Suicide Notes Quotes

“Then he asked me which one I thought was most likely to happen. I wish I knew. I really do. But I don’t. You’d think that after living with these people for fifteen years I’d know a little something about them. But right now I feel like I don’t know my parents at all. I guess
when you get down to it, I’ve never really thought about them as people. They’ve always been my parents. Now I have to think about them as people with feelings. What a pain.
The funny thing is, I bet they feel the same way.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“I’m not even sure I want kids, by the way, even if I’m not the one who has to be pregnant. It seems too risky. I mean, what if you end up with a kid that’s just plain bad? Or stupid? It’s not like you can give it away or put it in a garage sale or something. You’re pretty much stuck with it for a long time.
I know now they have all these tests they can do so you can find out if your kid has three arms or is retarded or whatever, but you can’t test for everything. You can’t test for crazy, for example, or for bad taste in music and clothes and stuff. You can’t know if your kid is going to be someone you would actually want to have hanging around. You just have to take your chances. That seems like a pretty big gamble to me.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“Anyone can be crazy,” she answered. “That’s usually just because there’s something screwed up in your wiring, you know? But suicide is a whole different thing. I mean, how much do you have to hate yourself to want to just wipe yourself out?”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“When she saw me, my mother stood up and started to come toward me, but then stopped. I think maybe Cat Poop had told her not to make any sudden movements because they might scare me, like I’m a wild animal or something, because she kept looking at him and then at me. Finally she just said, “Hello, Jeff,” and sat down again next to my father.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“Afterward I just lay there watching everyone kiss while I died, thinking how
cool it was to be on my bedroom floor bleeding while everyone in America
celebrated the end of my life”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“Cutting myself felt so good. It was the sweet way the razor opened up the skin and this red line appeared, like I was pulling a piece of thread out of my wrist. The blood came really slowly, not in some spastic blast like I thought it would. It didn't even really feel like my arm. It was like I was watching someone else's arm in a movie. I kept thinking how great the camera angle was and wishing I had some popcorn.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“What are you scared of?” he asked me. I sighed really deeply, like it was totally hard for me to let my feelings out. “Everything,” I told him. “I’m scared of everything.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“I feel like I'm always trying to keep control of my life. Sometimes I'd like to be able to just let go and fall.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“I mean, if I’m going to go to all the trouble of being gay and everything, I might as well tell people.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“I’m just saying that sometimes forgetting how much things hurt makes you do them again. And that’s not always such a hot idea.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“When I was a kid, I used to watch that show, sitting on the couch in my pajamas and wishing more than anything that one day I'd just change into this other person. I thought that would explain everything. You know, about why I felt so different. Then I'd find out that my mother was really an alien or that I'd been bitten by a radioactive spider as a baby and it would all be okay because I'd be able to fly and see through walls.. But it never happened. I just went on being me my whole life, until one day I realized that all those superheroes were doing was fighting themselves, and that getting to breathe underwater or shoot fire from your fingers didn't really make up for being screwed up in the first place. It was just the consolation prize - you got the great costume and the invisible jet for being a loser in everything else.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“Why is it that you have to warn people about who you are? Why can’t it just be something that happens?”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“That’s why teenage dating is so dumb, because it’s doomed to fail. You’d think people would have learned that by now, but I guess they haven’t. They go right on falling in love and thinking it’s going to survive high school.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“you either are or aren't”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“Astronotların uzayda salınıp yeryüzüne döndükten sonra, burası onlara çürüyen bir et gibi koktuğu için midelerinin kötü olduğunu okumuştum bir yerlerde. Biz diğer insanlar, her gün soluduğumuz için bu iğrenç kokuyu fark etmiyoruz; hava bize normal geliyor, ama aslında içine saldığımız bir sürü çöp, kimyasal ve kirletici maddeyle dolu. Sonra, dünya birinin eski arabasıymış da, dikiz aynasına büyük boy bir çam kokusu asıyormuşuz gibi etrafa başka saçmalıklar sıkıp havanın daha iyi kokmasını sağlamaya çalışıyoruz.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“I didn’t ask to be saved.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“What might look like the perfect life—or even an okay life—to you might not be so okay for the person living it.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“I think it pisses people off when you kill yourself because it takes away their chance to control your life, even a little bit. They don’t like it when you end things the way you want to and don’t wait for the way it’s “supposed” to happen. What if suicide is the way it’s supposed to happen? Do they ever think of that?”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“But killing someone is wrong, and I don’t think suicide is. It’s my life, right? I should be able to end it if I want to. I don’t think it’s a sin.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“It’s sort of perfect, when you think about it. Isn’t falling in love a lot like losing your head?”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“I asked the doc, and he said that when people hurt us, the best thing to do isn’t to ask why they did it but to remind ourselves that it wasn’t our fault.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“Straight guys don’t have to sit their parents down and tell them they like girls. Everyone just assumes that they do. But if you’re gay, everybody makes this ginormous deal out of it. You practically have to hold a news conference and take out an ad in the newspaper. Why? Just because it’s not what most people do? That doesn’t seem fair.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“That sounds so weird: “kill yourself.” It makes it sound like you tried to murder someone, only that someone is you. But killing someone is wrong, and I don’t think suicide is. It’s my life, right? I should be able to end it if I want to. I don’t think it’s a sin. Everyone seems obsessed with it, though. I mean, think about it. We keep people alive on death row just so we can kill them later. We put prisoners on suicide watch so they can’t do themselves in before we get the chance to put them on trial. That doesn’t make any sense. Why is it okay to put someone to death, but it’s not okay for those people to do it themselves? I’ll tell you what I think. I think it pisses people off when you kill yourself because it takes away their chance to control your life, even a little bit. They don’t like it when you end things the way you want to and don’t wait for the way it’s “supposed” to happen. What if suicide is the way it’s supposed to happen? Do they ever think of that?”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“- “I am,” I said. “I’m the problem.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“Even though I've changed a lot in here, I'm going back to a world that hasn't changed.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“They originally turned into superheroes when they were running from something they didn't like about themselves... All those superheroes were doing was fighting themselves.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“They don't like it when you end things the way you want to and don't wait for the way it's "supposed" to happen. What if suicide is the way it's supposed to happen? Do they ever think of that?”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“Just because your life isn't as awful as someone else's, that doesn't mean it doesn't suck.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“I tried to go back to sleep, but my mind was racing racing racing. Only I wasn't really thinking about anything specific. It was just this stream of words and half thoughts, like there were a thousand different channels in my brain and someone was flipping through them one after the next.”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“And just because your life isn’t as awful as someone else’s, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. You can’t compare how you feel to the way other people feel. It just doesn’t work. What might look like the perfect life—or even an okay life—to you might not be so okay for the person living it. God,”
― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes