a twitter thread that actually killed me
"Put Baby in pelican mouth" has transformed my thinking in ways I haven't entirely discovered yet. The other day at the shop I heard "just give us your ID card at the till to get 15% off such-and-such products!" And my brain went "Big Chain Store perfec/t size for give all your personal data! Deals very cheap and fun your data safe give data to Big Chain Store. Give data to Big Chain Store. No problems ever with Big Chain Store because good size and safety for ID card weak of so much yummy personal data. Abig Chain Store yes a place for data give data to Big Chain Store can trust Big Chain Store for give data to all its friends. Friend Store"
The problem is I always want to dm my mutuals some shit like "I consider you an ally to my cause"
it's important to have bits that aren't good and also nobody likes and also aren't funny
I have the most beautiful news which is - When my eldest niece was a toddler, we all - Me, two of my biker friends, and four generations of my family - went to see the fireworks at the beach, and she got cold and sleepy so I wrapped her up in my leather jacket and denim kut covered in patches from bike rallies and sat her on my bike so she could warm herself up on the still-hot engine, where she fell asleep.
Her Mam took a photo, and I jokingly said "One day, if she's gay, she'll be able to impress girls with that picture."
Anyway, today she texted me and said that a girl she likes was really impressed with the photo of her as a baby hanging out with the bikers.
Just realized I'm still that kid that loved watching the videos on Sesame Street where they showed crayons being made or whatever.
i think every markiplier artist has a main "character design" for markiplier so this is mine
I sent this to my husband, and learned he doesn't know what knotting is.
it's when two sentient trees do mutual bondage by wrapping their roots around each other, right?
my cat when i dont feed them 5 minutes after they just ate
If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.
Oh hey! Haven’t seen this in forever! Didn’t reblog it when it came across me before, not gonna skip it this time, I need some good vibes.
was waiting on an emergency plumber, decided to smoke by my car instead of stare at my fucked up kitchen. he pulled up next to me, leaned out the window and goes "i'm assuming you're the client" like yeah buddy, read that one right
honorary best friend, mike the plumber, has saved the day. "don't worry, i've got pvc couplings you've probably never even seen before." brother, i wasn't aware that was something i could worry about
