Tumblr has the best algorithm of all the social medias in my opinion, I love going on the for you page because it seems to suggest posts based on vibes more than topics. no I don’t want to read that person’s 270k word Power Rangers fanfiction but you know what? I’m proud of them and I’m glad I saw the post

27yro Bruce travels to the future, meets Nightwing and immediately goes. Oh no. Dicks dead and this is his father. I can’t believe I could live in a world without Dick Grayson I’m gonna kms

And Dick doesn’t explain it bc he’s experiencing the horrors of realizing HOW much like John Grayson he looks like (he has his mamas eyes tho too bad Bruce can’t see em bc Nightwing mask)

Anyway once other people (Tim, Jason, Damian, Steph, himself, Cass etc) explain that Nightwing is in fact not John Grayson

Bruce goes “okay so where is Dick”

And everyone lowkey expected the worlds greatest detective to clock this

Man who looks like his sons dad is probably his son grown up seeing as we are in the future

And like Someone caves and points at Nightwing and Bruce takes one look and goes

“No”

And Dick is now experiencing the horrors squared and about go to on an absolutely biblical rage rant

“No he’s too big”

“…what”

“My boy is small that man there is too big”

5’11 with insoles Dick Grayson who has never managed to bulk up ever bc he’s a whore for cardio (acrobatics)

“Bruce we are in the future”

“Yes yes I am aware but Dick is small”

Other Bruce (45yro): Dick take off your mask

Anyway

27yo Bruce not like clocking that his son will one day grow older and get bigger and like move out and get a job and married and have a family outside of himself and work outside of the dynamic duo

27yro Bruce who like knows how aging works objectively but went “pshhh yeah but not MY BOY”

Anyway yeah

Batman: You left a mission to get coffee?!

Spoiler: I was getting tired. Sorry, my body isn’t a mess like yours. I crave coffee, and not just any coffee. I need my pumpkin spice latte with ten sugars and almond milk, a little unsweetened blueberry, and two espresso shots.

Batman (flatly, disgusted): Every time you describe that witch’s brew you call coffee, I weep for the barista making it. And you could’ve waited.

Keep reading

ALT

Batman #563

Picture this: The world is dark. Bleak. Gritty. Gotham is split into territories at war. Gangs are burning the bodies of their own dead in the streets and pretending they’re the enemy, just to keep control. Every man is for himself. A child has been killed on-panel. The dogs are all dead because people ate them.

And then these two show up and Emotional Whiplash occurs.

Oh nothing, just Bruce falling asleep around his kids cause thats the only place he can let his guard down enough to catch up on much needed rest. Bruce who cannot fall asleep without the sound of another person breathing in the room, without someone to tether him to the world and remind him that hes alive.

The first few times he does it they take offence, is their conversation not interesting enough for the all great Batman? Is their prescence oh so dull that he cant even keep himself awake for the few hours theyre spending together? Its only when all of them are gone for a while (not intentionally, just life happening) and Damian comes back to a bruce who looks completely wrecked, as exhausted as hes rarely ever seen him, does he understand. As soon as theyre done with their greetings, Bruce suggests they watch a movie. He makes it through the first five minutes and sleeps through the rest of the two hours, so deeply he doesnt move an inch from his position on the couch.

The memo eventually reaches everyone and they start quietly organising themselves so that bruce is never left alone for long and it works MIRACLES on his sleep schedule. Damian puts on boring movies on purpose and draws while Bruce sleeps, Tim quietly sits next to him and does his work while Bruce snoozes on his own desk. Cass comes over with a snack and her phone and bruce dozes off despite the loud volume of her tiktoks playing. Just knowing hes in the prescence of someone he loves and who loves him, someone well trained and capable of holding their own, eases just that bit of tension hes always holding just enough to give him a break, a break his body then uses to rejuvinate.

i do find it funny the concept of all the batkids agreeing that tim is the most likely to eventually snap and go full supervillain on them all. like i bet damian and jason get together and decide that to lower the risk they should ragebait the fuck out of him at any and all opportunity to try and steer him away from overreactions. and i bet it stresses dick the fuck out.

-

Jason: *trips Tim for no reason* whatcha' gonna do? kill me again?

Tim: can you give it a fucking rest- *tries to get up*

Jaosn: no *shoves him back down*

Dick, furiously whispering after Tim leaves: can you stop pissing him off you know he's a flight risk-!

Jason: that's the point. if we piss him off enough he'll get used to it and he'll stop thinking everything should be retaliated with via supervillain revenge. we're lowering the stock value of his rage.

Dick:

Dick: are you fucking kidding me-

-

Damian: *walks into the batcave and silently shoots Tim with a paintball gun*

Tim: OW- YOU PIECE OF-

Damian: deep breaths Timothy. remember your mental exercises.

Tim: SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'LL-

Damian: *shoots him again*

Tim:

Tim:

Damian: *cocks gun in warning*

Tim: ...i'm going to go. do some gardening. and meditate.

Dick, after Tim leaves, face pale: why are you testing him like that he's going to kill us all.

Damian: Todd and i have a schedule to ensure premium anger management training.

Dick: THATS NOT GONNA WORK.

Damian: and yet he's gardening right now.

-

*during a JL meeting the batkids had to help out with*

Tim: -so that's my plan, are there any objections?

Jason: yeah, that plan's fucking stupid. like seriously, did you even try?

Damian: literally the most pathetic attempt at displaying intelligence i've ever seen. no wonder your original parents stopped calling.

Tim: *stares at the two blankly for fifteen full seconds*

Tim: ok well anyway-

Diana, leaning in to Dick: ...what was that about?

Dick, white-knuckling the table, blood pressure through the roof: they're. trying to train him.

Diana:

Diana: they're what now.

I always end up in this weird place because I like fannon but half of the relationships, fandom is confident about in the batfamily are nonexistent in the comics.

So I get asks that are really hard to answer because that is literally coming from nowhere so I am not familiar with exactly what you’re talking about?

*Not necessarily a bad thing I love researching random shit.

Which is why I think all of the times when I’m kind of blunt about favoritism or random hypotheticals they come off as really assholey. But it’s just because in the comics those two people have never interacted so why are we gonna kill Jason for them?

That is always the thought process that happens whenever I run into the polls about saving someone over the other or who do you think is this person’s favorite?

The answer is not hard or complicated if you’ve read the comics. If you haven’t and you’re only familiar with fannon that’s when your answer is not cut and dry.

In general, a lot of the Wayne’s are also not always the best people. I’m a firm believer in the narrative of the heroes who are trying to better the world. But they also can be kind of fucking assholes.

Dick is not hugging every single vigilante in Gotham and throwing them a goddamn parade every time they save someone.

He is an extremely capable, badass vigilante with anger issues who unless you are really important to him does not typically have the time of day to care about your emotional stability.

Yes, he’s going to save civilians, he will talk you down from jumping off a bridge. That doesn’t mean he’s going to braid your hair and have a sleepover.

That is the cusp of my issue, sometimes having to answer questions about Batfamily randomness. It’s always Dick, too.

Since in fandom he is this lovable octopus.

But in the comics, unless you’re literally one of the most important people in his life he’s not actually all that nice.

Even if he does care about you in the comics, he’s still a fucking asshole. If you go through his comics and actually look at the random shit he is saying it is extremely fucked up sometimes. The only person I do not have a moment in memory of him saying something that I think is literally a War Crime to is maybe Tim. I’m not even sure because he lives up to his name. Damain he’s also pretty nice, but also has made some not nice comments.

Jason, he has an on-site order for all the time. Bruce he has ripped him a new asshole, then tried to kick his ass and like a week later showed up for patrol again.

Dick Grayson 100% is loving, kind, protective, handing out nicknames, doting but he is only like that constantly to maybe three people. Donna Troy, Tim Drake…..Wally…maybe? Keyword constantly! For people like Starfire, Babs, Damian, Roy, Bruce. He has very sweet moments and is overall nice but if you give him 10 minutes, he’s going to say something really fucked up. Jason gets an honorable mention because he was nice sometimes when he was younger…

Dick Grayson is also a lying, manipulative, cruel asshole.

Especially when he’s stressed or angry.

Even Donna, who I cannot think of a moment of him being really mean to her, I’m sure has said something fucked up. That is his Wonder Twin half of his soul.

He threatened to remove the elevator. He literally threw over his shoulder to Barbara Gordon that he would take away her way of leaving.

Dick Grayson is Sunshine; He can be very warm, but also will burn your fucking skin and give you cancer. 

Batfam as Disney Princesses;

Tim: His narcoleptic ass is Sleeping Beauty

Damian: Has to adjust to a new environment on his own? Ariel

Jason: Betrayed by someone he just met yet thought would care about him. This bitch is Ana

Dick: I can’t explain it. He’s just Snow White. Maybe because he faked his death.

Cass: Leaves what she was destined for to do what she wants. Moana.

Bruce: Not properly parented growing up. Lonely childhood with just one old person and no therapy. Rapunzel.

Bruce Wayne, who predominantly raised teenage boys and is still actively raising teenage boys.

Taught Dick how to shave.

Spent years dragging half asleep and begrudging children out of bed every morning for school.

Gave sex talks, feigned oblivion when sheets needed to be washed or when five minute showers become thirty.

Morning found his coffee being chugged by his third son. Jason eating bacon and eggs from his plate. Dick's head buried in the fridge.

Alfred's judgmental gaze when not a single boy found a shirt or pants as a requirement before coming downstairs. Content to lounge around in boxers.

"What the fuck is a bathrobe?"

"An article of clothing, on your floor Master Timothy."

"I didn't see it....?"

"No, that would require moving trash, and being able to see said floor."

"God this house is a nightmare-"

Bruce Wayne learned early, gremlins come late.

Between the hours of 12:00-3:00 am.

Will tell you everything, how school was, who they love, the worse things to happen to them.

What they need.

You can't be asleep.

Sometimes it's stupid, a Christmas present an annoying teacher.

Or it's the last step before making a decision.

Bruce after a long day pretending to relax in bed, waits.

Dick clad in Superman boxers appears.

"I think I'm depressed-"

He's wiped tears, changed plans.

"Bruce- can I tell you something?"

Accepted confessions with open arms.

Picked up drunk children.

Picked up the phone.

"Bruce-Dad...I fucked up."

Hunted his second oldest down, finding his baby bleeding out.

Patched up wounds, staying as long as Jason wanted.

Broken windows, crashed cars, blood and broken bones.

Tears, vomit.

He hasn't eaten hot food in years, hasn't slept through the night in even longer.

Bruce Wayne stares at three heads of black hair taken up his entire bed and knows he wouldn't change a single thing.

Well one thing.

"Damian, why are you on the floor?"

"Todd kicked me Baba!! I was asleep!"

"Jay- let your brother in the bed."

"Noooooooo."

"Father make-"

"Dad he-"

He's the luckiest man in the world.

Teenagers though definitely suck...