LESSON

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Personal Relationships
During adolescence, young people learn how to form safe and healthy
relationships with friends, parents, and romantic partners. Both adolescent
males and females often try on different identities and roles during this time,
and relationship contribute to their development. Peers, in particular, play a
big role in identity formation, but relationships with caring adults – including
parents or guardians – are also important for adolescent development.

What’s In

In this lesson, you will be able to explore the value of having

relationships with your family, friends, and partners. You will also be able to
identify the ways how to become responsible in a relationship.

What’s New

Activity 1: “My Personal Views on Relationship”

Directions: Using a graphic organizer below, categorize the following
statements according to your personal view on relationship. Place the number
inside the heart if the statement expresses truth about a healthy relationship,
and place the number to the box if it does not relate to a healthy relationship.
1. Communication is important in every relationship
2. We must love our self-first before loving someone
3. Good relationship does not contribute anything to us having good
health.
4. It is important to forgive the ones that we love
5. Our loved ones have nothing to do with our stress.
6. Positive mindset is the tool to have a good relationship
7. Saying thank you is very important in every relationship
8. We are happy in our relationships when our loved ones allow us even
the things that can harm us.

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 What is it?

What do we mean by Personal Relationships?

The concept of relationship is very broad and complex. Personal
relationships refer to close connections between people, formed by emotional
bonds, and interactions. In our model there are three kinds of personal
relationships:

Family
• The concept of “family” is an essential component in any discussion of
relationships, but this varies greatly from person to person. The bureau
of the Census defines family as “two or more persons who are related
by birth, marriage, or adoption and who live together as one
household.”
• Some typical characteristics of a family are support, mutual trust,
regular interactions, shared beliefs and values, security, and a sense of
community.
Friends
• A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two people that is
often built upon mutual experiences, shared interests, proximity, and
emotional bonding.
• Friends are able to turn to each other in times of need.
• Note that online frined don’t count toward close ties – research
indicates that a large online network isn’t nearly as powerful as having
a few close, real-life friends.
Partnerships
• Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close relationships
formed between two people that are built upon affection, trust,
intimacy, and romantic love.
1.“Taking Charge of your Health and Well-Being”, accessed October 29, 2018,
https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/enhance-your-wellbeing/relationships/what-do-we-mean-
personal-relationships

25 Most Common Relationship Problems

Here is the list of the most common relationship problems most often
encountered by couples:
1. Affairs/ Infidelity/ Cheating. This includes emotional infidelity, one-
night stands, internet relationships, long- and short-term affairs and
financial infidelity.
2. Sexual issues, particularly loss of libido and including questions
around your gender, or your partner’s gender.
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs.

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4. Life Stages – you have outgrown each other or have changed
significantly for whatever reason.
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing events.
6. Prolonged period of Stress – work related stress, long term illness,
mental health issues, financial problems, problems with children,
infertility and many more
7. Bored in or with your relationship
8. Dealing with a Jealous partner
9. Having blended family issues
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as well as physical
abuse: The MOST serious relationship problem.
11. Knowing you should not have got married in the first place!
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances, children, health and many
other issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations – still thinking your partner/ spouse is the
princess/ knight and not seeing the ‘real’ human being
14. Addictions – substance abuse
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the relationship
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that
matter to you
17. Manipulation or over involvement in your relationships with family or
friends.
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores
and tasks.
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration/ attentiveness:
feeling that relationship is one-sided
21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas that lead to a
change in relationship dynamics
22. Long term depression or other mental health issues suffered by one
partner or both
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline/ dealing
with children
24. Long term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing
something positive to address the cause, or about learning to handle it
if it cannot be changed.
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or significant
problems after the birth of baby.

We wouldn’t be surprised if you have found that you are experiencing

several of these relationship problems, but you know what? However
difficult this time is for you we promise you that this too will pass. We are
rooting for you and we know that you will be happy again. You don’t have

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 to wait and hope for better times – together we can do something about it
now!
We can become better at solving our relationship problems by taking
responsibility for ourselves.

2. “Fixing your relationship issues” accessed October 30, 2018, http://www.professional-

counselling.com/common-relationship-problems.html

Ten Rules for Finding Love and Creating Long-Lasting Relationships

1. You must love yourself first

Your relationship with yourself is the central template from which
all others are formed. Loving yourself is a prerequisite to
creating a successful and authentic union with another.
2. Partnering is a choice must nurture the relationship for it to thrive
The choice to be in a relationship is up to you. You have the
ability to attract your beloved and cause the relationship you
desire to happen.
3. Creating love is a process
Moving from “I” to “we” requires a shift in perspective and
energy. Being an authentic couple is an evolution.
4. Relationships provide opportunities to grow
Your relationship will serve as an unofficial “life shop” in which
you will learn about yourself and how you can grow on your
personal path.
5. Communication is essential
The open exchange of thoughts and feelings is the lifeblood of
your relationship.
6. Negotiation will be required
There will be times when you and your partner must work
through impasses. If you do this consciously and with respect,
you will learn to create win-win outcomes.
7. Your relationship will be challenged by change
Life will present turns in the road. How you maneuver those
twists and turns determines the success of your relationship.
8. You must nurture the relationship for it to thrive
Treasure your beloved and your relationship will flourish.
9. Renewal is the key to longevity
Happily ever after means the ability to keep the relationship
fresh and vital.

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 10. You will forget all this the moment you fall in love
You know all these rules inherently. The challenge is to
remember them when you fall under the enchanting spell of love.

3. Department of Education, Republic of the Philippines, Personal Development Reader 1st

edition, Ten Rules for Finding Love and Creating Long Lasting Relationships (Quezon City: Sunshine
Interlinks Publishing House Inc., 2016), 69.

Activity 2: I Know The Signs Of A Healthy Relationship

Directions: Put a shape before each statement that you think is a sign of a
healthy relationship; put an X mark on each statement that you think is a sign
of an unhealthy relationship. Write this on your journal notebook.
1. Mutual respect is present in every relationship
2. Partners should place trust in each other
3. Each partner should speak honestly and openly
4. Your partner uses force to get his or her way
5. One partner tries to control aspects of the other’s life
6. Express your anger in a healthy way such as deep breath, counting, or
talking it out.
7. Each partner should take time to understand what the other might be
feeling
8. Your partner makes all the decisions
9. Your partner tries to keep secrets and information from you.
10. Your partner makes fun of your opinions and interests

Processing Questions:

1. What were your thoughts and feelings while answering the activity?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
_______________
______________________________________________________________
_____
2. What did you discover about yourself after doing the activity?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
_______________
______________________________________________________________
_____

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3. With previous activities, how would you describe your relationship with your
parents? Siblings? Possible or current romantic relationship? Friends?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
_______________
______________________________________________________________
_____
4. If your relationship is not doing very well, what can you do about it?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
_________________________

Keeping Healthy Relationships

Good relationships are fun and make you feel good about yourself. The
relationships that you make in your youth years will be a special part of your
life and will teach you some of the most important lessons about who you are.
All relationships should be based on respect and honesty, and this is
especially important when you decide to date someone.

In a health relationship, both partners:

o Are treated with kindness and respect
o Are honest with each other
o Like to spend time together
o Take an interest in things that are important to each other
o Respect one another’s emotional, physical and sexual limits
o Can speak honestly about their feelings

How To Communicate
Talking openly makes relationships more fun and satisfying; especially
when you both talk about each other’s needs for physical, emotional, mental
and sexual health. You can’t expect a partner to know what you want and
need unless you tell them. The simple fact is that none of us are a mind
reader – so it’s important to be open about your needs and expectations.
In a romantic relationship, it is important to communicate openly on
issues of sex and sexual health. The decision to enter into a sexual
relationship is entirely up to you, and you always have the right to say “no” at
any time to anything that you don’t feel comfortable with. Remember, there
are many ways to express love without sex.

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 Making the Decision
The decision of whether or not to have sex is up to you, and you alone.
Therefore don’t be afraid to say “NO” if that’s how you feel.
Having sex for the first time can be a huge emotional event. There are
many questions and feelings that you may want to sort out before you actually
get “in the heat of the moment.”

Ask yourself:
o Am I really ready to have sex?
o How am I going to feel after I have sex?
o Am I doing this for the right reasons?
o How do I plan to protect myself/my partner from sexually
transmitted infections or pregnancy?
o How am I going to feel about my partner afterwards?

The best way to prepare for the decision to have sex is to become
comfortable with communicating about your needs. If you don’t feel right
about something, say NO! Anyone who challenges your choices about
whether or not to have sex is not giving you the respect that you deserve. Pay
attention to your feelings, and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for making
decisions that are right for you.

There are countless nonsexual ways to show someone you love them.
You can show a person you care for them by spending time with them. Go to
the movies. Or just hang out and talk. If you are with someone you really like,
then anything can be fun.

How to avoid peer or date pressure

If you’re worried about being pressured or you are currently
experiencing it, know that you are not alone and there is something you can
do about it.
• Hang out with friends who also believe that it’s OK to not be ready for
sex yet
• Go out with a group of friends rather than only your date
• Introduce your friends to your parent
• Invite your friends to your home
• Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured to have sex
• Think of what you would say in advance in case someone tries to
pressure you.

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 • Always carry money for a phone call or cab in case you feel
uncomfortable
• Be ready to call your parents or a friend to pick you up if you need to
leave a date
• Never feel obligated to “pay someone back” with sex in return for a
date or gift
• Say “NO” and mean “NO” if that’s how you feel.

4. Department of Education, Republic of the Philippines, Personal Development Reader 1st edition,
Keeping Healthy Relationships, (Quezon City: Sunshine Interlinks Publishing House Inc., 2016), 72-75.

What’s More

Basic Rights In A Relationship

• The right to emotional support
• The right to be heard by the other and to respond
• The right to have your own point of view, even if this differs from your
partner’s
• The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real
• The right to live free from accusation and blame
• The right to live free from criticism and judgment
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
• The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered

In addition to these basic relationships’ rights, consider how you can

develop patience, honesty, kindness, and respect.

PATIENCE: Patience is essential to a healthy relationship. There are

times when others will respond to us in a way that is disappointing. When
this occurs, it is important to communicate our disappointment, but also to
give the other person space. Be willing to give the person some time to
reflect, indicating that you are ready to talk when they are ready. If the
person is never ready to discuss the situation, you may need professional
help to resolve the issue, or ask yourself whether or not you want to
continue the relationship.

HONESTY: Honesty is another essential quality in healthy relationships.

To build honesty in a relationship, you should communicate your feelings
openly, and expect the other person to do the same. Over time, this builds
trust.

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KINDNESS: Kindness is extremely important to maintaining healthy
relationships. You need to be considerate of others feelings and other
people need to be considerate of yours. Be kind when you communicate.
Kindness will nurture your relationships.

RESPECT: Respect is a cornerstone of all healthy relationships. If you

don’t have respect for another person, it will have a negative impact on all
of your interactions. Think of a time when you encountered someone who
didn’t respect you. How did it feel? What are some ways that you show
respect to others?

5. Department of Education, Republic of the Philippines, Personal Development Reader 1st

edition, Basic Rights in a Relationship (Quezon City: Sunshine Interlinks Publishing House Inc.,
2016), 76.

Activity 4: “The boat is sinking”

Scenario: You are spending a holiday with your (1) family, (2) friends,
and (3) partner in a yacht. You enjoyed the whole day but upon going
home, you encountered a storm. There are safety rings and an inflatable
boat but these are not enough. You called for help until a small boat came
for rescue.

Direction: In your journal notebook, you draw these pictures below and
decide for your family, friends, and partner for the following:
1. Who will use the safety ring
2. Who will ride the inflatable boat
3. Who will ride the small rescue boat
4. And where are you going to ride

Safety ring Inflatable boat Small boat

A. What were your thoughts and feelings while answering the questions?
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
__________

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 B. Which relationship is most important to you? Why?
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
__________
C. In what way, do you express your feelings, whether positive or
negative?
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
__________

What I Have Learned

Activity 3: “From now on, I Declare…”

Direction: In your journal notebook, accomplish the personal declaration

statement below citing how will you become responsible in your relationships

Name: _____________________

Grade Level: ________________

MY PERSONAL DECLARATIONS

I _____________________, hereby declare to do

the following actions in order for me to become
responsible in my relationships.

1.
_________________________________________
________________

2.
_________________________________________
________________

3.
_________________________________________

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 What I Can do

Often, when we think of being in a relationship, we think of only the

romantic form of love. But truly healthy relationships exhibit all kinds of love –
love of oneself, for children and family, for dear friends, romantic love and
intimacy, and compassion for the greater world’s needs.

During adolescence personal relationships can undergo significant

change and can be difficult for you to navigate. This is why relationships with
friends, family and significant others should be strengthened for this provide
great support for your personal development.

Activity 5: “My Relationship Artwork!”

On a piece of ¼ illustration board, sketch, draw, or design a poster

which shows one’s basic rights in a relationship. Here’s a sample below:

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