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E-book Dealing With Your Avoidant Partner

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Mrinmayee Ganage
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2K views11 pages

E-book Dealing With Your Avoidant Partner

Uploaded by

Mrinmayee Ganage
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Dealing with your

AVOIDANT
PARTNER
@thetherapistmommy

DR. MEGHNA
(THE THERAPIST MOMMY)
CONTENTS
@thetherapistmommy

01
What is Avoidant
Attachment?

02
Typical Triggers
of an Avoidant?

03
Relationship with an
Avoidant partner?
01 WHAT IS AVOIDANT
ATTACHMENT?
@thetherapistmommy

Avoidant attachment style is one of the


patterns of attachment developed in early
childhood that affects how individuals form &
maintain relationships throughout their lives.

SIGNS OF AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT –


HOW TO TELL IF YOUR PARTNER HAS
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT?
They are uncomfortable with emotional
closeness
Dislike opening up to others and expressing
thoughts and feelings
Find it difficult to trust and rely on others
Prefer to maintain boundaries in
relationships
May pull away if someone tries to get
emotionally close
Prefer to resolve conflict in the relationship
by themselves
Often seem distant, aloof, or even cold
See themselves as independent and self-
sufficient
May act disdainfully toward a
partner expressing emotions
BEHAVIOURS OF PEOPLE WITH
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT
Value Independence: People with an
avoidant attachment style place high value
on independence and self-sufficiency. They
feel uncomfortable with too much closeness
or reliance on others.

Avoidance of Closeness: They struggle to


form close, intimate relationships. Emotional
closeness feels threatening or overwhelming
and sharing feelings (or being vulnerable)
feels uncomfortable to them.

Avoidance of Conflict: They avoid conflicts


or difficult conversations to keep emotional
distance and maintain control.

Difficulty Expressing Emotions: They find it


challenging to express their emotions or to
understand and respond to the emotions of
others. They often minimize the importance
of relationships and are emotionally distant
(often as a way of protecting themselves
from potential rejection or hurt).
@thetherapistmommy
WHY DO AVOIDANTS
PARTNERS BEHAVE THE
WAY THEY DO?
Remember – an avoidant attacher’s
actions are directly influenced by their
childhood. They learned at a young age
that the people closest to them cannot
be depended on for emotional support
and affection.

So, as adults, such people feel like they


don’t need intimacy or affection from
others – they have turned off their
attachment system.
@thetherapistmommy
02 TRIGGERS OF
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT?
@thetherapistmommy

The following are the typical triggers of


someone with an Avoidant Attachment style:
A partner pushing for closeness or intimacy
A partner wanting them to open up
emotionally
Feeling like they’re required to be
dependent on others
Thinking that a relationship is taking up too
much of their time
Their partner demanding their attention
Feeling vulnerable and open to criticism
Losing their independence
Unpredictability or loss of control over a
situation

Any of these triggers could result in someone


with an avoidant attachment style either
withdrawing from a relationship, or even
breaking up with their partner.
However, once someone with this attachment
style starts to recognize their triggers and how
they react to them, they can regulate their
responses in more healthy ways.
03 RELATIONSHIP WITH AN
AVOIDANT PARTNER?
@thetherapistmommy

Understanding your partner with an avoidant


attachment style involves recognizing their
need for space and independence while also
fostering a supportive environment that
encourages gradual emotional openness.

Here are some tips to help you navigate


this dynamic:

A. UNDERSTAND AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT


Recognize Their Need for Space: People
with avoidant attachment styles often
need more space and independence.
They may feel overwhelmed by too much
closeness or emotional intensity.
Avoid Taking It Personally; their need for
distance isn’t a reflection of their feelings
for you; it’s a coping mechanism from
their past experiences.

B. BUILD TRUST GRADUALLY


Trust takes time to build, especially
for someone with an avoidant
attachment style. Be patient and
consistent in your actions.
C. COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY
Be Clear and Direct: Avoidant partners
appreciate straightforward
communication. Be clear about your
needs and expectations without being
overly emotional or demanding.
Respect Their Boundaries: Give them
space and avoid pushing them to open up
more than they’re comfortable with.
Respect their need for distance. It’s not
necessarily a sign that they don’t care; it’s
just their way of coping.

@thetherapistmommy
PRO TIP: DON’T TRY TO FIX OR ‘SAVE’ THEM
People often enter a relationship with the
belief that they can fix or “save” their
partner from their difficult past and help
them become a different person within the
relationship.

However, someone with an avoidant


attachment style needs to learn how to
manage their attachment triggers and
traits in effective ways. Gently encouraging
them, helping them to feel safe, and giving
them their space, will facilitate feelings of
security in the relationship.
D. ENCOURAGE OPEN COMMUNICATION
Encourage open dialogue by creating a
non-judgmental and supportive
environment. Let them know they can
share their thoughts and feelings without
fear of criticism.

Use “I” statements to express how you feel


without placing blame.

E. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP


Sometimes, it can be beneficial to work with a
therapist, either individually or as a couple. A
therapist can provide strategies for improving
communication and help you and your
partner understand each other better.

E. FOCUS ON SELF-CARE
Take care of your own emotional needs and
well-being. Engaging in activities you enjoy,
maintaining friendships, and seeking support
from loved ones can help you stay balanced.
@thetherapistmommy
SCENARIO 1: BEFORE USING
"I" STATEMENTS

PARTNER A:
(Feeling frustrated after partner B has been
distant for a few days)
You’ve been ignoring me lately. You never
want to talk or spend time together. It’s like
you don’t care about this relationship.

PARTNER B:
(Becomes defensive & uncomfortable)
“I’m just busy with work. I need space to
focus. You’re always demanding attention.
I can’t handle this right now.”

OUTCOME:
In this interaction, B feels attacked and
retreats further, which can deepen the
emotional distance between them.
Partner A’s frustration and accusations
might reinforce B’s avoidance, leading to
a cycle of miscommunication and
increased distance.
@thetherapistmommy
@thetherapistmommy
SCENARIO 2: AFTER USING
"I" STATEMENTS

PARTNER A:
(Feeling frustrated but deciding to use “I”
statements)
“I’ve been feeling lonely and disconnected
lately. When we don’t spend time together or
communicate much, I start to worry that you
don’t care about our relationship. I need
more connection to feel secure.”

PARTNER B:
(Hearing A’s concerns without feeling attacked)
“I didn’t realize you were feeling this way.
I thought I was giving you space, which I
thought was what you wanted. I want to
understand more about how I can support
you.”

OUTCOME:
In this scenario, B is more receptive because
A’s approach is non-accusatory and focuses
on their own feelings rather than blaming.
B is more likely to engage in a constructive
conversation, leading to a better
understanding of A’s needs and potentially
a solution that works for both of them.

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