're being careful and taking things as slow as we can. I do not wish to wake up one day and realize I've been lying to myself and this is just a rebound from my previous relationship failure.
I think it's kind of sad but I can't help but notice I feel with Menahem very close to as I felt with Ben 11 years ago... This is both scary (I fear the rebound more than anything in the world and I do not want to go through the same experience in 10 years from now) and reassuring because I feel like what I had with Ben was a good base, we just could not communicate things enough I fear. And right now with Menahem, already I've shared things I had barely mentioned to Ben once after 10 years... So I'm cautiously hopeful.
The both of us have grown from each other. Menahem is getting much more comfortable with who he is and is able to stop the worries and truly relax. I am also growing more confident and feeling pretty and learning to accept and embrace parts of my personality who I did not dream even acknowledging before. It's a liberating experience for the both of us, it feels great.

Menahem is moving in with me this month. It's very quick and we're not super cheerful about that, but the timing is too good to pass. Now that Ben is gone, I need a room-mate to handle the expense. And Menahem and I are close friends and we get along really well. We see eye to eye when it comes to chores and handling money so odds are we'd be ideal room-mates for each other. Menahem lost his apartment in January because he had only a verbal contract with his landlord and the landlord sold the building. He is currently living with his parents and is eager to get back to his own life in his own home. So the timing is just perfect for both of us. The only downside is we wanted to take the relationship thing slowly and living in the same apartment is obviously going to rush things forward.
He is still moving in as room-mate, with his own room and all, because we want to still be able to have each our own territory and take some alone time even while living under the same roof. We're conscious this is silly and odds are it's not going to work, but we both feel it's important to try and keep that door open in case the intimate relationship doesn't work for some reason or another.

All in all, things are falling into place for me and I'm finally happy with a job I love and a new love story. I'm growing more and more confident in who I am and finally exploring things that have been part of me forever but I have never dared look at.

I feel like I have upset some sort of balance though because it seems everyone around me is going through rough times and there is so much sorrow and pain and sickness and dark times... It has been bad news over bad news over bad news since the holidays... I'm looking forward to some peace of mind and relaxation. Once Menahem is moved in and settled, I think at least in my apartment things should start to settle down. Hopefully the life of the people I love will do the same.