TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE MENTIONS.

I remember working on this art the day I attempted suicide for the second time in 2022... Obviously I didn't intend on finishing it, I was just killing time I guess. But here we are today.
(I taked about my first suicide attempt in 2022 here https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48626851/)

I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2015 when I got into hospital after my very first suicide attempt. I never talked about it publicly before, I was too afraid that people would get scared of me and stop buying comms from me. But this diagnosis does not define who I am. However, schizophrenia was the cause of my suicide attempt on the 1st of October 2022. And I am really sad it happened. It didnt have to happen. I've been attentding to daily group therapy, I was seeing friends, I had plans and goals, I even bought a pet a week earlier (that sadly got returned to the breeder as my family couldn't take care of it)... I hurt myself in a way that my larynx is damaged and I might not talk normally ever again. I damaged a spine in my neck too, and had to wear a neck brace for a few weeks. I was in coma for about 3 days after the attempt and had to lie in a bed for weeks, it took some time before I could walk again. So I am really... Lucky... to be Alive. That I am functioning. I can speak, badly but I can. I can walk, and I can draw too. I recovered.
Back to the schizophrenia topic though... I should have sensed that something's not right. I had an inserted thought that told me I don't want to live anymore. And like a stupid idiot I am, I thought it was my own thought. So I believed I wanted to die, and took measures to take away my own life once again. And once again I was saved by strangers calling for help... This time I spent 2 months at the hospital.
I lost my apartament and I am living with parents again. I have a small room, the bed keeps creaking, nearly all of my stuff is packed in boxes because I have nowhere to unpack most of it. But for once, I feel content. All I need to be happy, is to be able to draw. I have plans for my life again. My business currently is suspended, meaning I can't take commissions atm, so I don't have to pay for taxes and other things, and I can finally focus on finishing the old owed commissions. When I finish that, I'll start taking on stream commissions once again. I'll pay back my family the money I borrowed. Next, I'll save money to visit my best friend lucifxx in Canada, and finally, when I get back home from vacations, I'll start saving up for my own house. Yes, I might spend 2-3 years living with parents in order to save for such a big goal, but it's gonna be worth it! So yeah, I've been though a lot in 2022. Hence I'm starting 2023 on a positive note! I want to be the good thing in other people's lives too. No more wanting to die.

I am Lucky to be Alive, and I have Hope... the only thing missing is some Sour jellies haha cx
(Lucky, Alive, Hope and Sour are names of my fursonas)