sun@egotistival.tumblr.com
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reminders
be kind!
carnivalheartasked
"you're the prettiest thing i've ever seen." ( alessandra @ clara 👀 )
egotistivalanswered
in the quiet of the hotel room, somewhere far enough away for clara to feel some semblance of safety, the words catch her by surprise. she’s lying with her back to alessandra’s front, arms around her torso and a chest breathing at her back, a deep gaze staring at her; she can feel the heat of that stare along her face. it’s the first time in such a long time that she feels truly safe and its because of the other. her eyes close for a second, and she commits this moment to memory - content to look back on it when she needs to - before she turns carefully in the arms of her beloved captor. for a second, her eyes travel reverently across alessandra’s face and she feels it building; desire, longing, a kind of pining that only a person can satiate. it’s not purely physical but clara does feel like she’ll never be close enough. “kiss me,” she begs, her words quiet but sure in between them. “please, just kiss me…” she does not move forward to breach the space between her lips and alessandra’s because doing so feels like owning the moment and she just wants to share it. she doesn’t reach forward to catch alessandra’s jaw, to caress the prominent curve there like she desperately wants to; not when doing so might scare the other off. “you can, you know…” she reassures, giving consent and laying herself bare. “anytime you want.”
it is a fair question. a good question. alessandra is not a good woman. her moral compass has long been spinning and spiraling to accommodate her own desires. it started as a necessity—a craving for revenge, a need to reclaim control, to salvage agency. but it’s an excuse that can only last for so long once you start leaving a trail of bodies behind you; once you realize you continue not only because you’re good at it, but because you enjoy it. she doesn’t have a single answer to clara’s question. but it’s certainly not out of the goodness of her heart. “you shouldn’t worry about it, clara.” her dark eyes hover over the woman’s face. fragile, still vulnerable—a face that would be six feet under if that worthless scum of a husband decided to contact someone else.
she deserves a shred of the truth, doesn’t she? “i see myself in you. in a way,” she confesses. a long time ago. maybe not too long. time behaves strangely in her world. she’s lived plenty of them throughout the ones she took. something about this job simply clicked a few memories back together. a trigger of responsibility, of chafing guilt. she cannot atone for her sins, but doing this, choosing to, lifts a weight off her shoulder she wasn’t even aware was there. “and your husband,” she says, “is a flagged person of interest. he’s burned. already under investigation. contacting a third party to eliminate you would make sure he kept his and his associates’ hands clean. would paint a target on my back as well.” it didn’t require her to handle the matter heads-on. she could simply have rejected the job. but explaining that now would open a breach in the conversation she isn’t prepared for, and she can already feel the throb of a headache forming in the back of her eyes, so alessa simply pours them a glass of water, her gaze softening: “he can’t hurt you anymore. soon he will never be able to do that again.” she’d make sure of that.
her hands trembled just slightly, she realized. she was good under pressure - she had to be when lives were at stake. she saved people, breathed for them when they couldn’t do it themselves, but she felt so weak just now. the abuse had driven her down to the very vulnerable parts of herself and she couldn’t see a way out just yet. “i am worried about it; you could get hurt because of me,” she knew logically that alessandra already knew this. that it was a given for the situation they’d found themselves in, clara cared. cared about her and her well-being because she’d spared her, for a reason clara still couldn’t really understand.
“we’re not the same,” she shook her head, blonde hair spilling across her shoulders as she breathed through the anxiety in her chest. “you wouldn’t have found yourself in this situation.” its a truth that she believes, stated like a fact and the wound opens up, festers and she lets it because she feels like she should be punished. she doesn’t flinch at the alluding to killing her husband, rather it leaves her feeling numb in a way that’s disconcerting to her. there is a certain kind of relief that comes from the statement - a certain kind of knowledge that she won’t have to endure anymore. but the worry that overtakes her at the idea of this woman getting caught up in her mess doesn’t make her feel any better. “just…” she eyes the water, feeling the thirst in her own mouth, and thinks about so many meaningless moments she’s had in her life up until this one. “just be careful.”
chrrybabieasked
"you're the prettiest thing i've ever seen." / hanna @ vivian i mean jennifer i mean vivian i mean ...
egotistivalanswered
heart beat gradually slowing, her hand lingers on hanna’s bare waist in an effort to hang onto every last moment of what they’d done together. closing her eyes, her breathing turns slow and deep, sated in a way that didn’t just equal to the physical. the time spent with hanna had multiplied over recent weeks but vivian struggled with how to feel about that. on one hand, hanna was quick to steal vivian’s attention and harbor it in a way that was singular; when hanna was in a room, vivian’s eyes would always naturally find hers. it was inexplicable, the bond that they now shared. and vivian couldn’t fight it - though she hadn’t really tried… she supposed she could try to ignore hanna but just the thought of doing so hurt deeply. that was how vivian knew it was real.. and god, how that terrified her. maybe she should try, maybe she should avoid hanna - save them both from the hurt that would no doubt find them if this continued.
“you’re the prettiest thing i’ve ever seen.”
shutting her eyes against the sudden urge to look over and see hanna’s expression, she hid her nose in the other woman’s bare collarbone. it was so unfair how her life had spiraled, how she had spiraled, so far out of control. she wanted to see hanna’s face, to see the expression she wore when she said the words - how reverent they had been, how unbelievably kind. but it felt like another thing she wasn’t allowed to have, and those splinters that she’d carried around for so long in her own heart pricked and cut deeply suddenly; a self punishment inflicted again. she didn’t deserve it. she didn’t deserve her. swallowing down the urge to say everything, to blow her own cover, her hand trailed up to hanna’s chest - not her breasts, but to where her heart beat a steady rhythm underneath vivian’s palm. i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry, she chanted in her head, eyes still closed but opening to the reality of what she was, what she’d done and what she’d continue to do. “i think you’re biased,” she echoes back, presses closer to her side until they’re flush again, hears her own breath catch at the contact. “but flattery will get you anywhere.” and it’s so hard, and so easy, to rise up and kiss her then.
vivian thinks she might want to do it for the rest of her life.
send "you're the prettiest thing i've ever seen." to see my muse's reaction. ♡ [feel free to add context / actions / other dialogue as needed.]
sorry i haven’t written anything today. its one of those days where i just feel shit about my own writing a little bit and also i haven’t been feeling quite 100%
fated
soulmates
Name
sun
Timezone
cst
Age
30