bapping you with my soft wittle paws until naught but ash and dust remains
I can clearly remember the moment I first realised my mother and I were living on completely different planes of existence. I was 7 years old and I came home from my school’s first track and field day having placed second or third in every event. the teachers had been making jokes all afternoon about how many times they had to call my name. my friends thought I was cool as shit. my enemies thought I was cool as shit too, come to think of it. I was proud as hell. so I get home with the entire front of my shirt covered in ribbons like I was a military dictator who’d awarded himself every medal, I walk into the kitchen and tell my mum all about my day, and she goes “oh, that must be disappointing not getting any firsts.” and I’m like no?? first of all the first place ribbons are red and I don’t like red. second of all look at me. there’s literally nowhere left on my body for accolades. I am fucking Jacked of All Trades. how could this possibly be a disappointment.
announcer ritually chanting the horse’s name “GOD I NEED A FAVOR”
I hate when I go to copy a picture and it doesn’t paste. Do not disobey me.
A level 99 blacksmith just offered bottom surgery with mythril but idkkkk chat what kind of enchantments should I put on that thang?
bane of arthropods. i won’t disclose anything but you’ll need it for later. trust me on this one
i would really prefer a spoiler in this case
i’m the woman from pornos who uses sexual favors to settle debts with plumbers, electricians - even the masonry guy and my carpet layer! but as i’ve taken a vow of celibacy myself, i deign to never pleasure my own body. i jack off all trades, but i masturbate none!
the girl who is comfy in bed yearns to be On The Computer. The girl who is On The Computer yearns to be comfy in bed. Thus does desire become the root of all suffering
This is why phone can be carried to bed?
But then…doomscrolling.
Foolish manusya. phone in bed is not the same as On The Computer
a lot of things get on my nerves. im constantly annoyed. and i also have a deep love of humanity and the world but everything is really annoying
“i have no right to complain”. who took it from you!? i’ll defeat them…
love when people take the girl characters that nobody else in the fandom cares about and put them in yuri. a besoke handcrafted rarepair. a fine wine.
