Cassie - 25
Been too anxious to go out and drink with my bf, or to be seen in public even remotely intoxicated, (or even sober,) so instead we’ll be spending our weekend at home making our own drinks, watching movies and playing the Wii and I’m actually so excitedddd
Have they changed the definition of agoraphobia or am I just dumb. I thought it has always meant the fear of open spaces/leaving your home or “safe zone” but every where I’ve looked recently is saying it’s a fear of public transportation, waiting in lines and other public situations, and I guess that’s a more detailed way of putting it but it’s just strange to me
I get a little freaked out when I have too many things in common with somebody, like I’ll start lying and pretending I’ve never heard of certain things so they don’t think I’m trying to hard to connect with them like a stalker or smth
Ok so I’ve stopped smoking again and gotten my daily routine mostly back to normal, I’m cutting back on alcohol until I’m only drinking on nights out, and the last goal is to get into a calorie deficit again. Almost thereee
I think one of the happiest times of my life was the fall/early winter of 2016, I was perpetually drunk and suicidal, I would down loads of liquor and take otc sleeping pills every night and listen to asleep by the smiths every night and it felt sooooo gooooodddd and I can never getthat feeling back.
Anyways, I will be obsessively listening to my self made 7 hour long Scorpio moon playlist until I feel normal and sexy again
I can get an idea of where my mental state is really at when I find myself starting to look at my astrological birth chart again to try and find answers
I need to start journaling again. I think part of my issue rn is not having an avenue to properly process my feelings without feeling the need to defend them at the same time . Plus there’s always something going on with me that someone will judge me for and it’s annoyinggg
Plus I just get heart palpitations a LOT every period now too. It gets hard to breathe
My period has gone from occasional episodes (once every 6-10 months) of very bad cramps that dramatically affect my day, to now literally the first day of every period has me in such intense pain that it feels almost like a medical emergency and it’s affecting my ability to work !!
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