How it feels

Someone in Glasgow please go see this for me pls. I will be there in spirit 🙏

Brief report from the flute accompaniment:

It went well! At least 100 people attended, families dogs a solid portion of Glasgow's trans community. There was a really lovely atmosphere, nice weather and a very cheerful celebratory vibe.

After short speeches from the ballhaver and the large dyke (my wife), the ballhaver was given a chupa chup and blindfolded (execution style). The balls were then duly kicked; it made a surprisingly loud dull thumping sound. She fell to the ground to loud cheers and there was a moment of silence while Taps played on the flute. The large dyke wore solovair urban hikers.

Account from the Large Dyke.

Arrived early to find the crowd already gathering, so the kick got off to a prompt start. Following some introductions from everybody and some cheery folk music from our flautist (my wife!) we got on with the kick.

I think we got good contact, the top of my boot making a good solid noise on impact. Very good atmosphere all round, people stayed to chat for a while. Were it not January it would have been an excellent opportunity for a picnic.

10/10 queer event, would happily kick anybody in the balls in the name of community.

Account from the ball haver

7am: the pressure is getting to me; I wake up and drink half a bottle of diet iron bru from my bedside table; roll out of bed, and psych myself up in the mirror - "you can do this my little pogchamp" I say to myself over and over until I decend into a stupor.

8am: I play an hour of Okami on steam to replenish my chi levels

9am: I look at my balls for a while

10am: I spend 20 or so minutes trying to decide what to wear before realising it's the subartic in midwinter and I'm going to have to dress for -2C° regardless of what I choose and opt of my trusty black Schott thermal padded winter flight jacket and a pair of loose, warm Uniqlo trousers to give my testicles room to breathe.

11am: crashing out, texting my friends to arange a substitute kickee, an understudy, anybody so I can just become one with the crowd and not go through with it

12am: the homies have arrived, I'm drinking redbush tea in a small cafe by the park; god is in his heaven and all is right with the world

12.15: "you must be here to watch me get kicked in the balls?"

12.40: a circle emerges, from within the circle a palpable energy focuses like a lens down unto me and I feel like I'm gonna pee my pants a little

12.50: cheers begin, several complete families with dogs arrive - more friends appear and assort themselves into a gathering of 'real heads' ready to watch my groin be dessicated by the firm lace of a women for woman woman with a foot loosed through the gates of war as Augustus saw fit the dispatch and return of his troops from far corners through the blessings of Janus.

12.55: I think I left the stove on

1pm: Short introductions are made, grace is shown, music accompanies the gathering

1.03pm: what is left of my dignity disappears up my inguinal canal; I can feel it more in my lower chest than I can in my groin but the humour and adrenaline lift me and I'm laughing on my feet again soon. I kneel for the last post.

You people are normal right. If I learn how to be a person from you it would be fine right

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Need head from a broad with acid reflux. Make it sizzle princess

how does tumblr think they can possibly police the content on this website

I am whatever gender has the shortest line at the bathroom

No need I think

​I see this one going places

Yeah. The bathroom

ah but which bathroom

the one with the shortest line did you not read the post

comic about the ymca

What’s a food from your culture that u HATE #hatersonly

I expected Americans without another discernible cultural background to answer this with regional American dishes im getting taken out by people just saying stuff like “burger” and “mcdonalds”

it's good for your mental health to have mutuals who are wildly horny about kinks which do nothing at all for you

this is both as in. sometimes you will realise that actually these kinks do do something for you and that can be very eye-opening and liberating

and also as in. sometimes you will hear someone decry these kinks as indicative of moral failing, and being friends with people like this makes you immune to that sort of knee-jerk outrage

Also primes you for awareness that there are a lot of people who like a lot of things you don’t like or even that make you uncomfortable, and that is okay, has nothing to do with their character, and is also none of your business.

It’s always good practice. Remember that minding your own business costs $0 and has numerous health benefits.

“Having freaky friends to immunise you against moral panic” is a take so good I can’t believe I don’t hear it more often.

"I have been attending the Devil's sacrament with you perverts for three weeks straight and you haven't awakened a fucking thing in me."