THUNDERBOLTS* (2025) dir. Jake Schreier
VIOLET NIGHT (2022) dir. Tommy Wirkola

VIOLENT NIGHT (2022) dir. tommy wirkola
TERRIFIER 3 (2024) dir. damien leone

I’d pay good money to see that fight!

happy destiel yaoi is real christmas wednesday

GONCHAROV (1973) dir. Martin Scorsese

Can't wait to watch Goncharov as usual at the 25th!

u dont understand how disappointed i am that this dog didnt appear on my dash this year and how hard i tried to find a post that included both pictures

serving gunt

It’s her….The Binch

A reminder on this joyous occasion that if Zim’s Christmassy doom scheme of 11 years ago had gone as planned, every single human on Earth (or at least the apparently very large number who believed Zim was Santa) would’ve been teleported directly onto the bridge of the Massive.

If Zim had succeeded he would’ve not only depopulated this planet, but would’ve almost certainly upped his Tallest death count to four.

Merry Platypus, one and all.

Never forget that time 12 years ago when Zim very nearly succeeded at a thing he set out to do, which also very nearly had the kind of dire consequences for the Empire that always seem to result from Zim doing anything.

Thirteen years ago now, Zim almost managed to kill a large swath of Earth’s population and two Tallest plus a whole lot of other Irkens on the Massive, but instead merely succeeded in making Santa Claus real and horrifying through the power of technology.

Once upon a time fourteen years ago, an Irken named Zim performed the cliche of a character playing Santa, but things turned out WAY WORSE THAN EVER BEFORE, for EVERYONE INVOLVED.  Except the Tallest, who did not die, because ultimately Zim’s plan failed.  But he did his best and that is what Christmas is all about.

Sixteen years ago today Zim did his scariest, most nearly successful plan ever.  In the span of just A FEW DAYS, he managed to fool nearly the entire planet Earth into believing he was Santa, and had the humans in the palm of his Vortian liquid substance suit’s hand.  And then Dib ruined it, which ironically turned out to be good ONLY for the Irken Empire–which did not lose its Tallest and flagship to a sudden massive influx of humanity–and not for Earth–which two million years later is still besieged by mutant abomination Santa every year.  So uh…technically sort of a VICTORY FOR ZIM?

Your friendly yearly reminder that seventeen years ago on this very day, Zim Invaderzim rolled Nat 20s on Deception, Persuasion, AND Performance and fooled most of humanity into not only believing he was Santa, but that Santa would definitely want them to help him build a teleporter capable of sending all of them to their doom.  He came right out and said that.  ‘To their doom.’  And they still did it.  Mankind in general had -3 Int that week.  However, it turned out the Vortian Liquid Substance Santa Suit was a cursed item and overtook our little Irken.  But it was okay because Dib’s AC in his giant robot was like 30 and he could multi-attack.*

And that’s the story of how the campaign went off the rails and the Invader Zim cast summoned the Elder God San’tah onto this plane, where he roams through space gathering power for his next attack.

*Dib has a low Cha stat and a -2 modifier to persuasion so he was immediately assaulted after saving the world.

I can’t believe it’s been eighteen years since Zim’s most effective invasion plan ever was thwarted by the fact that a piece of technology became sentient, a trope in media which traditionally means that the technology is going to almost immediately turn evil.  Interestingly, it was Dib’s fault that the second part of the trope happened; if he hadn’t attacked The Santa, Zim’s plan might have failed anyway but in a nonviolent manner with The Santa singing more jolly songs and giving presents to the assembled masses.  Good job breaking it, hero.  And as always great job Zim, whose initial plan was certainly horrible!

It’s nineteen years and counting since everyone’s favorite Invader, Zim, did his very very best to conquer Earth by teleporting all humans off of it.  That this was his goal rather than simply RULING humanity as Santa is interesting, since he pretty much achieved world domination, but he’s a smart man so he probably realized the possibility that the humans’ worship was temporary and might stop once the holiday was over.  Better to commit accidental Tallestcide again than miss that key window of opportunity, right?

But anyway the day Zim first kidnapped one of the red, bearded men who smell of ham and vomit from a mall was apparently ‘12 days til X-mas’; the fact that he went from ‘hasn’t even heard of Santa’ to ‘has successfully convinced a planet’s worth of sentient beings that he is their mythical ruler’ in less than two weeks remains quite impressive despite the fact that the plan ended in failure because of a middle schooler’s Santa-hating father!

IT’S THE 20th ANNIVERSARY!!

Of the time Zim captured the hearts and minds of all mankind and even sent a nice present of a squeaky toy to his Tallest. How jolly!!!

On this joyous occasion, please join me in celebrating Zim’s most successful world domination plan pre-Florpus!

Oh and I guess Dib saved the Earth too, but only because he confessed his vampire-ruining sins to Gaz.

And!! If like me you were there when “The Most Horrible X-mas Ever” first aired on tv, on December 10, 2002, you are entitled to a veteran’s discount!

As for the rest of you…

RAISE THE SHIELDS, CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

Zim’s astounding X-mas Doom Plan is old enough to legally purchase alcohol in the United States! So let’s raise a toast (and the shields) to the time the best Invader ever convinced our planet to worship him for just under two weeks!

And who knows? The show was cancelled after this episode, so maybe Zim did go on to rule Earth for a while as the Easter Platypus, too! We just can’t know.

But what we CAN know, is that Gir wishes us all a merry jingly. And so do I. <3

It’s been twenty-two HORRIBLE years since the most HORRIBLE CHRISTMAS EVER, and it’s still so HORRIBLY IMPRESSIVE that Zim successfully convinced humanity that he was Santa–wait.

Some portion of humanity was also convinced that escaped gorilla was Santa.

Hmm. After eleven years of reblogging this post on Christmas Eve, to the point that it’s long enough to show my followers the Color of the Sky, do I need to rethink my praise?

NAHHHHH. What Zim did was SO AMAZING! Have you even SEEN his robot elves?? JUST LIKE IN THE STORIES!!

Merry Horrible X-mas, one and all! Save some Easter shrimp for me, for next season!

Twenty-three years later and I’m still incredibly impressed with Not-Actually-Technically-an-Invader Zim achieving Christmas domination over Earth. In fact, this year I’m even more impressed because I finally noticed that while Zim kidnapped Mall Santa twelve days before X-mas, he only donned his (amazingly well-programmed) suit TWO days before, on December 23. The interim ten days were spent creating the suit and robot elves (almost certainly reskinned lawn gnome bots, good job being efficient Zim!) and all the other flashy tech displayed at the Jolly Christmas Rallies All Over the Globe.

It’s just a shame that there were only ten days because otherwise I firmly believe Zim would have built the Teleporter Capable of Sending All Humans to Their Doom at the North Pole himself and had it ready to go to start loading people into the second they arrived–no suit-empowering caroling or traditions required.

Well, a shame for Zim anyway.

…really a shame for Dib and Earth and humanity in general as detailed extensively above. But still not a shame for the Tallest! The only ones to get away scot-free!

Anyway still. Good job Zim, if you have zero believers in you on this dirtball of a planet I must be dead. <3

merry christmas to the people who have to pretend to be someone they’re not for their families, who don’t have family to celebrate with, who have bad past experiences with the holiday, who are having a rough year and just want to reach the end of it, who couldn’t afford gifts this year and feel guilt over it. merry christmas to everyone but especially those of you who are feeling down.