01.10.2023 ( Kenji )
✫ SUMMARY … In which Kenji opens up (or at least, he tries to)
✫ STARRING … Yoshikawa Kenji ’ Blitz ’ + Dr. Ahn
✫ WARNING(S) … one mention of abuse ( not specified ) and I think that’s it ? if anything is missing let me know !
✫ WORD COUNT … 953
✫ AUTHOR’S NOTE(S) … many thanks to Uyai ( @maeumui ) for proofreading this ily bestie <3 . feedback is greatly appreciated !
THE FOLLOWING CONTENT IS A TRANSCRIPT OF A THERAPIST APPOINTMENT BETWEEN DR. AHN AND YOSHIKAWA KENJI, AN ARTIST UNDER STARBORN ENTERTAINMENT. THIS APPOINTMENT TOOK PLACE ON JANUARY 10th, 2023.
DR. AHN: Hello, Kenji.
KENJI: Hi, Doctor Ahn…
DR. AHN: How are you doing today, Kenji?
KENJI:[pauses] I think I’m [pauses] I’m okay?
DR. AHN: What is ‘okay’ for you, Kenji?
KENJI:[pauses] well… I’m just doing okay. I’m still taking my meds, so I’m not doing too bad there. I spend a lot of my free time with my partner, and we’re doing great. My group is also doing better than last year. We’re, uh, pretty successful, and our pay’s been raised a little bit, so I can afford a little more for me and my partner. So yeah… I-I’m okay.
DR. AHN: But you still seem a little nervous.
[SILENCE]
DR. AHN: Kenji?
KENJI: I-I…
DR. AHN: It’s okay, Kenji, take your time. Take slow, deep breaths.
[BURSTS OF STATIC, LIKELY KENJI TAKING DEEP BREATHS]
DR. AHN: Feeling better?
KENJI:[short pause] y-yeah… thank you.
DR. AHN: Is something wrong?
KENJI: Uh, well… it’s almost my birthday.
DR. AHN: Congratulations, Kenji! How old will you be?
KENJI: I’ll be twenty-four.
DR. AHN: And your partner?
KENJI: He’ll– they’ll be twenty-two.
DR. AHN: He?
KENJI: Uh… yeah. He’ll be twenty-two.
DR. AHN: Your partner is a man?
KENJI: Yeah… he’s my boyfriend.
DR. AHN: I see.
[SILENCE]
KENJI: Is it bad?
DR. AHN: Is what bad?
KENJI: Is being gay despite what happened to me bad?
DR. AHN: … No, I don’t think so.
KENJI: It always feels bad to me sometimes. Especially because of what happened to me.
DR. AHN: Do you want to talk about what happened to you today, Kenji?
[SILENCE]
DR. AHN: Kenji?
KENJI: U-Uhm… I don’t know…
DR. AHN: It’s okay, Kenji. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.
KENJI: No, it’s okay…
DR. AHN: Are you sure?
[SILENCE, PRESUMABLY KENJI NODDING]
DR. AHN: Alright, then. Whenever you want to stop, we can stop.
KENJI:[burst of static, likely sighing] I was … hurt… by my uncle and grandparents when I was a kid. It happened when I was six.
KENJI: I think…
DR. AHN: You think?
KENJI: I can’t really remember when exactly it started or how long it happened.
KENJI: I-It’s just [pauses]
KENJI: It’s like my brain purposely doesn’t let me remember, y’know? Like [pauses]
KENJI: Like it’s blocking all the memories, and it won’t let me go back to those moments. I just remember what was going on, and I just [pauses]
KENJI: I hate how I let it happen to me.
DR. AHN: I see… [pauses, likely writing in her notebook]
DR. AHN: Have you ever had any thoughts of harming yourself due to this memory block?
KENJI: No, not at all.
KENJI: It just… it makes me confused, like I just can’t remember the specifics of what happened. I can’t remember when it started or how long it lasted — I think it was years, because I can’t remember most of my childhood. I just remember what was going on and who did it to me…
[SILENCE]
DR. AHN: Has this incident made you distrustful of other people? Did it make you less open to friendships or romantic relationships?
KENJI: Not… really? I have friends, and I have my boyfriend… they’ve been with me for most of my life, especially my best friend Kazuya. I trust them a lot.
DR. AHN: What about any new friendships?
KENJI: I don’t… I don’t think it’s affected that either? I can still make friends pretty easily…
DR. AHN: That’s good, Kenji. I’m glad you’re able to create and maintain connections with others. [pauses, likely writing in her notebook]
[SILENCE]
KENJI: … do I have to keep talking about what happened to me?
DR. AHN: No, Kenji, you don’t have to if you’re not comfortable. We’ll do this at your pace, and you can share whatever you’re comfortable with sharing today.
KENJI: … so I have to share it all at some point?
DR. AHN: I think it would be helpful for you.
[SILENCE]
DR. AHN: What are you thinking, Kenji?
KENJI: … what if I don’t want to tell the whole story? What if it’s too painful?
DR. AHN:[burst of static, likely sighing] Kenji… I know it’s difficult for you to open up about what happened. Those kinds of trauma are especially hard to talk about when it happened to you when you were a child. But talking about it in full — whenever you’re ready to — may help you heal and discover coping mechanisms that can help you recover and take the next step forward in your life.
[SILENCE]
DR. AHN: I’m not saying this to force you into talking about it today, Kenji. I’m just saying this to help you realize that this is something that can help you overcome what you went through, so you can have a happier life–
KENJI: And so I can finally stop taking meds?
DR. AHN: … is the medication not helping?
KENJI: I-I’m not saying it isn’t.
KENJI: I just… I don’t like having to take them…
DR. AHN:[pauses] I hope it helps you do so, Kenji.
KENJI:[burst of static, likely sighing] okay…
[SILENCE]
DR. AHN: Do you want to keep talking about what happened to you, or do you want to do that another day?
KENJI: … yeah, I guess.
DR. AHN: Alright, then–
KENJI: Can I go now?
KENJI: I’m sorry.
KENJI: I just…
KENJI: I don’t think I can keep going today.
DR. AHN:[pauses] Yes, that’s fine, Kenji. I’ll see you in three days, okay?
KENJI: Yeah, see you.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT.]
