i think if someone is complaining about being deprived of an experience most people like them had (or at least one most people would've expected them to have) it's almost never comforting to say "well i had that experience and it sucked, you're lucky" because it's not truly about the experience itself it's about the sense of belonging it inspires right - not having it marks you as an Other and that feels really shitty! you can talk about how whatever thing sucked for you but just like... maybe at another time?