I work in the field of aba (applied behavioral analysis) and have been for a little over a year. I started off really passionate about positively influencing the lives of children under the spectrum, because as an adult with adhd, I understood how hard it is as a kid to live in a not-so-opened minded neurotypical society.

I myself was bullied, left out, and made to feel unimportant on numerous occasions. I lacked the correct social skills, trying to mirror my peer’s behavior, yet being completely far off, and struggling to fit in for years. I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression with no outlet and proper coping mechanisms, all made worse with skewed communication skills. All of which I still struggle with today.

I started as a bt(behavior technician) and was quickly pushed into getting my license to become an rbt (registered behavior technician). On the journey to getting my license, I tried to soak up as much information as I could. It was very important to me to be a voice for the children. I had more downs then ups, as I put more pressure on myself then I should.

I wasn’t worried about running targets and gathering data. I wanted to ensure a good quality of life for my children. I’ll always call them my children, because I care for them that much. It’s almost maternal. I cry over my kids, worry about my kids, get angry at my kids. I love them more than anything in the world, I never knew I was capable of love until I got into the field.

Rbts don’t just work alone, we’re directly below bcbas (board certified behavior analyst). They make the plans for the kids, as the rbts run the sessions and gather the data bcbas need. Since the bcbas aren’t in session, it’s incredibly important that the rbt is collecting the right data and being extremely analytical over the session.

In my short time in being an rbt, I’ve been made to feel unimportant (as mentioned before) by numerous senior rbts and most importantly, bcbas. In my personal opinion, not being in a session can make it quite easy for a bcba to make the wrong decisions. In the past I’ve been quite vocal about ideas and goals that my kids can have long term, or just to push them into their next step of life. With children who are learning to functionally communicate, I step up and speak for them if I notice anything. I’m not a bcba, so technically I’m not legally allowed to run something without a bcba knowledge. But once again, my voice doesn’t matter.

As well as taking data, rbts are required to speak to parents. Not just about the child’s day, but for goals, progress, regression, and behaviors. Parent communication is very important, but parents implementing the same strategies as rbts is even more important. Some parents are amazing, but some parents drop their children off as an aba clinic is a daycare. It is far from it.

It’s very difficult watching parents drop their kids off in sick states, or seeing them come in minimal clothing in extreme cold. I’ve seen parents listen to therapist feedback and do the opposite of protocol,ensuring intense behaviors for therapist. As a parent it’s very difficult to live with the behaviors, so I undertstand how hard it may be. But as a therapist, I feel as if I’m not doing enough for my kid because they’re not making progress, because I can’t get them there alone. Parent cooperation is key.

I continue to get shot down and made to feel like I’m incompetent. I don’t know if it’s my age or minimal experience, but whatever the case may be, I no longer want to allow myself to be in spaces where I don’t feel heard. This is a really difficult thought for me to have, as I feel like I’m giving up on so many kids who just need someone to care about them. But I can acknowledge that in this field, caring isn’t always enough.

In the beginning I definitely tried my best. Advocating for my kids wasn’t the hard part, but my mental state is rapidly declining in the process. I truly still want to advocate for my kids, but when I voice my opinions I feel like what I’m saying is wrong.

I believe that stepping out of the field is my best option. To sit and watch fellow rbts and bcbas care too little or not at all for my kids has taken an incredible toll on my mental health. If you’re a parent or friend of someone interested in bringing a child into an aba clinic, please be sure you know exactly who is with them. There’s good therapists and bcbas , but there’s also a lot of people who just so happened to get their license and want a check.