Nude #9

by Camille Schmidt

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1.
XOXO 02:51
Trying to be present lately Taking walks around the neighborhood 27 just a baby So much in this life that I could do The other day I had this fantasy What if you and me we had a kid Two moms make a real fucking baddie Tell me what you don’t say but you think When I’m alone I go fucking crazy Conjuring a demon in my room If Austin knew me now he would hate me XOXO, feel better soon Did you hear I’m a nepo-baby I am mother nature’s favorite kid Even then I knew I would make it Driving 65 in my Sportage When I’m alone I go fucking crazy Conjuring a demon in my room If Chris O. knew me now he would hate me XOXO, feel better soon When I’m alone I go fucking crazy Conjuring a demon with the moon RIP the girl I was playing XOXO, feel better soon
2.
Nic 03:53
Your eyes glowed red like a fly’s When I drank from your glass I wanted you more than life So we made a pact I gave so you would give I made you cum then you vaped some Nic Watched 8 1/2 then ate cake from the fridge The heart expands and the contracts The heart expands and the contracts I said I didn’t need anything Tied me up in apple chargers Tried to make something bruise I lay there as if it wasn’t Something I’d put you up to Told me you had one main problem Called it indifference Everyone tells you who they are If you’re listening I gave so you would give I made you cum then you vaped some Nic Watched the sun rise from your daddy’s crib The heart expands and the heart contracts The heart expands and the heart contracts I said I didn’t need anything Tucked myself tight into bed But I can’t sleep at all A spider’s spinning her web Toward her a beetle crawls Can you ever be honest at the end You have no real love to give I don’t need more friends You have no real love to give You have no real love to give You have no real love to give And I don’t need more friends I gave so you would give I said buy more when you wanted to quit I’ve never been selfless The heart expands and the contracts The heart expands and the contracts I still needed oxygen
3.
How could anyone be like you are to me How could anyone be like you are to me Waiting for another one Maybe it’s the big one Called off the date cause I didn't think we’d have fun How could I let you in I wake up gasping every morning How could anyone be like you are to me How could anyone be like you are to me My OCD Come see it in 3D Says you’re too short for me And I don’t like your teeth Yeah I’ve gone crazy Two times before Once in London Once at a cult in Denver How could anyone be like you are to me How could anyone be like you are to me How could I let you in I wake up gasping every morning How could anyone be like you are to me How could anyone be like you are to me How could anyone be like you are to me
4.
Stanley 02:53
Going nowhere, going nowhere Got two hands and no one to hold them White noise, schadenfreude Facebook messaged for a brand new toy I wanna be tough but I wanna be coy I wanna be you when you look like a boy Met up to read at the bookstore cafe I knew I was gonna overstay I said I had to go, got in the car and drove Back to my blue bungalow Going nowhere, going nowhere Got two hands and no one to hold them I walked the plank, I mean I went to the bank I had a hot matcha and a heart attack Going nowhere, going nowhere Got two hands and no one to hold them On the plane I saw this message Some woman Jess had texted “Stanley sits and Stanley drinks When he takes off his shoes he stinks He’s going nowhere going nowhere Got two red eyes and a bottle of ‘rona I got two hands and no one to hold them!” I wanna be myself I wanna be someone else I wanna be with you but I’m stuck on this shelf I talk to myself when I wanna talk to you I wanna be somewhere I’m not stuck like glue to the wall Wanna remember I’m green Remember I’m spring Remember I’m queen Remember “We love you” Remember I’m anthropomorphizing goddammit… Going nowhere, going nowhere Got two hands and no one to hold them (Going nowhere, going nowhere) I washed my clothes but I don’t wanna fold them (Going nowhere, going nowhere) Making online friends playing Texas Hold‘em (Going nowhere, going nowhere) Got two hands and no one to hold them
5.
Fish Pills 02:42
What do I do do I double my dose I don’t wanna end up comatose Screaming in the streets at another protest Aaron’s on fire, no one’s noticed All these years the doctors said nothing’s wrong Not the witch doctor who fed me fish pills to make me strong… Not the OBGYN who didn’t know I wasn’t eating and gave me a long speech on relaxation and reading Now I’m finished with the novel and I’m working on my thesis Yeah I’m finished with the novel and I’m working on my thesis What do I do do I double my dose I don’t wanna end up comatose Sucking off guys who love when I choke Ha ha ha I’m a real big joke All those years my mom said that nothings wrong It’s okay to wanna be skinny and wear your blond hair long I could help you lose a little weight, be a waif, it could even help me with a tad of self hate If you get a little thinner you could be a movie star Who wouldn’t want to be a pretty little movie star What do I do do I double my dose I don’t wanna end up comatose Mom wouldn’t say it but she’s gone broke Her accountant called I’m not picking up the phone All these years I’ve known that somethings wrong All these years I’ve known that somethings wrong Now somethings really wrong with me Yeah somethings really wrong I’m feeling bad, bad, bad, bad, bad I’m feeling bad, bad, bad, bad, bad What do I do do I double my dose I don’t wanna end up comatose I’d like to laugh at a real good joke I’d like to kiss then take things slow I’d like to love you if you’d let me I’d like to love myself cause I’m finally getting in Leonard Cohen said it’s the cracks that let the light in But what if you crack up before the light gets in What do I do do I double my dose I don’t wanna end up comatose
6.
Proton electron photon Clock stopped, hair white blonde Who am I without the wallet I lost Sit and wait for something to come I belong to the rain and the mouth of the gun I am not real the pills haven't kicked in I’m not responding but I am still thinking Proton electron photon Clock stopped hair white gone Who am I without a feeling of longing There’s this gap where I should belong I’m around people and something is wrong I want to be honest but I want to be strong When I am not real, I am a song I am a song
7.
Saw a movie with my ex No one’s like Madison she is the best I cried at the gore, accidentally grabbed her leg I can’t do blood, love, or friendship Grandma’s birthday, I’m her present At a place called Long View you can smell the dementia Looking that far off set me right on a precipice I can’t do blood, love, or fresh cut hedges Got some Reiki to clear my head This doctor stood there for about twenty seconds Then she rushed out, scared by what she’d witnessed Wouldn’t say what she saw just there was cobalt in her vision In her vision My class prayed for me to get better After I passed out during hospital testing That woman wasn’t a doctor she was more expensive I can’t do blood, love, or blessings Ellie’s friend Nikko opened a letter Four months after cancer killed their mother They owe a quarter of a million dollars Turns out death isn’t something Medicare covers I hate my life I hate the feds Hate waking up Hate making my own bed I should be grateful I’m such a bitch Not even original Cause my mom said it Oh I should be grateful I’m such a bitch I called my grandma I asked her this Does it get better Or just different Cause I can’t do blood, love, or any of this shit
8.
Nude #9 03:16
I’m scared of the light and I’m scared of the dark I’m scared of you when you open your arms I don’t want to know what it feels like to watch me leave Standing on the back porch of our apartment screaming I’ve never known a love that is good But now I think I could find something beautiful I feel it inside I’m scared of white columns, I’m scared of that house I’m scared of Rebecca, her bra on the couch I don’t wanna know what it feels like to watch me leave Standing on the back porch of our apartment screaming I wrote you this song but it’s a lie The truth always takes me some time But now I think I could write you something real I’m scared of my childhood, all that nude art I’m scared of your necklace, having half of your heart I don’t wanna know what it feels like to watch me leave Standing on the back porch of our apartment screaming A curse is a curse and a prize Behind the curtain’s the highest price I’m taking off my clothes with my eyes open I’m scared of the light and I’m scared of the dark I’m scared of you when you open your arms I don’t want to know what it feels like to watch you leave I don’t want to know what it feels like to watch you leave I don’t want to know what it feels like to watch you
9.
Heaven 03:41
Can’t sleep tonight My mind’s gone running There’s a racetrack in there And I can’t stop going Heaven is a place that you can’t see Heaven is a place that’s real to me Heaven’s always closer than it seems And lately it seems really close to me When I was eleven My mom drove through a wall One inch to the left and it would have make the whole building fall She told me I was her angel I had prevented the worst But where are all the other angels Stopping strangers from getting hurt Heaven is a place that you can’t see Heaven is a place that’s real to me Heaven’s always closer than it seems And lately it seems really close to me In college I blew this guy For over an hour My knees got bruises I took a long hot shower When we met up years later He said he thinks about it to this day He asked if I do too and I said Yeah But not in the same way Heaven is a place that you can’t see Heaven is a place that’s real to me Heaven’s always closer than it seems And lately it seems really close to me Almost died in London Ectopic pregnancy Chris flew out the same day Though I said I don’t want you here with me He stayed up all night crying Till I said is there someone you can call I have surgery in the morning And I’m scared I’m gonna die is all Heaven is a place that you can’t see Heaven is a place on earth to me Heaven’s always realer than you think And lately it seems pretty real to me
10.
Albatross over water Cancer in my father How could anyone leave their daughter Hollow mind, hollow mind Had a sex dream at the hospital Couldn’t think of any friend to talk to All the vending machines vended doctors Hollow mind, hollow mind Sang a song for you thought you’d like it But you sat still, unsmiling Said, “Never write a song about me.” Hollow mind, hollow mind Yeah you showed me your favorite spider Guess we both miss our childhoods Mom’s looking at Olivia Wilde Hollow mind, hollow mind I’m two beers deep at this party I could call you but I don’t want to How can anyone love their daughter Hollow mind, hollow mind Mind Daddy long legs, Remember diners? Belgian waffles, you and mom fighting When you were my age you were enlightened So I sit here trying, trying Hollow mind, mind hollow Mind hollow, mind hollow Mind hollow, mind hollow My hollow, my hollow My hollow

credits

released January 10, 2025

Written by Camille Schmidt
Produced by Ben Zaidi
Guitar by Sam Acchione and Jacob Drab
Bass by Eli Heath
Drums by W. Alexander and Kane Ritchotte
Mastering by Chris Gehringer

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Camille Schmidt Brooklyn, New York

Cult leader (brooklyn-based songwriter)

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