Dealing with the
Effects of Bullying
Preventing
Preventing and
and Dealing
Dealing with
with Bullying
Bullying and
and Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying for
for All
All
by Mann Rentoy
www.mannrentoy.com
“Intelligence plus character
that is the goal of true
education”
Without morals, the
young do not learn how
to deal with others
correctly and
appropriately.
The Essential 6
Rs of Bullying
Prevention
How to Create Safe, Caring, Moral Learning
Climates and Reduce Bullying on Our School
Campuses
by Michele Borba, Ed. D.
The Essential 6
Rs
1. Set clear rules.
2. Teach how to recognize
bullying.
3. Teach how to report bullying.
4. Teach how to respond to
bullying.
5. Teach how to refuse bullying.
6. Replace current beliefs or
behavior.
Urgency
“Any failure to treat bullying, abuse
and violence seriously, because it
occurs between students, within
schools, is a violation of a child’s
human rights.”
cial banter
urtful teasing
Mean, subtle body language
Aggressive physical behaviors, e.g. pushing, shoving, kicking
Malicious gossip, e.g. online bullying, chat rooms
Sexual, gender, racist, religious harassment
Social exclusion – in person, electronic
Mobbing
Hazing
Extortion/bribery
Phone, cyber abuse
Damage to property
Physical violence
Use of weapons
Criminal act
Murder
“Any failure to treat bullying, abuse
and violence seriously, because it
occurs between students, within
schools, is a violation of a child’s
human rights.”
Here are a few
facts about
bullying:
It involves psychological,
emotional, social or physical
abuse
Here are a few
facts about
bullying:
The crucial feature is
perception: the target feels
powerless.
Here are a few
facts about
bullying:
The critical issue is the
extent of the damage done
to the target.
Here are a few
facts about
bullying:
About one in five students is
bullied regularly, and around
one in five bully regularly.
Here are a few
facts about
bullying:
A bully may or may not
intend to hurt.
Types of bullying
Verbal. This type of
bullying usually
involves name
calling and or teasing
* name-calling
* harassing, yelling, insulting
or nagging
* verbal demands or threats
* making a noise as the target
walks past, and
* phone abuse, nasty notes,
Types of bullying
Social. Spreading
rumors, intentionally
leaving others out of
activities on purpose,
breaking up friendships
are all examples of
social bullying.
* pretending to be friendly to the target
and then sporadically turning against
him
* as the target approaches, the group
giving him ‘the silent treatment’ and
turning their backs
* the bully saying something to the
target and walking off before he can
reply
* pointing, staring, sniggering,
· threatening poses, menacing gestures, ‘the
look’
· excluding the child from the peer group,
conversation, planned activities or games
· not sharing a seat while pretending to save it
for someone else.
· malicious gossip and rumours designed to make
other children denigrate the target, e.g. exposing his
secrets to others, and
· extortion and threats, e.g. ‘I won’t be your friend if
you don’t buy me a snack’, ‘You won’t come to my
party if you don’t give me your project to copy’.
Types of bullying
Physical. This
traditional form of
bullying involves
hitting, punching,
shoving and other acts
of intention physical
harm.
· pushing, shoving, kicking, pinching,
punching, bumping, knocking, hair-pulling,
physical restraint, tripping up, and the use
of weapons
· stealing books, lunch or other possessions
from a desk or locker
· interfering with or damaging a child’s clothes,
belongings in his desk, locker or elsewhere, e.g.
pushed over, broken or hidden
· taking away the chair as a child is about to sit on
it
· locking him in a room or cupboard, putting his
head in a toilet
Types of bullying
Cyberbullying. This
method of bullying
involves using the
Internet, texting, email
and other digital
technologies to harm
others.
How to spot a bully
* Aims to dominate,
command and control others
* Has minimal empathy
* Bullies siblings and
parents
* Has an inflated self-opinion
How to spot a bully
* Schoolwork and school
behavior deteriorate
* Associates with mean
friends he doesn’t invite
home
* Denies responsibility for
his behavior and blames
How to spot a bully
* May boast about his
bullying exploits
* ‘sucks up’ to teachers and
parents – is superficially nice
* Shows limited remorse
How to spot a bully
* is secretive about after-
school activities
* has unaccounted extra
money or gifts, e.g. from
extortion or stealing
* offers devious and
How to spot a bully
* resists compliance and
cooperation with parents
and teachers.
Bullying Behavior
to Watch Out For
bully’s eyes: cold and
aggressive, not kind and
friendly
facial muscles: fixed and
tense, not relaxed
mouth: snarls or mean, not
pleasant
Bullying Behavior
to Watch Out For
body language: dominating
and threatening, not calm
voice and words: demeaning,
hurtful, aggressive, not
friendly
manipulates target and cronies
into a state of regular fear
Bullying Behavior
to Watch Out For
blackmails target with words
or gestures, e.g. ‘Say nothing
or else!’
plans his attack
uses aggression to release
negative feelings and resolve
conflict
Bullying Behavior
to Watch Out For
enjoys abusing his power to
dominate, manipulate and
hurt, and
reacts angrily if caught, not
sad about hurting someone.
Refer to the Handout
How to Spot a Bully
Bullying Behavior
Types of Bullies: Saltwater
Crocodiles; Fowls that Play
Foul;
How to Spot a Target
How One Becomes a Target
The Effects
PHYSICAL EFFECTS
* cuts, scratches, bruises or other
wounds
* headaches, backaches, stomach
aches
* bedwetting, soiling
* loss of hair, skin disorders
* sleep difficulties, nightmares
PHYSICAL EFFECTS
* menstruation difficulties
* loss of appetite or over-eating to
compensate
* pale, taut and tense appearance
* poor posture, stooped, and
stress hormones reduce the immune
system’s ability to combat viruses
and other infections, so children are
INTELLECTUAL EFFECTS
Suffers reduced concentration,
learning and memory difficulties.
Lacks motivation to work or enjoy his
studies.
Focuses solely on his studies but
avoids extra-curricular activities.
INTELLECTUAL EFFECTS
Attends class irregularly and misses
out on schoolwork.
Moves to a new school to avoid
bullying but takes time to settle in
and adjust to a new curriculum.
Unless very diligent or intelligent, his
emotions handicap his studies.
INTELLECTUAL EFFECTS
Most children want to be like
everybody else.
They might do their work but keep a
low profile.
Targets don’t question, contribute or
complain to avoid attracting
attention.
Their schoolwork suffers.
INTELLECTUAL EFFECTS
The child with learning difficulties
hides his disabilities for fear of being
called ‘stupid’, so is denied extra
assistance.
Gifted, intelligent, sensitive children
fear exposing their knowledge. They
dread being ridiculed by jealous
students.
INTELLECTUAL EFFECTS
They don’t develop their potential;
they disguise their unique talents
and restrict their achievements.
Everyone misses out.
Although cooperative learning in a
group is an excellent way to learn,
some children fear group work where
they are expected to do all the
difficult work, and thus risk criticism
or mockery.
INTELLECTUAL EFFECTS
Sensitive children fear all feedback,
even if it’s constructive. They
sabotage their learning by hiding
their thoughts in order to reduce
further feedback.
Teachers assume that the bright,
bored, quiet or shy target is content.
They under- or overestimate the
target’s abilities, instead of providing
extra help or extension studies.
Social Effects
Bullying handicaps social skills, and
children with poor social skills are
more likely to be bullied.
The average child feels
uncomfortable around tense,
uptight children and rejects them;
perhaps he doesn’t trust or respect
them.
Social Effects
Some targets remain padlocked to
one friend, whom they obey in
order to prolong the friendship.
They are too scared to express
their opinions, possibly lose this
friend and be alone.
Some kids trail after a trendy
group, believing it’s better to be
bullied by the popular kids than to
be associated with nice ‘nerds’.
Social Effects
When targets inadvertently set
themselves up to be bullied
repeatedly, they get sucked into a
destructive downward spiral. As the
bullying escalates, the target
becomes more vulnerable and
powerless, thus his peer group
rejects him.
Social Effects
Many targets socialise with children
who have poor social skills and who
congregate at the bottom of the
social ladder. Unlike most normal
friendships, where children support
and protect one another, these
students can’t support the target.
Social Effects
They are the last to be chosen to
join a group project, join a game, or
share a cabin at camp.
Their social life on the weekend or
holidays is poor. They are not
invited to parties or sleepovers.
Targets may feel safe at home or
with special friends, but fear
bullying elsewhere.
Social Effects
Some targets are scared of being
hurt again and stop socialising,
becoming shy dropouts or socially
isolated.
Targets may have difficulty
establishing normal friendships
because they forget how to
socialise.
Some targets are so traumatised
that they can’t establish
Six Simple
Ways to
Nurture Kids’
Sensitivity
1. Praise sensitive, kind
actions
2. Show the effect of
sensitivity
3. Draw attention to
nonverbal feeling
cues
4. Ask often, “How does
he feel?”
5. Use the formula
“feels + needs”
6. Share why you feel
the way you do.
Self Esteem
Many children are teased because
something about them is different.
If they don’t accept this difference,
their sensitivity invites further
teasing, especially when peers
harass and exaggerate it. This
lowers their self-esteem.
Self Esteem
While their internal bully constantly
harasses and reminds them of their
personal inadequacies, the school
bully identifies their sensitive
points and targets them
mercilessly.
Self Esteem
Children with poor self-esteem
display a sign saying, ‘I don’t like
myself’. Other children think, ‘If
you don’t like yourself, why should
I like you? So I’ll treat you as you
treat yourself.’
Self Esteem
Targets blame themselves for not
blocking the bullying like other
children seem to. This reinforces
their feeling of being different, and
their self-esteem falls further.
They become extremely sensitive
to criticism and reject even
constructive feedback that would
improve their social survival skills.
Self Esteem
Their self-esteem deteriorates as
they become embarrassed, lose
confidence and give up. They find
it hard to be open and sharing or
trust others.
They become self-centred,
extremely sensitive or critical of
everything they do.
They despise their personality,
rejecting themselves as well as
Classroom Discipline that
Builds Empathy
C – Call attention to insensitive,
uncaring behavior
A – Ask: “How would you feel?”
R – Recognize the consequences of
the behavior
E – Express and explain your
disapproval of the insensitive action
Emotional/Psychologic
al Effects
The target moves into survival
mode when bullied or threatened.
His body is regulated by its ‘fight or
flight’ instinct to protect itself.
Thus, other bodily functions close
down: he can’t breathe deeply, his
shallow breathing reduces his
oxygen intake, so he has
insufficient breath to neutralise
stress hormones.
Emotional/Psychologic
al Effects
His painfully high level of fear and
anxiety sabotages a state of calm.
He can’t be relaxed or easy-going,
which is essential for socialising.
He can become very frustrated or
angry at being manipulated by the
bully and others (e.g. their school).
Emotional/Psychological
Effects
Some react and retaliate,
exacerbating the situation by
becoming aggressive or provocative.
Others bottle their tension up at
school, then release it at home by
being rude, hostile and angry.
He feels confused, stuck, powerless
and doesn’t know what to do, so he
does nothing..
l Effects
He cannot express or release his
pain and discomfort. He speaks very
quietly, quickly and muffles his
words. No-one can validate his
feelings.
His emotional burnout leads to denial
and disassociation.
Some internalise their anger and
become sad, miserable, mildly
Long-Term
Psychological Damage
1. School refusal and school phobia
2. Shyness and social phobia
3. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
4. Learned Helplessness
5. Depression, suicidal tendencies,
suicide and murder
“The first step in
teaching moral
intelligence is by being a
moral example”
-Michelle Borba
Refer to the Handout
Action Plan at
Home
“Type a quote here.”
–Johnny Appleseed
Learning Positive Youth
Development
Preventing and Dealing with Bullying and
Cyberbullying for All
TOXIC
vs
NOURISHING
Poorly chosen words can stifle enthusiasm, dampen spirits, and be both
offensive and hurtful. In short, they can poison the atmosphere.
- Prof. Erwin Hall
THE DIRTY THIRTY
1. Bragging
2. Swearing/Vulgar Words
3. Gossip
4. Angry Words
5. Lies
6. Hurtful Words
7. Judgemental Words
8. Self-Pity Words
9. Discouraging Remarks
10. Embarrassing/Humiliating
11. Criticism/Fault-Finding
12. Complaining/Whining
13. Rude/Inconsiderate
14. Teasing
15. Manipulation
16. Insincere
Compliments/Flattery
17. Ethnic/Racial Slurs
18. Sexist Comments
19. Age-related Putdowns
20. Being Negative
21. Threats
22. Arguing
23. Interrupting
24. Pasikatan
25. Being a know-it-all
26. Sarcasm
27. Yelling/Screaming
28. Talking Down
29. Exaggerating
30. Blaming and
Accusing
Clear the air with NOURISHING
words.
Let’s make our homes and schools better
places. We can start by banning all toxic
verbal weapons.
- L. Harry Goldman
The Flagrant Five
1. SWEARING
2. COMPLAINING
3. PUT-DOWNS
4. RUDE/INCONSIDERATE
5. GOSSIP
The Thoughtful Thirty
1. Give encouragement
2. Express Thanks
3. Acknowledge Others
4. Extend Greetings
5. Give a Compliment
6. Congratulate Someone
7. Teach, Give Instruction
8. Offer Words of Comfort
9. Inspire Others
10. Celebrate and Cheer
11. Express Interest
12. Mend Relationships
13. Make Others Laugh
14. Show Faith & Trust
15. Share Good News
16. Praise, Honor
17. Express Caring
18. Show Understanding
19. Give Approval
20. Extend an Invitation
21. Show Courtesy/Respect
22. Give Helpful Advice
23. Apologize
24. Forgive
25. Offer to Help
26. Tell the Truth
27. Point out the Good
28. Use Terms of Affection
29. Supply Needed Information
30. Communicate Love
“Character and
Academics: What Good
Schools Do”
Phi Delta Kappan Magazine, 2006
Research Showed:
1. Good schools ensure a clean and
secure physical environment.
2. Good schools promote and model
fairness, equity, caring and respect.
3. In good schools, students contribute in
meaningful ways.
4. Good schools promote a caring
community and positive social
relationships.
More Strategies
Compliments Game
Teach Manners and
The Golden Rule
What you accept, you
teach.
What you permit, you
If manners were an
animal, it would be an
endangered species.
- Henry Rogers
Choosing an Atmosphere
Rude Courteous
InconsiderateConsiderate
Disrespectful Respectful
Offensive Polite
Seating Arrangement &
the
“No Clique” Policy
The Good Deeds Bowl
The Two-Minute
Interview
Questions
Live with – Own – Place – Goal – Achievement – Hobby
– Special Interest – Hero – Other
Effective Classroom
Management
Be a Buddy, Not a Bully
Shirt
Stand Up to Bullying
Week
Student Justice
Committee
Celebration of Service
Week
Give Recognition to:
1. Most Creative
Outreach
2. Outreach with the
Greatest Impact
3. Best Organized
4. Outreach of the Year
Peer Mentoring for
Conflict Resolution
Bibliotherapy for the
Victim
Involve Students in
Welcoming New Kids
Character-Based
Consequences
The 4 R’s
of Moral
Discipline
4 R’s of Moral Discipline
RESPOND calmly
and assess the
child’s intention
4 R’s of Moral Discipline
REVIEW why the
behavior is
wrong
4 R’s of Moral Discipline
REFLECT on the
behavior’s effect
4 R’s of Moral Discipline
RIGHT The wrong
by encouraging
the child to make
a reparation
4 R’s of Moral Discipline
RESPOND calmly and assess the
child’s intention
REVIEW why the behavior is wrong
REFLECT on the behavior’s effect
RIGHT The wrong by encouraging
the child to make a reparation
Class Meetings
Cooperative Learning
Anonymous
Compliments
Good Deeds Journal
Teaching Empathy
Through Literature
Compact for Excellence
(Students Craft the
Pledge)
Students Pledge
Some Samples
of Student
Pledges
Against
Bullying
James Stenson
Children develop
character by what they
see, what they hear,
and what they are
repeatedly led to do.
Gandhi said
“Be the change you want to
see in the world.”
In other words…..
How can you expect to see
changes in your students and
your school if you can’t first see
them in yourself?
Sample of a Good Bully
Prevention Policy
Thinking
(Cognitive)
CEP Framework 2
for Effective Character Character
Education Acting Formation Feeling
The Eleven Principles (Behavioral) (Affective)
Family & Comprehensive
Community Intentional
Partners Proactive
Shared 10 3 Meaningful
Moral Academic
Leadership Curriculum
Moral 9 6
Action
Self
5
Motivation
7
Staff
Caring
Learning
Community
Community
4
8
1
Core Values
Assessment 11
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Teachers Impact
www.mannrentoy.com
[email protected]
0908-864-84-91
Good luck!
Improving
Improving School
School Climate
Climate
Preventing
Preventing Bullying
Bullying Through
Through Character
Character Formation
Formation
www.mannrentoy.com
www.cepphilippines.com
