The Stars of the Show
Her Ladyship, Captain Britannia Whinneyvere Buckingham-McScone
Daughter of the noble House of Buckingham and the proud clan McScone, Captain of the Royal Equestrian Expeditionary Force, Lieutenant Warder of the Royal Treasure Vaults and Night Commander of Princess Luna’s Ancient Order of the Nocturnal Realm, the pony known to most as Britannia and to her friends as just ‘Brit’ is a Royal Guard of great renown and prestige in Equestria.
She also (through some kind of inter-dimensional twist of serendipity) happens to share her name with the archaic form of a little island in the Atlantic Ocean, leading the Human Beings residing there to choose her as a mascot for their convention…For a time, at least. Still, stranger things have happened beneath the sun and the moon in the magical Kingdom of Equestria.
Now, due to certain personality clashes with the ponies that run her blog, she has been replaced by an alicorn likeness who shares her name and love of tea but very little else.
But the dear Captain is currently in the dark about that little detail, in more ways than one. With the royal city of Canterlot flooding on an unprecedented scale, she and a squad of Equestria’s finest are in a race against time to put a stop to the deluge, bring order back to the city, and get back in time to promote her convention.
With an aloof demeanour, fierce wit and even fiercer reputation on the field of battle, riding astride her pet manticore, Roary, Britannia has earned a name as somepony you really don’t want to trifle with…or at least that’s what the press-releases and recruitment posters that bear her likeness would like you to think.
The truth, as always, is ever so slightly more complicated than that.
‘Her Royal Highness, Princess Britannia’ AKA Fleur de Lis
She’s the Alicorn of Britishness and the Guardian Spirit of BUCK, the UK Brony Convention. Her mane is sparkly, her wings are pretty and she’s here to guide one and all in their appreciation and enjoyment of the convention as well as answer any questions her ‘dear subjects’ have for her…a task that she manages with more smugness than should be natural for a pony of so few dimensions…Oh and she likes tea. Because she’s British, don’tcha know?
In actuality she is merely an actress: the supermodel and star of stage and screen, Mademoiselle Fleur de Lis, reading a script that seems ever so slightly off. Almost as if she’s the product of a creative team who have only the barest understanding of what being ‘British’ is.
To cut them some slack, though, how would you feel if you suddenly had to put entertaining answers together on the fly for a fickle internet audience about a thousand-plus year old alien culture from across the dimensional gulf?
Still, why not throw her some questions? Though keep in mind, of course, that the real question on everyone’s lips should be: In the name of all that is Harmonious, why?
The Supporting Cast
Every show needs its supporting cast: the co-stars, the background ponies, those whose contributions go toward making the world richer and more vibrant. No pony is an island, after all, not even a pony called Britannia.
The Royal Guard
These are the ponies of the Royally Appointed Guardians of the Peace. Brave, noble and entirely dedicated to their duties protecting Equestria, your average pony on the street is quite happy to let the Royal Guards get on with their jobs watching corridors, standing around for photographs and pulling the Princesses’ carriages. Beneath the armour and behind the blank expressions, however, it takes all sorts of ponies to make sure order is kept and threats to peace and harmony are quelled.
Currently a squad of specialists, hoof picked by Captain Britannia (and code named: ‘Operation Spigot’ because creativity is somewhat limited in the RG at times), are exploring deep beneath Canterlot to put a stop to the flooding of the Royal City in any way they can.
Private B.O. Buckler
is Britannia’s unlikely aide-de-camp, assigned to her due to a rather archaic bit of legalese concerning the Treasure Guards.
Described by one unflattering superior as ‘The worst thing to happen to this stallion’s Guard since hoof-rot’, no-one is exactly sure how the little pony from Trottingham ever made it into the ranks of the Royal Guard, not least as he exudes a constant and over-powering odour of unknown origin, and is overall one of the most untidy ponies to ever be counted among Their Majesties’ Finest.
Nevertheless, he is one of the most loyal and dependable of ponies, and has earned himself a permanent role as the Captain’s attendant – even if she did have to teach him most of his domestic skills.
The fact that he has willingly and devotedly followed his ‘Cap’n’ through thick, thin and everything in-between over the years probably speaks volumes that there is probably more to Buckler than meets the eye…One would hope so, at least.
Sergeant-Major Freeze Pop
is an accomplished member of Their Majesties’ Own Life Guard, and a rival to Britannia herself in terms of skills and aptitude.
Thankfully though, the only rivalry that exists between them is of a friendly and professional nature. Following an incident that occurred a year or so back, the two were thrown together on a somewhat dangerous assignment, and a close bond of trust was forged between them. Out of all the ponies in Equestria’s Royal Guard, the fluffy-maned ‘Freezy’ is one of the very few whom the slightly recalcitrant Lieutenant Warder would say she trusts almost beyond all doubt. Which is saying a lot, believe me.
Not currently involved in the mission down below, the Sergeant is more concerned with maintaining order in the city above…though that won’t stop her from doing her friends a solid if she feels they’re having their good names sullied. Guards always have each others’ backs.
Outside of that, Freeze Pop is also a close friend of the Blog’s sound technician, Sketchy Sounds, the two having met and formed a pretty tight bond during childhood. It would be accurate to say they are almost like family—a statement easily backed up by the kind of banter frequently heard between the two.
Built like a draft-horse and with an occasionally brusque and often blunt demeanour, Freeze Pop is in many regards the antithesis of Britannia: she seldom wastes words, nor hides her feelings… though she has, now and again, had to bite her tongue for her own good.
Contessa Svelteyanka Philomela von Nocturne AKA “Svelte”
Colonel-in-Chief of Princess Luna’s Night Guard, this vivacious, flirtatious and outragious bat-pony aristocrat is Britannia’s superior officer (and quite possibly more beside if rumours and impromptu photos are to be believed).
Hailing from the exotic province of Tramplevania, Svelte is possessed of a rather unique accent—perhaps due to her similarly unique dentition. She also exudes a constant aura of charm and self-confidence, something which she is most certainly aware of and likes to use to her advantage. How much of her word-play is mere teasing and how much of it is serious is often very difficult to tell, for the Contessa carries an air of mystery to her as a somewhat inherent trait of her kind.
One thing about her is very clear, however: for whatever reasons, she holds a special soft spot for the Lady Britannia, bearing a fierce loyalty towards the Captain of the REEF. Speculation is rife as to why, though it is often kept to hushed whispers—especially around the keen ears of this particular pony.
Lieutenant Surefire
is the second in command of Britannia’s hoof-picked unit, serving the role of logistical planner and supervisor, in deference to the Captain of course, he is still learning the ropes when it comes to operations with the specialist Expeditionary Force.
Articulate and well-mannered, this young subaltern is calm under pressure and maintains a professional demeanour most of the time. However, he hides a bit of a fiery temper behind his generally genial disposition and thus is quick to correct errant soldiers, and to point out flaws and discrepancies where he sees them. At the moment he’s seeing a lot of them when it comes to their Academic Advisor:
Professor Rose Quartz
is an archaeologist with specialist and in-depth knowledge of Canterlot’s under-belly, as it were.
Her enthusiasm for her field of study is matched only by her sheer stubbornness and single-minded attitude when it comes to the preservation and study of the wonders of ancient civilisation. This has put her at odds with other ponies before, particularly in an event from her youth known as ‘The Ponyville Massacre’
It remains to be seen how this will settle amongst a group of ponies used to tight discipline with the fate of the city in the balance…Not well, so far.
Corporal Avalanche
is a member of the Royal Sappers, a division of the Royal Guard specialising in demolitions work. If something needs demolished, moved, cleared up or otherwise handled with a lot of strength and a helping of explosives, Avalanche is the pony for the job.
Hailing from one of the more rural parts of Equestria, his broad dialect and bold tone make him easy to identify – and easy to be heard. Nevertheless, he’s a gentle giant towards his colleagues, saving his strength for demolishing blockages.
Lance-Corporal Mercy
is the attendant Field Medic for the unit. Her soft-spoken manner and compassionate nature belie a deep-rooted and very strong protectiveness of the ponies around her and under her care. A quick thinker with an eye for danger, Mercy is always first on the scene should one of her fellow guards come to harm.
This is not her first outing with the Captain, having been called upon her on at least one occasion prior to this.
Private Flashbang
is one of the youngest members of Their Majesties’ Royal Life Guard, a position that would usually see him stood watch around the gates and corridors of the Canterlot Royal Palace. However, with the Princeses out of town and the city in need of saving, Britannia took all the help that could be spared – which included the young stallion. It does help that the young spark happens to have a nack for electronics, especially as it seems the expedition has been given not only a dodgy camera but a very suspect radio. Royal Guard Quartermasters, eh? Or possibly it could be that there’s been something untoward a-hoof.
Not for the first time in his life, he has now found himself whisked away from the palace on a potentially dangerous and life-threatening mission which may prove to be quite the challenge.
Private Starbright
is a member of Her Highness Princess Luna’s Night Guard, a fact made quite obvious from her bat-pony heritage and her strikingly fashioned armour. Her natural ability to see in low light levels as though she were in daylight (an ability termed as “night vision” by its possessors) is an invaluable asset in the depths of the cave system found beneath Canterlot. As such, she was an obvious choice for the mission at hoof.
The fact that she was informed that a certain young member of the Life Guard would also be present did not sway her decision of acceptance at all.
Sapper Nutcracker
is a younger member of the Sappers, and under direct command of Avalanche. He is known for having a bit of a temper at times, and he can occasionally end up at odds with authority figures. Nevertheless, he looks up to his direct commander with a great deal of respect.
Much like Avalanche, he specialises in tasks that require any combination of brute strength and explosives.
Sapper Rockhopper
is a pony with his head in the clouds while still keeping his hooves on the ground…in more ways than one. His penguin cutie-mark indicates a passion for bird-watching but, much like the animal he shares his name with, he is also flightless. You can perhaps understand why that might be a bit of a downer for a pegasus. Nonetheless he hasn’t let it hold him down and he’s put his attention to detail, agility and common sense to good use in the Royal Regiment of Sappers.
Bo'sun First Class Diver Pearlescent Sheen
One of the two Royal Equestrian Naval Service divers accompanying Captain Britannia on her mission. We haven’t seen all that much of this strongly-built mare with the blue mohawk, but on an expedition with such large volumes of water with their own inherent dangers it can be safely assumed that her expertise is integral to ensuring the safety of the team and success of the mission. Not that this stops her from enjoying a little teasing at the expense of the 'land-lubbers’, particularly the rather impatient Sapper Nutcracker.
Able-Seapony Diving Bell
This appropriately named stallion makes up the remainder of the deep-sea diving crew. Not much seems to have been revealed about this pony yet but a pony prepared to bear the weight of a full brass diving helmet and still crack-wise must be a pony with a lot of mettle beneath the metal.
The Dept. of Inter-Dimensional
Relations (Brony Office)
Equestria used to be your normal, run-of-the-mill magical talking horse society (from your perspective at least, hominid) then they created something akin to the internet. No problems there, right? A few nerds and university students creating blogs and sending each other pictures of their cats: a gimmicky toy by Equestrian standards. That is until experiments involving magic dimensional gateways resulted in communication with realities across the multiverse, including one inhabited by a race of non-magical talking apes who have taken ‘gimmicky toys’ to a whole new level.
Being a practical race of creatures (And after trawling through the mountain of spam-mail that resulted) the first impulse was to destroy the whole thing immediately. But after further study, reading blogs, on-line encyclopaedias and image-hosting sites (The casualties were terrible) the highest authorities in the land decided to extend the cautious hoof of friendship to this strange new world.
Thus the Department of Inter-Dimensional Relations were formed with the ‘Brony Office’ acting as the front-line in interaction with Equestria’s chief supporters from the human dimension to the aim of fostering good feeling and spreading love and tolerance across the dimensional divide.
Which brings us very neatly to the ‘BUCK team’ tasked with providing an informative and entertaining blog for a brony convention based on a strange drizzly little tea-fixated island on the edge of ‘You Rope’ or something (They’re still getting used to this somewhat baffling new dimension).
Their first attempt was through use of the appointed convention mascot: an apparently well-known Royal Guard who happened to share her name with the aforementioned island. Things were going relatively well until something… changed.
Now they have Princess Britannia… and may The Princesses have mercy on their souls.
Saturn
is theDirector of the Brony Office and the mind behind ‘Princess Britannia’. Saturn likes to consider himself a suave and charismatic leader of the ponies in his department and with his cornucopia cutie-mark he certainly has a magnanimous personality.
Though after perhaps one too-many times being caught on the rough end of interacting with Captain Britannia, his generosity may just have reached its limit. Why else would he decide to take matters into his own hooves and usurp Britannia for her own blog with his Princess pretender to the throne? Though perhaps there’s more to this decision than is apparent than mere executive meddling.
After Eight
works for the D.I.D.R as the lead-writer and director of ‘Ask Princess Britannia’.
After is usually a rather calm and collected pony with a fastidious attention to detail but a creative touch that suited him well in his job as a media secretary for the department. A lucrative promotion to lead-writer working with a slightly erratic female lead had been an interesting development but one he had been content to weather for reasons of his own.
The change in direction from those on high, however, has led the stallion to become rather erratic himself trying to keep up with the whims of his superiors and the wants and needs of a highly demanding actress. The chocolate binging probably isn’t helping his mood-swings, either.
Sketchy Sounds
is one of the technical crew assisting with filming, primarily responsible for recording audio and handling the sound equipment personally.
A friendly and happy sort, he’s had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time when Captain Britannia’s temper has boiled over on at least one occasion so far.
But still, he has a soft spot for pretty mares and working with a fellow Trotlander and whisky connoisseur has more than made up for being caught in the firing line on occasion.
Still, that was then and this is now, and now the pay-cheque involves working with Princess Britannia. Still, a job’s a job and to a freelance artist and musician getting regular income with good connections is worth the price. Plus, who else would provide the clam voice of reason when After Eight’s carefully-balance psyche starts to wobble?
Slightly Eccentric.
If there’s a pony who lives up to their name (Or tries to, at least) it’s this one. As the team’s ‘Britishness Researcher’, Slightly Eccentric has certainly found her calling in life trying to get to grips with a culture that is the very definition of the term. Recognisable by her piles of research material and signature hat (That she wears for reasons unto herself) Slightly is certainly the most enthusiastic member of the team who is just happy to do her job regardless of whoever they put in front of the camera.
Iso.
Compared to everypony else on the team, Iso is the exact opposite of a background pony…being the lead Camera-operator, Iso doesn’t even get that privilege.
Maybe he’s some kind of superhero on his days off? Or maybe he’s just the regular kind of photographer with no radioactive superpowers? Regardless he’s still there behind the scenes making sure everything gets filmed.
Lt. Darklove AKA ‘Agent Verdigris’
This mysterious background pony seems to be the main instigator for the replacement of Britannia with her plastic princess counterpart. A member of the Equestrian Special Intelligence Service with a dour demeanor and an intimidating presence (despite being of a…less than impressive stature) this pony certainly appears to be one it would be unwise to cross.
The question remains, then, of why it is that the secret service has decided to entangle itself in this debacle?
And then there’s…
The Clarion Call
Internet hacker extraordinaire, government whistle-blower and uncoverer of all things both ‘secret’ and ‘top’ for the benefit of all you little bronies and pegasisters out there in human-land.
Clarion Call (possibly not their real name) is the pony (as far as you know) without whom dear Captain Brit and all her classified information would just be a thing of the past as far as this tumblr is concerned. Something that he/she/it is sure you don’t want and something they are certain BUCK doesn’t want.
So why not just relax. Let them do their job and don’t go sending any messages over to those Diddy-Derps who think they are the ones who run this blog.
They won’t reach them in any case, LOL XD
