Fuck you, City of Ur!
If you’re dumb enough to buy a cartload of copper this weekend, you’re a big enough schmuck to come to Ea-Nasir’s Imported Metals!
Bad deals! Low grade copper! Thieves!
If you think you’re gonna find a bargain at Ea-Nasir’s, you can kiss my ass!
It’s our belief that you’re such a stupid motherfucker you’ll fall for this bullshit! Guaranteed!
If you find a better deal, shove it up your ugly ass! You heard us right, shove it up your ugly ass!
Bring your deposit, bring your sealed tablet, bring your messenger! We’ll send him back!
That’s right, we’ll send your messenger back through enemy territory!Because at Ea-Nasir’s, you’re fucked six ways from Sunday!
Take a hike to Ea-Nasir’s, home of challenge pissing! That’s right, challenge pissing!
How does it work? If you can piss six feet in the air straight up and not get wet, you get no down payment!
Don’t wait, don’t delay, don’t fuck with us, or we’ll turn you into a eunuch!
Only at Ea-Nasir’s, the only merchant that tells you to fuck off!
Hurry up, asshole! This event ends the minute after you make a donation to the palace, and it better not bounce or you’re a dead motherfucker!
Go to hell! Ea-Nasir’s Metals: Sumer’s filthiest, and exclusive home of the meanest sons of bitches in Mesopotamia! Guaranteed!
