Cartoon Mayor

Our Flag Means Death AUs

I’m CartoonMayor on AO3, and here are my OFMD fics!

Rated E, 16k words

Ed is an ex-Olympic skier and the special guest at Stede’s corporate retreat. Stede’s a divorcee who’s been lying about a boyfriend. But they didn’t book Ed a room… and there’s only one bed.

(fake dating; only one bed)

Blood Under the Skin

Rated E, 33k words

When Prince Stede Bonnet saw his betrothed for the first time, he very nearly blushed.

(arranged marriage; medieval)

Rise and Grind

Rated E, 29k words

Ed propositions the man with the curls one night at his bar for some casual fun. When Curls turns out to be the owner of the new queer cafe down the block (and also Ed’s dream man), things get a little complicated.

(coffeshop; pining while fucking)

Take Back Your Mink

Rated E, 39k words

Ed is a high-powered executive who hires Stede as an escort to pretend to be his partner to boost his image within his company.

(pining while fucking; angst with a happy ending)

You Make Me Live

Rated E, 33k

Ed and Stede have been best friends for ten years when Stede has to leave him behind to go to college. Ed will join him when he’s graduated next year, but in the meantime, Stede’s life is going to change a whole, whole lot.

(childhood friends to lovers; gender non-conforming Stede)

Smutty Gentlebeard one shots

36 one-shots of smutty fun, ranging from 1.5k - 16k

Smutty Gentlebeard not-quite-one shots

Little too long to be one shots, little too simple to have their own recs. Featuring monsterfucking, medieval AUs, and fake dating in Vegas (so far)

to be the darkness behind your shining star

Rated E, 42k words

Edward, god of the dead, kidnaps Stede, god of spring. Greek Mythology ensues.

(greek gods; lore olympus adjacent)

Our Flag Means Undeath

Rated E, 32k words

A What We Do in the Shadows AU. In which Stede is kind of Nandor, Ed is kind of Guillermo, and Buttons is definitely Colin Robinson.

(vampires; pining)

The Prince and the Pirate

Rated E, 67k words

Prince Stede of Bonnet is en route to be married to the King of Low when his ship is overtaken by pirates. Stede offers himself up to the Dread Pirate Blackbeard in exchange for freeing the rest of his people. He does not expect Blackbeard to propose marriage as a part of their agreement, but if it is a choice between the kind of monster Ned is and the kind of monster Blackbeard is, that is an exceedingly easy choice to make.

(marriage of convenience, pining while fucking)

kimsfavs:
“ Great Egret dancing, Hungary. Photo by Bence Máté
”

kimsfavs:

Great Egret dancing, Hungary. Photo by Bence Máté

longlivechips:

dr-wormman:

My favorite critter

stedesparasol:

stedesparasol:
stedesparasol:
for the record, a lot of people commenting on this situation clearly don’t actually know what they’re talking about, so take their posts with a pinch of salt. not mine tho mine are all true and correct and also sexy.
oh, and some of them do know. they’re just lying.
for example, some people are claiming that they are being attacked/called ‘puritans’ for not shipping a polyam ship.
this is a lie.
these people have been described as ‘puritanical’ because of their penchant for ascribing morality to the existence of fictional relationships and the people who enjoy them (as per the definition of puritanical, which they have seemingly decided to substitute for the word ‘prude’ in their heads).
for describing a perfectly harmless ship as ‘hateful’ and acting as though anyone who so much as mentions the ship is launching a direct attack on ed and stede and the people who love them, when in fact they are the ones launching attacks on people who are just trying to have fun and be creative in the fandom (a fandom that these people are actively killing).
if they say they are being attacked simply for not liking a ship, they are lying. if they say they are being attacked for asking the ship to be tagged, they are lying. they are leaving out details of their behaviour and falsifying the behaviours of others in order to appear as victims of bullying. if you take what they say at face value, you are one of the people i was describing in my original post. you don’t know what’s going on and has been going on for a long time. and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Anonymous asked:

Why do you reblog your own fics so much?

221bshrlocked answered:

Because someone might as well!? And look at this. Look. At. This.

Does this look right to you??

These are just the last three fics I wrote. I appreciate the likes, believe me I do, but you have to understand. Likes do nothing for content creators. It’s the reblogs. Because that’s how you find shit on your dashboard. Through reblogs. Not likes. This isn’t twitter or tiktok or instagram. This is a website that’s run by the reblog system.

Reblogging helps content creators put their stuff out there. Why do you think so many people stopped writing fanfic and creating beautiful fanart and edits? It’s because they put in hours of work and don’t get nearly enough notes for their masterpieces. Yes we do this because we enjoy it but like…some validation won’t hurt. A boost of confidence here and there might be all someone needs to finish whatever thing they started and left.

Anyway, I’m still going to reblog my shit…

kinkybazsmolsnow:

221bshrlocked:
raewritesfiction:
I think I’m gonna restart blogging my own shit.
WRITERS. ARTISTS. EDITORS.
REBLOG YOUR OWN WORK.
THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT.
And still there’d be people who’d not REBLOG this post

zombee:

you’re taika waititi, you’re watching the gay hockey show, you think to yourself, i would love to simulate my cheeks getting clapped on an international stage. you call up David Jenkins and say hey, what would it take to get me into a softcore gay porn situation with bestie posthaste? dj says it’s over man, I’m sorry, I love you, but you knew this. taika pulls his second genie wish out of his prodigious Hollywood rolodex. he wants to get his cheeks clapped onscreen. David Jenkins says “not the originally intended vibe of season 3 but we’ll figure it out.” when they call Rhys Darby he says “yes! and!!!” it’s a smash hit success. between the gay pirate show and the gay hockey show we achieve world peace. tears are shed. champagne is drunk. cheeks are clapped.

i was very drunk when i wrote this and expected no notes so the 23 people vibing with me: i love you

lucylehane:

(this scene is why I watch this movie on Valentine’s Day every year)
The Birdcage (1996)

doechiimp3:

svetlana is so patient and funny
she’s like look if u wont have sex w me at least queen out w me and he’s like no and no. I will sit here and wrestle w u like we are 5 yrs old while u discuss ur hockey opinions and maybe we’ll fuck but I will cry in my mind prison afterwards and u will have to stroke my hair. and she’s literally like ok I guess that’s a good secret third option…..

vohanna:

Tfw you have to be gay around your family

cheesefleetwood:

I’ve been thinking about ‘Ed stuck in the fuckery harness for twenty minutes’ for a Lot longer than twenty minutes
Bonus:

I do not know how to draw stede.

foibles-fables:

I know sometimes it makes folks nervous, so…
I promise we love and appreciate you and your enthusiasm and it’s not weird or creepy at all 😭😭😭💕💕💕

8nin:

thanks for posting things for me to look at

leanputa:

crab makeup by pradaolic on IG

chaosinneutral:

demi-shoggoth:

Which common furry species do you identify most with?
Wolf
Fox
Dog
Big cat
Small cat
Rabbit
Rodent
Snake
Raccoon
Dragon
Listings sourced from furscience.com, excluding “other” and “mythical”

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