ahotknife:

first of all “soft dom” is not real. you have two options in domming. they are 1) dom or 2) don’t. “soft dom” is propaganda for those afraid to fully commit to kink in a fictional environment and i’m not falling for it. so i guess if you disagree with that you’re not going to agree with any of this, and that’s fine.

i HAVE been seeing a lot of people saying that ilya personally isn’t into kink and only participates in shane’s sexual fantasies because he’s super into shane. this is incorrect. and also kinda funny. ilya is the one who starts the D/s shit. ilya is the one who guides them into that dynamic. shane loves it, sure, and has an innate preference for it, but it’s absolutely ilya’s idea, because it’s absolutely the kind of sex ilya has to have in order to get off. this is fine. there’s nothing wrong with this. there’s a great video of hudson and connor talking about the kink in their relationship, and connor says that ilya seeks control during sex because he has no control over his day to day life, which we’ve all observed. he also states that shane is so tightly wound and “domineering” (his word choice, which i Love), that being submissive gives him a chance to let some things go and let somebody else call the shots. they’re sexually compatible in this regard. i think this is great.

i think this conversation, specifically in fandom, stems from an issue that i’m often drawing attention to: people do not think kink is real. they do not think it’s actual real sex that people have. they think it’s something we made up for movies and for fanfic. well we didn’t. it’s real. and it’s out there. and also a lot of people find something unappealing about the idea of domming, and try to “soften” the concept. which is useless and not necessary. i think they’re afraid of the dominant partner being “mean”, when that’s like… literally the whole point. ilya isn’t mean to shane because he’s not a mean person. this would not occur in their day-to-day relationship. domming someone in the context of a scene is NOT being “mean”. ilya can still be your favorite character even though he has a strong preference for sexual dominance. and quite honestly i think it’s a neat aspect of his character. here’s this guy who’s so stupid in love with this other guy that he wants to spit in his mouth and make him cry. and the other guy is so in love with him that he’s gonna beg him to spit in his mouth and make him cry. don’t be ridiculous, everybody wants this, etc.

specifically in the context of shane & ilya they do play with their power dynamic a lot, which is neat. but even in the scene where shane gets on top and says “are you gonna come for me rozanov” ilya says “fucking make me” so while shane is using his sexual agency and asking for what he wants, ilya is still giving him orders and reminding him that he’s in charge because that is the kind of sex he needs to have in order to get off. this is fine. doms are not the enemy. there’s nothing inherently unkind or problematic about being a dom or preferring to dom. shane is not going to “grow out of” being submissive when he becomes more sexually experienced. ilya is not going to “stop doing” kink when shane “grows out of it” because he’s being forced to take charge of every situation due to shane’s lack of experience. he took charge on purpose. from day 1 he made sure that shane knew who was going to be calling the shots, because ilya does not want to have any other kind of sex. they are in a D/s relationship. all of their sex is going to be colored by this dynamic. period, point blank. irremovable facet of canon. ilya is still a good/kind/soft/funny person, even with this preference/desire built into him. there is nothing ugly or unsavory about this desire. he DOES like kink. he DOES want kink. he is not a “service top” or “service dom”. he is sexually dominant and prefers to top. these are facts. period. he will probably also make sure that their relationship gets even kinkier the longer they’re together and the less ashamed shane becomes.

as for the show, i really hope to god they never ever say the term “soft dom” out loud. could you imagine. and for the record: ilya is not soft domming him in the show. just cus nobody’s getting tied up or spanked or called a fucktoy doesn’t mean he’s not domming. he’s giving him direct orders. from the first time they kiss, he is the boss. he’s turning shane inside out. and shane is giving away more and more of his power every time they fuck. absolutely sensational to see. can’t wait for another six episodes of it. hope this answered your question!