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Cruel Irony. [ Stream of Consciousness ]
10 years ago
General
Stop smoking. Start breathing. Stop drinking. Start feeling. The world has this really fucking brash attitude and loves its cruel irony; or maybe God does. Or maybe God's just an asshole. Or maybe God doesn't give a shit about anyone because they're too worried about everyone. Life just keeps on going in circles and no-one can do anything about it. We fill our lungs with smoke to relax and end up killing ourselves in the long run. We drink and imbibe until our livers corrode and life is a living hell. We self medicate bullshit prescriptions to feel better and we end up overdosing and killing every dream we ever had. If hell is real, we're living it.
Where does it end? Death? Death is an absolute and everyone's afraid. All this time we say we don't have and we're just watching it slip by without a second thought. We think we're living, we know we're dying. Tick fucking tock goes that life clock; and we're being bred to be content with death. "Oh yes, generic young person! You too will become old and die just as everyone else; trust in Jesus. Trust in God. Trust in the Creator! You have to realize that your life is so small compared to the universe. So insignificant in the vastness of space." Am I the only one kicking in my fucking walls? Burning the draft cards of the bullshit we're fed from the time we can barely walk? Fuck, man. It's like we've given up. I don't want to die, but death is present every day. Especially today. It's redundant to say, but Death is already killing us long before it ever fucking shows up.
Or, should I use a different rhetoric?
What makes us happy? Happy. Flappy smacky. Happy. First thought I have is that people make us happy; where are the people? The people are just as damaged and conflicted and beautiful as us. So, what do we do? We wait. We wait and wait and wait obsessively until someone comes along and makes us happy. Problem is, while everyone is waiting, no one is loving. With no love, we're sad. When we're sad, we get depressed. When we get depressed, we die. When we die, I assume the universe has a big ole' laugh at our expense and then goes on to ruin someone else's day. "Sorry kid. I know you were waiting for a soulmate, but you waited and waited and missed your chance. Every aspiration of fame or fortune or even failure is all null and void now. You reached towards the wrong things and missed the right."
God; you certainly love your cruel irony.
So, how do we make it better? Despite the ugly, and the hate and the darkness; there are all sorts of wonderful, beautiful things in the world at our disposal to mitigate the guilt we have just allowed ourselves to brew inside of for years. We have art! We have porn. We have fucking awesome music and, hell, we even have friends sometimes. We love to fetishize the world as this one, big clusterfuck of negativity who's sole goal is to wreck us. Well, maybe the world is that clusterfuck; but we have all the ammo we could ever want at our disposal. We're just making the wrong choices.
I'm making the wrong choices.
I'm sad, I'm lonely. I'm in this hole that I can't dig myself out of and all I want is for someone to come along who can...problem is- no matter how loud I am, no one has heard me. Well, I take that back, one perked his ears a bit and I just couldn't contain my excitement. It overflowed and suddenly; I was completely overbearing. Emotionally needy. Jealous. Moody. The works. Why do we get that way? In my opinion, it's like being trapped in the dark for days, and then suddenly, a light comes on and you just want that light to engulf you forever. Like a cat with a lazer pointer. I'm clawing out of this hole, slowly and surely- and I know you can too.
Yes, you.
Don't worry about the money. Don't worry about the work. Worry about you; how good it feels to breathe, how delicious the water tastes! That buzzy feeling when you get a message from someone you love- how good that fucking feels. The way the sun doesn't let you look directly at it in the day, but when it sets or rises, it allows itself to be vulnerable to your gaze. Life is weird. Guess what? You're weirder! Embrace it, challenge it, enjoy and hate it. It just so happens, we're filled to the brim with-
cruel irony.
Where does it end? Death? Death is an absolute and everyone's afraid. All this time we say we don't have and we're just watching it slip by without a second thought. We think we're living, we know we're dying. Tick fucking tock goes that life clock; and we're being bred to be content with death. "Oh yes, generic young person! You too will become old and die just as everyone else; trust in Jesus. Trust in God. Trust in the Creator! You have to realize that your life is so small compared to the universe. So insignificant in the vastness of space." Am I the only one kicking in my fucking walls? Burning the draft cards of the bullshit we're fed from the time we can barely walk? Fuck, man. It's like we've given up. I don't want to die, but death is present every day. Especially today. It's redundant to say, but Death is already killing us long before it ever fucking shows up.
Or, should I use a different rhetoric?
What makes us happy? Happy. Flappy smacky. Happy. First thought I have is that people make us happy; where are the people? The people are just as damaged and conflicted and beautiful as us. So, what do we do? We wait. We wait and wait and wait obsessively until someone comes along and makes us happy. Problem is, while everyone is waiting, no one is loving. With no love, we're sad. When we're sad, we get depressed. When we get depressed, we die. When we die, I assume the universe has a big ole' laugh at our expense and then goes on to ruin someone else's day. "Sorry kid. I know you were waiting for a soulmate, but you waited and waited and missed your chance. Every aspiration of fame or fortune or even failure is all null and void now. You reached towards the wrong things and missed the right."
God; you certainly love your cruel irony.
So, how do we make it better? Despite the ugly, and the hate and the darkness; there are all sorts of wonderful, beautiful things in the world at our disposal to mitigate the guilt we have just allowed ourselves to brew inside of for years. We have art! We have porn. We have fucking awesome music and, hell, we even have friends sometimes. We love to fetishize the world as this one, big clusterfuck of negativity who's sole goal is to wreck us. Well, maybe the world is that clusterfuck; but we have all the ammo we could ever want at our disposal. We're just making the wrong choices.
I'm making the wrong choices.
I'm sad, I'm lonely. I'm in this hole that I can't dig myself out of and all I want is for someone to come along who can...problem is- no matter how loud I am, no one has heard me. Well, I take that back, one perked his ears a bit and I just couldn't contain my excitement. It overflowed and suddenly; I was completely overbearing. Emotionally needy. Jealous. Moody. The works. Why do we get that way? In my opinion, it's like being trapped in the dark for days, and then suddenly, a light comes on and you just want that light to engulf you forever. Like a cat with a lazer pointer. I'm clawing out of this hole, slowly and surely- and I know you can too.
Yes, you.
Don't worry about the money. Don't worry about the work. Worry about you; how good it feels to breathe, how delicious the water tastes! That buzzy feeling when you get a message from someone you love- how good that fucking feels. The way the sun doesn't let you look directly at it in the day, but when it sets or rises, it allows itself to be vulnerable to your gaze. Life is weird. Guess what? You're weirder! Embrace it, challenge it, enjoy and hate it. It just so happens, we're filled to the brim with-
cruel irony.
