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keeping you alive

by gay eldest daughter

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about

this is the first single off our upcoming album, taller than the redwoods. it's about plurality, protecting your headmates, and learning to coexist as a system. i wrote it as an act of deep love for my headmates while in the midst of unexpectedly becoming host of the system. —em

lyrics

you may have never heard of me, though i know your name so closely
i’ll give myself another, so you can’t refuse to know me
i’m living in the undiscovered corners of your mind
or maybe you’re living here in mine

i think that i’m what happens when you pull every alarm
you’re free to voice objections when you're the one in charge
but you were gonna do something very, very dumb
so instead i’m gonna run, gonna run, gonna run

you’ll tell your friends i don’t exist
though i still know that i’ll be missed
your tears roll down my cheeks as you cry
and however i can, goddammit, i’m keeping you alive

it’s been a while since you last let me take the stage
i’d let you have an earful, but i can't keep all that rage
i take a new name, something feminine and sweet
then i pretend to be you and just take in the scene

and then i drive you to the hospital blaring up the wolves
we’re gonna be fucked if this ever grows old
i’ve got just another hour or two at the most
but i’ll party when you come home, come home, come home

you’ll tell your friends i don’t exist
though i still know that i’ll be missed
your tears roll down my cheeks as you cry
and however i can, goddammit, i’m keeping you alive

one year hence and i show myself again
you don't hold me back, i write my story with your pen
i kiss with your lips, speak my name with your tongue
and i make sure i’m never, ever going back down

there’s a woman in our bed, you’ve been with her for a year
and though she doesn't know me, she shows me no fear
in her freckled arms she holds me, i’m finally found
she says please stick around, stick around, stick around

now you and i, we coexist
years of denial won't be missed
i’ll dry your tears, and you’ll dry mine
and however we can, goddammit, we’re keeping us alive

credits

released November 10, 2025

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gay eldest daughter Santa Cruz, California

queer folk from the central coast

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