Patrick crawls his way to the top of the snowbank, shaking snow out of his ears and retrieving his poor beleaguered hat. The fog is still so thick they can only really see each other, and only because of the light of Rudolph’s nose, but something is very clear to all of them, as they blink in bewilderment at each other: They have found land.
okay so there’s a trend going on on tiktok rn where ppl will take photos of their loved ones or their ship and match it with the lines “what a match/i’m half doomed/and you’re semi-sweet” from disloyal order. meredith did a version with andy it’s cute. fob tiktok posted about forty-some minutes ago doing the trend and the half doomed is pete and the semi-sweet is patrick 😭😭😭
Me: meanwhile I’m like, “Gee, I hope it’s believable when Patrick forgives Pete for lying about this thing”
Me: and this published novel is like, “That man can steal your whole fortune, never apologize, and never give it back, and we’re going to be cool with it because…………..the book tells us he’s hot????”
My friend: I mean knowing you Pete only lied because of crippling self esteem
My friend: not criminal intent lol
Me: haha no, he actually didn’t lie, he didn’t correct a misunderstanding Patrick had because he didn’t think it was important
Me: so HE DIDN’T EVEN LIE
Me: lololol
Me: and I’m still like, got to make sure they work through this together
The blizzard descends with ferocity, but blizzards don’t really bother Patrick or Rudolph. A blizzard is their native habitat. It snows constantly in Christmastown, and not gently or picturesquely. It snows like it means it. So when Yukon Joe talks about a blizzard, it alarms neither Patrick nor Rudolph, though Yukon Joe seems grim about it and turns up his collar to huddle deeper into his scarf.
Patrick considers what to say. He glances at the guitar. He doesn’t know how to explain that his whole life, being a musician has been discouraged and frowned upon, was something he attempted to do in such a shoddy and haphazard way that he can’t possibly feel comfortable calling himself a musician at this point. He’s just an elf with a guitar.
This letter is 3,097 words long, and a full quarter of those words is dedicated to Patrick Telling the Story of How Pete Broke His Heart. Like. What is even happening hahahaha.
Like what. the heck. is this:
He leaned down on the table, shook his head, opened his eyes widely and with quiet intensity went “Well, we’re going to take this year or two off and you can make all the music you want.”
Those words reverberated in my mind for weeks. Months. The idea that (as I interpreted it) he didn’t share my need to create, I felt so alone.
Is this not just straight-up fic????? FOR REAL, WHAT IS HAPPENING.
Every time Patrick tells the story of the hiatus he tells it slightly differently and every single time he reveals so much, like, this is supposed to be a letter about Soul Punk and instead it’s a letter about how he and his creative soulmate suddenly couldn’t get on the same page and then had such a devastating argument.
Also, Patrick’s explanation of the title is interesting because I always thought the pun in there was “Sole Punk,” as in Patrick feeling like the sole punk, all alone, which dovetails really nicely with how he was clearly feeling at the time.
So after 700 words setting up the great falling-out with Pete and how much it devastated Patrick, we get the story of Soul Punk, kind of, and then…WHERE IS THE REUNION, PATRICK? WHERE IS THE REST OF THE STORY? Presumably he feels like we don’t need to know that bit, because we know how it all ends. We know that in the end they figured it out together and they’ve been figuring it out together ever since.
But still. I do feel confident that someday, Patrick will tell another story of the hiatus, and it will be of the opposite end of it.
I have more thoughts about this, because I was thinking about it again, because are we not all, on some level, just endlessly thinking about this???? And the way Patrick describes their breakout as being about Patrick wanting to make music and Pete being like, “Fine! Go and make your music! Whatever!”
And then the way twenty-ish years later Patrick ran around to every interviewer who would listen to be like, “I really savored making this record! They let me move every microphone, like, inch by inch until I was happy with it! I took forever on every esoteric little aspect of production!!!” and Pete just sitting there indulgently next to him, fondly watching his enthusiasm, like, yup, I let him make his music.
Like, god, doesn’t it make you just weep over the way Patrick describes the making of SMfS, knowing how much he wanted that all along and how he thought Pete didn’t want it and then finally Patrick pushed Pete and instead of falling to pieces they just, like, made the album and it ended up being so awesome for them??????? Don’t you just weep over these things, guys??????
It feels like it should take him longer to get ready to depart the only home he’s ever known, but it’s probably a sign that he’s making the right decision that actually it only takes him a few minutes to gather up everything he wants. The guitar he once stole from one of the toy bundles intended for a little kid (it’s no big deal, once the other elves discovered it was missing they just made a new one and he pretended to find it later in January and nobody believed him for a second but he didn’t care, it was the only way he could get his hands on a guitar) and a couple of extra hats (not elvish hats, instead caps emblazoned with random human sports teams that he also pocketed from toy bundles) and some clothes. What else does he need? He casts a glance around the room he’s spent his entire life in, and he wonders if he’s going to miss it.
lol for real patrick's letter just made me want to comment like, this is such a great first chapter, please continue i want to see these guys get back together after this heartbreaking start. upload it to ao3 patrick!
honestly i can't believe the exact way pete looked at him - with quiet intensity - has stuck in his mind for the past 16 years but i guess it's not something you forget. thank god that's not where their story actually ended
I can believe that the moment lives so vividly in his memory, because it was clearly such a HUGE moment for both of them, this like resounding crack down the center of their relationship. I cannot believe that he thought, I need to make sure I describe it accurately for everyone, Pete looked at me WITH QUIET INTENSITY, lol, but I appreciate so much his dedication to communicating how much that haunted him and still seems to reverberate around his head to this day. Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter lol
The northern lights seem to momentarily freeze in their dance, as if in reaction to his thoughts. Patrick stares at the green and pink as they resume their movement slithering across the night sky. The thought slithers through his brain again, mimicking the sinuous flow of the colors: He should just leave. He feels the tempting conviction of it spreading through his body, fiercer with every heartbeat, as if it really is pumping through his veins, being pushed along until even every one of his extremities agrees, every finger and every toe. He should just leave.
