disclaimer that in reality i believe maxwell gotch can do no wrong

I feel like some of you guys think "bad art" is like someone gluing rhinestones to a water melon, or a guy who made his own armchair out of Ohio license plates, or a trashy romance novel where someone says "the blue-eyed one kissed the brown-eyed one," when in reality bad art is a 1000000 Billion Dollar movie where none of the workers got paid and every single creative decision was market tested to see how lucrative of a profit it could foreseeably make to wow shareholders.

ATTENTION ALL TUMBLR USERS

despite what you may have been led to believe, this:

is NOT a venn diagram!! it is a euler diagram!! THIS is a four-way venn diagram:

what's the difference, you may ask? the answer is simple:

a venn diagram MUST account for all logical combinations!! in the first image, there is no way for A and C to overlap without C and D. a euler diagram only accounts for combinations that actually exist in reality, so that is fine.

STOP the spread of misinformation

learn the difference between venn and euler diagrams

Do you think urban fantasy settings have porn discourse? Like all the races have different ideas of what they find appealing and how it should be presented. Drarves mostly write erotic literature in runes and you would not believe how slow burn that shit can get. You're five volumes in before the two main characters figure out each others' genders and realise that they may be attracted to each other.

Orcs don't really do narrative arts, they figured out advanced chemistry before writing, and they manufacture perfumes specifically meant to mimic the scent of an orc in heat and then jack off to the smell. Having an orc roommate in college is unbearable.

Gnome porn is unspeakable. Do not speak of gnome porn.

Elvish porn, regardless of media type, features more humans than the uninitiated would expect. This is largely because elvish mating customs are just as slow-paced as those of dwarves, so the myth of humans as wildly promiscuous hypersexual turbosluts is somewhat based in reality: the culture shock that elves often encounter in mixed relationships, where the human partner whom they have been appropriately courting in a perfectly respectable way all of a sudden throws all propriety in the wind and goes "hey we've been together for ten years, do you want to see my tits while they're still this good?"

[ID: a tag reading, “#don’t eat citrus if you have any mental health problems #the vitamin C is so bad for you” end ID]

losing my fucking mind over how people will come on here and say just the easiest to disprove absolutely inane lies. for no reason at all

that feeling wayne (tfw)

Dpxdc Prompt #78

In a world where Danny is adopted by Bruce Wayne because of *insert reason here* he starts posting on what he thinks is a private account with all of the strange things he’s noticed about the Waynes using the hashtag #thatfeelingwayne on ever post. He is unaware they are the Bats, but he’s smart enough to know that something is up and documents it.

What Danny is also unaware of is the fact that his account is actually public. Tucker, Sam, and Val (mostly Tucker) have teamed up to convince him (and his tech) that the account is private when in reality everything he posts goes viral.

On the other end the batfam (mostly Tim and Barbara) are trying their hardest to keep Bruce from finding the account because they find it hilarious.

example under the cut

Keep reading

If I tell you this is a horror dance number it still won't prepare you. That last move was so terrifying even the judge was like "Let go! Let go!" If you told me they're actually possessed I'd believe you.

The music is a remix of the song Mere Dholna from the Bollywood movie Bhool Bhulaiyya, a remake of the classic Malayalam horror-comedy Manichitrathazhu. It's about a young bride that seemingly becomes possessed of Manjulika, a dancer of the ancient royal court whose tragic death has turned her into a vengeful spirit, one who evokes the wrath of the goddess Durga Kali. In the iconic scene that is repeated across remakes, the groom and his family discover his bride dancing in the dead of night in a manic, disassociative fugue, wearing a moth-eaten dancer's costume and a face smeared in kohl, ash and vermilion. She's hallucinating that she's Manjulika dancing carefree for the court with her lover. The upbeat music is deliberately incongruous with the pathos and creepiness of the scene in reality, especially as it crescendos in the bride's head to the moment when the king decapitates Manjulika's beloved in a fit of jealous rage.

This specific number is by the all-male troupe B Unique, performed for the Indian reality talent contest Hunabaarz. It's a modern fusion based on Bharatnatyam that turns up the creep factor by 200% and is basically a showcase of contortionism and synchronicity. One of the most perfectly choreographed and executed dances I have ever seen. Truly incredible!

The group is still taking their work across the world's talent shows. And yes, that guy is hypermobile enough to do that with his neck. XD

Dcxdp #21

Danny ends up in the DC Universe with no way to get home so he starts setting up his own business to make money and so it's easier to get the supplies he needs to get home. along the way he gets mixed up with something that he doesn't quite realize is villainous and it gets crashed by Heroes. he gets away Scot free because he didn't realize it was villainous but the heroes think that he's not so innocent and are trying to prove it. I'm imagining the heroes to be Tim and Kon but this can work with other Heroes. They end up building a rivalry mostly because they keep crashing Danny's things to prove it and Danny sees right through them. I think the 5th crashing of Danny's plans Danny just prepares for them and that convinces them more that he's a villain. 

 Why I have specifically created this idea is so Elle/Dani ends up with Danny in the DC Universe later and she is very obvious about being a clone, she has no reason to hide it. I want there to be a fight between Tim and Kon of which one was cloned forgetting that they can, you know, ask Danny and Dani. They think Ellie is created for the same reason as Kon and are trying to help her when in reality she was created by Danny's nemesis to take down Danny. Tim and Connor are trying to take credit for Ellie and parent her but both Danny and Ellie have no idea why.

God, Maxwell and Olethra's equal but opposite character arcs are really getting to me.

Olethra is sky-eyed from the start, granddaughter of the legendary adventurer Comfrey MacLeod. She's desperate to escape the boring life that her parents lead in Pilby and to follow in the footsteps of her grandmother. She's a huge fan of the Zephyr crew, and she read all of Monty's books about their adventures.

But as she goes on this adventure, she realizes that while it is certainly fantastical, it's also dangerous as well. She's lucky enough to have the mech, but the other people around her don't have that kind of protection. She watches them get beaten bloody and struggle to fight back. When she tries to get in a good quip for Monty's next book, he's distracted in the middle of his fight. Things aren't like the stories.

And on top of all of this, the grandmother that she adored so much is slowly revealing herself to be a not-so-great person. She was reckless and single-minded, prone to taking on debts that she knew she couldn't pay. She was sometimes unkind to the people who had once been family to her, and sometimes her recklessness really hurt them. Her grandmother is not the false idol that Olethra has made her out to be, she is a real and flawed woman.

On the other hand, Maxwell is incredibly serious and practical. While he holds onto his grandfather's idea that finding Zood is a worthy investment, he does not hold onto any whimsical ideas of exploring it. He simply wishes to note that it exists to restore the Gotch family name before immediately returning to Gath. Even his fighting is based in rules and structure, even if it's incredibly violent. Mordecestershire is "breaking the rules" by wearing a jetpack to escape instead of simply dying from being thrown off the ship. It's all logical.

But the longer that Maxwell spends in Zood, the more impractical and almost whimsical he becomes. Yes he's still incredibly serious, but he also believes for a moment that he could fight a dinosaur. He jokes with Monty about his books being terrible. He makes the "rowdy" and reckless choice to give Torse his heart. He throws a snowball at Monty when they're at the Ectic Research Station. Even the "you're meat" scene is its own kind of twisted whimsy, comically violent and highly impractical. Of course he's still a bit of a wet blanket sometimes, but he's slowly learning why his grandfather was so sky-eyed.

Olethra's arc is about a dreamer having to ground her dreams in reality, and Maxwell's arc is about getting a realist to start dreaming again.

If you watch the videotape, you’re gone in a week.

That’s the deal. That’s the legend. And it’s true… kinda.

Listen. I’ve been trapped in this tape for a decade now. I don’t want this. I don’t like this. Who would?

But the curse is the curse is the curse. You find yourself in possession of the tape. You are tempted to watch the tape. Eventually, you cave and you pop it in the machine. Then I haunt the eff out of you for a week. Then you expire.

Dang, how I wish folks wouldn’t watch the tape.

The thing with ghosts, right? The thing is: we are deeply traumatised.

Like, I haunted a therapist once and we talked it over. (I mean, he didn’t really know we were talking it over. He thought he was having a series of very trippy, vaguely work-related dreams.)

People think ghosts trapped in cursed objects are all “look at me, I’m trapped in the horror of my supernatural demise, so I’m gonna enact the horrors on the living world”. And, like, I can’t speak to every spirit, right? Some of them might be like that.

But most of us? Our spooky PTSD response is flight or freeze or faun. Like, you run so fast from the end that you literally escape the reaper. Or you freeze so hard you form a calcified knot of nerve tissue in reality. Or you faun at the powers that be so convincingly they offer you a Real Bad Deal and you take it, because of course you do.

Even ghosts who hit the fight response… it mostly fades when the perceived threat is gone. Then you’re stuck in the aether, knowing someone has cast you as the monster in a bad slasher flick and they’re gonna call action someday.

Sorry. I’m rambling. I do that. Look, I can get to the point if you really want, but you won’t like it any more than I do.

Sure I can’t regale you with more tales from beyond the veil? I’ve got a bunch!

Okay. Fine. Look…

Here’s the tea: the video tape only finds its way to folks who were gonna pass in seven days anyway. The chilling visions, witchy dreams and creeping terror? That’s all just set dressing. I’m more of a ferryperson than a ghost, really. A psychopomp, to give it the fancy term.

The real kicker? The sting in the tail of every curse is a gift. By which I mean…

If you don’t watch the tape, then you won’t pass on.

Still, everyone always watches the tape. Eventually.

Oh, I beg with them. I plead them. I promise to be a good roommate in their psyche and not take up too much space or get too much ectoplasm on the couch. But communication from beyond is complicated. Sometimes, I terrify them. Sometimes, I just make them curious. Sometimes, I’m just quiet and I pray and I try to fill their subconscious with quiet, fervent hope.

Some of them hold out a while. One woman lasted a whole six months.

I reckon if someone holds out long enough… maybe a year? Maybe more? Then the curse will be broken and we can both escape our fates.

That might just be wishful thinking, though.

In the meantime, I just try to be grateful for every day I go unwatched.

Every extra day I can give you is a blessing.

Hell. Why do I bother? I don’t know if you can even hear anything except chittering…