moooore dekumic!
and O/O, my beloved
(izukus wearing my headcanon for his adult hero costume, i like to picture he did a slight rebrand to account for being quirkless!)

rambly chatter below about my omegaverse headcanon stuff!

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Dude this person's thoughts are inherently evil let's fucking kill them

Man this person has not committed one material offense but the way their brain works gives me an icky feeling, let's make sure it never comes crawling back online this time

Y'know there's something almost poetic about seeing a bunch of replies from people saying "lol me at myself" and checking their blog to see they would consider me on their "dni" list or have "general dnis" listed

Like the amount of people reblogging this without context who would turn this exact rhetoric on me is so upsetting it's almost funny

Classic tumblr event of people reblogging my post about no thought crimes and then adding tags like "except ■■■■■ because that one is extra yucky!"

THIS POST IS ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE THE STRAWMAN I CREATED.

Good tag from prev

The 8 year plan starts now

I think the weirdest form of fatphobia I keep bumping into is writers suddenly becoming deeply concerned with physical realism when a fat character is involved even in contexts where everybody's physical capabilities are explicitly bullshit. "They're fat, it wouldn't make sense for them to have super speed" and it would make sense for the 98-pound twink to be able to run at Mach Fuck? That's something skinny people can do in real life, is it?

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

Projecting my cramps onto him

mark my words

redbubble / trans flag version

Hey you. Yes you.

C’mere.

*throws you into the last game you played again*

Now with some adjustments based on how it went last time!