Self Actualization Quotes

“You can’t understand this yet, but that’s most of life: breaking your own promises to yourself.”
― katherine center, Happiness for Beginners

“The central inner conflict is one between the constructive forces of the real self and the obstructive forces of the pride system, between healthy growth and the drive to prove in actuality the perfection of the idealized self.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“My mother maintained the sort of parental mind-set that I now recognize as brilliant and nearly impossible to emulate - kind of unflappable Zen neutrality... She wasn't quick to judge and she wasn't quick to meddle. Instead, she monitored our moods and bore benevolent witness to whatever travails or triumphs a day might bring... When we'd done something great, we received just enough praise to know she was happy with us, but never so much that it became the reason we did what we did.”
― Michelle Obama, Becoming

“I define me. No event or person does this. I define me. I decide who I am and how I'm going to behave, and I choose to be better. To look more carefully, to trudge deeper. To think about other people's past and not judge someone for doing or handling something differently than I would. To understand my limitations, my shortcomings - that is my growth edge.”
― Chelsea Handler, Life Will Be the Death of Me: . . . and you too!

“When people think you're a "good person", they're essentially putting you inside of this jar with a label on it and the ingredients on that label are whatever the fuck they think "good person" means. Of course it always just basically means "this person was born to make me feel good in any circumstance of my life." And then they pound you into that jar--every inch of you-- and think you've gone spoiled rotten when the time arises that you're no longer making them feel good, for whatever reasons that may be. And that's "good person" from other people's perspectives. Meanwhile, "good person" in first person perspective is basically "hypocrite". It's basically "let me enact these roles I think I am supposed to perform so God and mama Mary and and the neighborhood will believe I am a good person." I am always described as a "good person" and from any perspective that's coming from, I hate hearing that. I hate it. It either means they think they can stuff me in a jar and mix me with their kool aide; or it means I am sticking myself in my own jar and mixing myself with everyone's kool aide. I am a fucking wonderful person-- that is what I am. And that is exactly how to say it: "fucking wonderful"! Not just wonderful. Fucking wonderful. It's not good; it's full of wonderment! It's not bad; it's full of wonderment! So, am I a good person? I have a heart that bleeds with others and a soul that gives people homes. I don't need to be good. I need to be wonderful.”
― C. JoyBell C.

“I hope I never hold anyone down; I hope I never cut someone's wings. I hope I never take anyone's freedom; I hope I never cover someone's eyes and ears. I hope that I never keep anyone from having their true love; I hope that I never cage someone's heart. I hope to be the wind and the air; the window and the song; the field in which love may roam, run and then bury itself.”
― C. JoyBell C.

“The reality of the world is the result of our attachment. It is the reality of the self which we transfer into things. It has nothing to do with independent reality. That is only perceptible through total detachment. Should only one thread remain, there is still attachment.”
― Simone Weil, Gravity and Grace

“In order to make a lasting contribution to humanity, we cannot allow other people’s expectancies to limit our development or restrict our dreams. We must live our own lives unaffected by other people’s expectations.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“Through trial with death, you discover your power. Through trial, you shed your mortal flesh, layer after layer, until you become who you are supposed to be.”
― Amy Tan, Saving Fish from Drowning

“Radical acts of self-transformation do not occur spontaneously, meaningful change requires a specific and deliberative act of will.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“I didn't know that my brother's death was defining me. I didn't know that I had the ability to say no to being defined by death. Now I was with a person who could help me process what happened and turn the parts of me that acted like a nine-year-old into a self-actualized adult who had come to a better understanding of what it means to dig deep and admit your pain - thereby beginning the process of relinquishing it.”
― Chelsea Handler, Life Will Be the Death of Me: . . . and you too!

“Self-doubt and lack of conscious awareness undermine a person’s quest to live a life of dutiful service. Self-assurance infuses us with poise and the strength of character to blunt our destructive impulses. Self-awareness allows us to be cognizant of the whirlwind of infinite beauty that surrounds us and reinforces us with the forte to apply our vibrant life force in an expressive motif that exposes the mistiness of our inner soul to the outer world.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster

“We are conscious beings always experimenting with the mystery of becoming our ultimate manifestation.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“To sacrifice myself is the most radical way that I can exchange what I’ve become for what I was supposed to become.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

“A person’s selection of a vocation is a crucial step with significant ramification relating to their degree of financial success, personal happiness, and sense of contributing the best part of themselves – their unique talent – to the community.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“None of us can discover personal bliss by blindly following the footsteps of other people. We must dare to be originals for we have only one life to live. Living a life that placates other people is fool’s gold.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“Lack of fear enables a heroic person to display the muscularity of a brawny soul willing to fight against injustice, lifting themselves and the people that they truck with above the fray of petty tyrants.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“Our performances of engaging, applying, exercising, realizing, or acting out ideas influences how we perceive ourselves. How we act and how we perceive ourselves affects how other people view each of us. Both personality and praxis affect our self-determination of who we are as individuals.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“Consciousness is the fabric of human reality. Consciousness allows humankind to engage in reason, make sense out of things, apply logic, verify facts, and adjust our actions based upon deliberate decision-making and hierological beliefs. We possess the ability to change our perspective, modify how we think, and alter our emotional responses. People can assimilate their thoughts and align their goals premised upon guiding beliefs or ideals that characterize a community or personal ideology based upon practical skills, wisdom, virtue, goodness, and community goodwill. Humans exhibit a creative spark that enables them to employ both their hunches and rational thoughts to adjust to changing situations. We can make logical, aesthetic, moral, and ethical judgments. The ability to modify their thinking patterns empowers all humans to alter their functional reality. By integrating our consciousness around our purpose in life, we can each become congruent in our daily thoughts and deeds.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“Inner Architecture is the skill of crafting your soul into a place so real and so tangible that you step into this area every time you look into your own eyes and other people step into this place every time they encounter you. What kind of place are you? What are the smells, sounds, colours? What kind of people can access this place and how do they get there? How does this place feel to all those who step into it? How does it feel to you? Is there food? What kind of food? What does the food taste like and what does it do for you? Each person is a place. It is not a matter of asking "what kind of person am I?",rather, it is a matter of asking, "what place am I?”
― C. JoyBell C.

“Sharon passed around a handout: "Triangle of Self-Actualization" by Abraham Maslow. The levels of human motivation. It resembled the nutrition triangle put out by the FDA, with five horizontal levels of multiple colors. I vaguely remembered it from my one college psychology course in the 1970's.
"Very applicable with refugees," Sharon said. "Maslow theorized that one could not move to a higher level until the prior level was satisfied. The first level, the triangle base, is physiological needs. Like food and water. Until a person has enough to eat and drink, that's all one would be concerned with."
I'd never experienced not being able to satisfy my thirst or hunger, but it sounded logical that that would be my only concern in such a situation. For the Lost Boys, just getting enough food and water had been a daily struggle. I wondered what kind of impact being stuck at the bottom level for the last fourteen years would have on a person, especially a child and teen.
"The second level is safety and security. Home. A sanctuary. A safe place."
Like not being shot at or having lions attack you. They hadn't had much of level two, either. Even Kakuma hadn't been safe. A refugee camp couldn't feel like home.
"The third level is social. A sense of belonging."
Since they'd been together, they must have felt like they belonged, but perhaps not on a larger scale, having been displaced from home and living in someone else's country.
"Once a person has food, shelter, family and friends, they can advance to the fourth level, which is ego. Self-esteem."
I'd never thought of those things occurring sequentially, but rather simultaneously, as they did in my life. If I understood correctly, working on their self-esteem had not been a large concern to them, if one at all. That was bound to affect them eventually. In what way remained to be seen. They'd been so preoccupied with survival that issues of self-worth might overwhelm them at first. A sure risk for insecurity and depression.
The information was fascinating and insightful, although worrisome in terms of Benson, Lino, and Alepho. It also made me wonder about us middle-and upper-class Americans. We seldom worried about food, except for eating too much, and that was not what Maslow had been referring to. Most of us had homes and safety and friends and family. That could mean we were entirely focused on that fourth level: ego. Our efforts to make ourselves seem strong, smart, rich, and beautiful, or young were our own kind of survival skill. Perhaps advancing directly to the fourth level, when the mind was originally engineered for the challenges of basic survival, was why Prozac and Zoloft, both antidepressants, were two of the biggest-selling drugs in America.
"The pinnacle of the triangle," Sharon said, "is the fifth level. Self-actualization. A strong and deeply felt belief that as a person one has value in the world. Contentment with who one is rather than what one has. Secure in ones beliefs. Not needing ego boosts from external factors. Having that sense of well-being that does not depend on the approval of others is commonly called happiness."
Happiness, hard to define, yet obvious when present. Most of us struggled our entire lives to achieve it, perhaps what had brought some of us to a mentoring class that night.”
― Judy A. Bernstein, Disturbed in Their Nests: A Journey from Sudan's Dinkaland to San Diego's City Heights

“I close my eyes. Golden light shines through my eyelids in wavering patterns of red and yellow. Figures dance and sway in the light, dark eyes flashing. I feel Victoire’s eagerness rise as if it were my own. It ebbs almost in the same instant. What do I care for the pulse of a beat, for the eyes of many, for the touch of heat and sweat? That is Victoire’s passion, not mine. I will not succumb. I am not Ravel’s dream of me.”
― K.A. Wiggins, Blind the Eyes

“No one wants to live out a narrow life, have his or her life story read as a stale cliché. The test for a self-fulfilled person is to establish their objectives, stay true to personal goals and values, while operating in a society that might embrace them, hate them, or might be utterly neutral, unacquainted, and indifferent to their existence.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“What is the wisest choice for a personal life goal? Should a person seek self-actualization or self-realization? Perhaps neither goal is a realistic objective, especially if human beings lack free will. What I do know is that there is dark pit so deep inside myself that I must fill it. I can pad this black hole with dread or pleasure, booze or drugs, religion or vice, action or indolence, love or hatred. Alternatively, I can fill bleakness and emptiness by increasing self-awareness and ascertain my role in the world. With limited energy resources and lack of mental acuity, I might never attain a plane of higher consciousness. I fear remaining forever blocked in a state of psychological deadlock, forevermore exhibiting prolonged mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders and plagued by psychogenic abnormalities brought about from social rejection, grief, vocational lapses, and economic and marital setbacks. In a state of mental incapacity, I might lack the ability to blunt immediate personal destruction. I need to begin a journey that leads to a higher state of awareness, and personal survival depends upon how much progress I achieve purging my mind of falsities and other toxic impurities. While personal survival necessities moving forward in order to discover a mental state of silent stasis and reach the desired endpoint of emotional equanimity, perhaps I will never achieve a mirror-like purity of the mind that is capable of reflecting the world as it really is, without distortion by a corrupted mind.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“Given the distinct pressures to specialize in various professional fields, we are losing track of the advantages of developing in the entirety of the human psyche.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“We cannot judge each minor or even major vignettes of life as a final statement of our worth. The totality of our deeds comprises our final scorecard. If a person struggles in the earnest quest of accomplishing their ultimate destination, their demonstrative sincerity exhibited traveling with an open mind and displaying disciplined application of assiduous effort to improve their own self, while unselfishly avoiding harming other people provides a measure of satisfaction, even if a person fails to attain his or her ultimate visage.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“Nature and nurture sway us. Our environment and genetic blood bank establish the delineating parameters that make us. Throughout life, many types of opposing forces tattoo us. Rationality and logic allow us to quantify our experiences. We erase many experiences through casual indifference or employ tremendous emotional energy to repress ugly remembrances. Our ability to invent and imagine imbues every person’s spiritual construction with a distinctive lining. Every person is a wee bit crazy; most of us embody a tad of manic forces coursing within us. How these discordant elements of rationality and madness crystalize and fuse together or rebel against each other in the human mind is the mysterious paradox, the prototypical riddle wrapped in an enigma.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“I’d tell men and women in their midtwenties not to settle for a job or a profession or even a career. Seek a calling. Even if you don’t know what that means, seek it. If you’re following your calling, the fatigue will be easier to bear, the disappointment will be fuel, the highs will be like nothing you’ve ever felt.”
― Phil Knight, Shoe Dog: A Memoir by the Creator of Nike

“A movement’s call for action evokes an eager response in the frustrated, for they see in action a cure for all that ails them. It brings self-forgetting and gives them a sense of purpose and worth. Indeed it seems that frustration stems chiefly from an inability to act, and that the most poignantly frustrated are those whose talents and temperament equip them ideally for a life of action but are condemned by circumstances to rust away in idleness.”
― Eric Hoffer, The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements

“We reclaim genuine space for our identities not by rushing headlong into simplistic remedies, but by engaging in the less glamorous spadework of paying attention to our feelings, clarifying what matters to us, asserting our point of view, and negotiating for change.”
― Daphne de Marneffe, The Rough Patch: Marriage and the Art of Living Together