Normally I'd have a cute description here about the commissions I upload, but this time it is different. Bittersweet, perhaps.

As of 1/8/2021 my partner, Lynette, broke things off with me.

Ten years, 1/3 of my lifetime I spent with her, came to an abrupt end. There's a lot of backstory but this isn't the time to pick apart the events that lead up to this, however this I will mention: communication is and always will be the most important thing between two people in any sort of relationship. As soon as one gets used to bottling things up, gets into a routine of just keeping to themselves all the time, things will get bad over long periods of time.

The weekend when Lynette broke things off with me was painful. I couldn't sleep right. As I'm writing this, I still share the same apartment with her, but within the next few months, that will change.

That Friday night, my friend Sky,  CombatRaccoon was doing her daily art streams. She got wind of my post on twitter about Lynette, she reached out to me, as did many, many of my friends. Almost overwhelmingly so. Friends in my community discord server reached out, mutuals and followers from twitter reached out, friends on telegram reached out. It was, oddly calming seeing so many people worried sick about me. Yes I have a decent platform on twitter, my twitch channel has really taken off, my community discord server has been bustling, but struggling with my depression, anxiety and impostor syndrome before all of this happening, I constantly doubted if people really cared about me. In the darkest time of my life, somebody I was for certain going to be with me for many more decades, left me, all my doubts, my anxiety was broken. Again, bittersweet.

During Sky's stream, a few anonymous people donated money with the messages of "this is for a commission for Russell" and sure enough, Sky did one. The picture here was the result, I still tear up every time I come back to see it. The expression on his face is one of finding happiness but underneath, there is still pain and healing happening, but he smiles anyway. The butterflies, as Sky put it, was a reference to the butterfly effect for all the positive impact I've had on so many people I have befriended along the way.

A new chapter in my life is in the process of starting. I still don't know if I am ready, the path ahead for me to heal inside is long, more than likely treacherous for my mental health, but knowing I am not alone, even if the people that care about me are far away, will be the push I need to carry on and feel happiness in my heart once more.

Artwork by my close friend, Sky:  CombatRaccoon
Russell belongs to me,  XausR32