apparently this is what watching 911 has done to my instagram algorithm
and you know what? i am SO okay with that.
My instagram algorithm is 95% heated rivarly and i love it. Avoiding reality is peak right now.
i’m rewatching heated rivalry. and i hope connor storrie never fixes his bottom teeth. i know that’s a weird af thing to say. but i am so sick of chiclet teeth. LET PEOPLE HAVE IMPERFECT TEETH AGAIN.
so i keep seeing heated rivalry gifs (duh, we are all obsessed). and i keep thinking about how they get outed in the long game. and with how shane and ilya kiss in the show? YEAH. no wonder it’s gonna be SUPER FUCKING CLEAR it’s not a prank. they can’t not look super fucking in love and intimate with each other.
i’m so excited to see how they do it on the show.
oh to be a puppy napping on oliver stark’s thigh…
but for real, is buck getting unicorned by these two? because they are pulling ALL the same exact moves. are we gonna find out they are together?
or like?
welp. oliver got his slutty bisexual montage. 😐
i still can’t believe we ALREADY got a Tommy mention. i’m SCREAMING.
had a scope of my rectum today. and oh my god i am in so much pain. i was sedated for it, thank god. but they took biopsies and it is NOT a good time for me right now. i knew this was a possibility, but this is my first scope since my total colectomy. so like. things have CHANGED down there. and that means pretty much permanent inflammation in the rectum. and the tissue gets super sensitive and bleeds at the drop of a hat. so yeah. pain and a lot of blood out of my ass right now. and i am not a fan.
officially finished with the Game Changers series.
so. why were people getting mad at Shane in the Long Game? because i kept seeing posts about it. and i just… don’t get it? was he supposed to psychically know that Ilya was struggling? with depression, something those of us have lived with know how COMMON it is to HIDE THAT SHIT. i’ve dealt with depression on and off since i was a child. my sister had severe depression for decades. both of us hid it very fucking well. literally no one in my life knew when i wanted to kill myself (and had a plan!). not even the people closest to me, hell they still don’t.
is it really surprising that Ilya, a man famously known for deflecting from his feelings with humor and sex, was able to hide it from Shane, a man dealing with his own SEVERE ANXIETY (and disordered eating, btw) and being autistic. he has canonically needed things to be pointed out to him rather bluntly, especially when it comes to feelings. PLUS, they are in a long distance relationship for ¾ of the year and weren’t even publicly friends until TEN YEARS into their situationship/relationship.
maybe i’m just relating too much to BOTH characters. i’ve been on both sides. hiding depression and missing it in a loved one (my sister, i knew she was depressed, but not to the extent she was at a few points in her life). neither of them fucked up more than the other in this situation. they both made mistakes and failed to communicate. neither is the bad guy or the victim. they are both just… two fucked up guys trying to figure out their life together and hitting a few bumps along the way.
eyyy someone sent me ember & ice. so that’s something nice to look forward to.
probably not tonight because i get a camera shoved up my as tomorrow.
Chapter 2 of The Long Game already hitting close to home. I didn’t lose my mom to suicide. But tomorrow is the anniversary of her death. So of course I’ve been dreaming of her. In the hospital. Totally not herself.
This book is gonna be rough for me, huh?
my grandmother was forced to drop out of school when she was in high school to go to work in a factory. her father had been disabled in WWI (i think) and couldn’t work. they grew up getting food from the government. so as soon as the kids were “old” enough to work, they did. her dad was so beyond angry when she bought a bicycle with her first pay check. but she used it to get to work.
ALTwhen she finally got married after WWII to my grandfather who was drafted (her childhood crush! i will never stop sharing my grandparents amazing love story to anyone who wants to hear it), she lied about having a high school diploma to get a job at a bank as a teller. with that lie, she was able to support both herself and my grandfather while he went to college at Brown University on the GI bill. She wanted to make sure he could focus on his education (and honestly, dealing with PTSD from the war before we even had a proper term for PTSD).
ALT
ALTadding these two really cute photos of my grandparents in the 40s and the 90s because i love them so much
after my grandfather graduated from college, he ended up getting a job managing a tire store (he got an English degree from an ivy league school to end up managing a tire store lmao). my grandmother kept working at banks. they eventually moved out of Massachusetts, into Connecticut, then back to the other side of Massachusetts where they lived happily until they died.
they raised 3 great kids. they both worked until they were old enough to retire. they were able to send 2 kids to 4 year colleges, while the third (my mom) chose to go to a 2 year college and get a car as a trade off. it worked out for my mom because she ended up with a job in computers in the 70s making more money than either of her siblings with their fancy 4 year degrees. this is just going off on a tangent about my mom, but she was my hero.
at some point in there, my grandmother signed herself up for driving classes, because her dad never allowed her to learn to drive, and until she had kids, she never saw the real need for a license or car.
my grandmother was even one of the luckier ones. while her childhood was a struggle, and her dad kind of sucked (he probably also had PTSD from WWI if we’re being honest, which may have had some kind of impact) and was pretty sexist, she found a really incredible man to marry. he had his own struggles, but they were generally a very happy, very loving couple. my grandfather is actually the man who gave me high standards when looking for a partner. he never yelled. ever. he would never lay a hand on his children (or his wife). he abhorred violence. he was funny. he was caring. he did everything for his family.
so many other women weren’t that lucky. one of my grandmother’s sisters, for example, went from that same shitty childhood, escaped as soon as she could, marrying a really awful man just to get out of that home. (she may have been pregnant, i can’t remember the whole story) he was abusive, he cheated, he drank. he was worse than the family she grew up in. she was a stay at home mom, so divorcing wasn’t really that easy. she did eventually get out of that marriage, with alimony, so she was able to continue living her life.
(Source: vm.tiktok.com)
occasionally you’ll get called out by the youtube algorithm. but in my defense, the tree of wisdom is iconic.
it’s feeling like a lord of the rings kinda day today