Icon by @loverofpiggies | Header by @pizzheaderz | Ghost | Transmasc Pangender | 22 | Omni Asexual | He/They/It | OSDD-1B system | Fandom artist | Hyperfixations swing around rapidly sorryyyy | Art account is @lightishpurple
John Adams was a tireless advocate for the revolution (i.e. topping from the bottom) and he once described himself as “obnoxious, suspected, and unpopular” - “he was known for his bluntness, impatience, and tendency to be easily frustrated with those who disagreed with him.” As a brat in Congress, his personality was repulsive, but everyone listened to him and they all still wanted him. They wanted him so bad they made him president. Kind of makes you think.
His match:
Adams needs someone with a strong personality to challenge his - someone who’s not afraid to repel the mainstream in order to realize their vision. Gaga has it, and he needs it. “Bad Romance” in many way encompasses Adams’ struggles through the 1776 Continental Congress. They could teach each other much.
2) Theodore Roosevelt
A man dedicated to the preservation of natural parks and ecological wonders - and for what? To run through the trees under the full moon as his pheromones wafted through the air? We know.
His match:
Grimes once described herself as becoming “way less gay” after she became pregnant, which is 1) weird, and 2) the reason I’m sticking her with Teddy. I don’t think that he could fix her completely, but she seems the type to maintain no moral compass of her own, simply adopting the political ideology of whomever she’s with, so maybe there’s hope. Maybe Grimes could introduce Teddy to shrooms, and Teddy could take her out on trips in the forest. And then we can find out if Grimes getting a man pregnant makes her more or less gay.
3) Richard Nixon
Best known for his one legendary debate with the handsome JFK, wherein he became a stuttering, sweating mess, unable to focus or say what he meant. Interesting!
His match:
Bisexual icon Taylor Swift is also struggling to appease both sides of the political aisle. They could share their woes and their love of good ol’ fashioned Americana, and then Taylor could tie him to the wall and make him bark like a dog. The pregnancy would be difficult on both of them with Taylor’s extremely busy schedule, and Nixon would regrettably terminate it in the second trimester, causing a rift in the relationship that would never be mended. The resulting laments that Taylor composed about Nixon’s abortion would of course be dissected and attributed to a secret relationship with a woman - Nixon’s wife.
Need a NileRed video where he spends two hours making insanely potent THC oil and then puts it in the most dogshit ass boxed brownie mix, the kind with like three ingredients and four steps max, and he STILL fucks it up somehow.
NileRed is a god of chemistry who also makes the worst food anyone has ever had the displeasure of eating. You should watch his cotton candy video, it's painful.
He's like "why isn't it working??" and I'm like my dude cooking is not chemistry you do need to be able to improvise because food varies so much!!!! When they put 12 minutes in the instructions they assumed you could USE YOUR NOSE AND EYES to determine when it was BURNING like??? How are you alive??????
You're the second person to suggest him so this is officially peer reviewed and thus very true trust me I know science about as well as NileRed knows cooking.
I recall at least one of you guys having worked with livestock animals. Why are cows so damn indestructible while horses keel over and die if mercury is in retrograde or a dog barked in Kazakhstan?
Let me tell you a story about how livestock animals work.
In the beginning, God created the horse. God looked at the horse and saw that it was beautiful and strong. “However,” God said, “it breaks too easily.”
Then God created the cow. God looked at the cow and saw that it was more durable than the horse, and tasted good to boot. “However,” God said, “it poops too much.”
Then God created the goat. God looked at the goat and saw that it was perfect.
God looked around and saw that he still had some spare bits of fluff on his work table, but no brains to put into it. So then God created the sheep.
Now let me tell you what my equine surgery professor said on the first day of class.
“Horses are only interested in two things: homicide, and suicide.”
My entirely half-assed understanding of Why Horses Explode If You Look At Them Funny, As Explained To Me By My Aunt That Raises Horses After Her Third Glass Of Wine:
Horses don’t got enough toes.
So, back right after the dinosaurs fucked off and joined the choir invisible, the first ancestors of horses were scampering about, little capybara-looking things called Eohippus, and they had four toes per limb:
They functioned pretty well, as near as we can tell from the fossil record, but they were mostly messing around in the leaf litter of dense forests, where one does not necessarily need to be fast but one should be nimble, and the 4 toes per limb worked out pretty good.
But the descendants of Eophippus moved out of the forest where there was lots of cover and onto the open plains, where there was better forage and visibility, but nowhere to hide, so the proto-horses that could ZOOM the fastest and out run thier predators (or, at least, their other herd members) tended to do well. Here’s the thing- having lots of toes means your foot touches the ground longer when you run, and it spreads a lot of your momentum to the sides. Great if you want to pivot and dodge, terrible if you want to ZOOM. So losing toes started being a major advantage for proto-horses:
The Problem with having fewer toes and running Really Fucking Fast is that it kind of fucks your everything else up.
When a horse runs at full gallop, it sort of... stops actively breathing, letting the slosh of it’s guts move its lungs, which is tremendously calorically efficient and means their breathing doesn’t fall out of sync. But it also means that the abdominal lining of a horse is weirdly flexible in ways that lead to way more hernias and intestinal tangling than other ungulates. It also has a relatively weak diaphragm for something it’s size, so ANY kind of respiratory infection is a Major Fucking Problem because the horse has weak lungs.
When a Horse runs Real Fucking Fast, it also develops a bit of a fluid dynamics problem- most mammals have the blood going out of thier heart real fast and coming back from the far reaches of the toes much slower and it’s structure reflects that. But since there is Only The One Toe, horse blood comes flying back up the veins toward the heart way the fuck faster than veins are meant to handle, which means horses had to evolve special veins that constrict to slow the Blood Down, which you will recognize as a Major Cardiovascular Disease in most mammals. This Poorly-regulated blood speed problems means horses are prone to heart problems, burst veins, embolisms, and hemophilia. Also they have apparently a billion blood types and I’m not sure how that’s related but I am sure that’s another Hot Mess they have to deal with.
ALSO, the Blood-Going-Too-Fast issue and being Just Huge Motherfuckers means horses have trouble distributing oxygen properly, and have compensated by creating fucked up bones that replicate the way birds store air in thier bones but much, much shittier. So if a horse breaks it’s leg, not only is it suffering a Major Structural Issue (also also- breaking a toe is much more serious when that toe is YOUR WHOLE DAMN FOOT AND HALF YOUR LEG), it’s also hving a hemmorhage and might be sort of suffocating a little.
ALSO ALSO, the fast that horses had to deal with Extremely Fast Predators for most of thier evolution means that they are now afflicted with evolutionarily-adaptive Anxiety, which is not great for thier already barely-functioning hearts, and makes them, frankly, fucking mental. Part of the reason horses are so aggro is that if deinied the opportunity to ZOOM, it’s options left are “Kill everyone and Then Yourself” or “The same but skip step one and Just Fucking Die”. The other reason is that a horse is in a race against itself- it’s gotta breed before it falls apart, so a Horse basically has a permanent terrorboner.
TL;DR: Horses don’t have enough toes and that makes them very, very fast, but also sickly, structurally unsound, have wildly OP blood that sometimes kills them, and drives them fucking insane.
[image ID: the first image is a colored drawing of 2 identical anthropomorphized rabbits, both Nin, talking to someone off screen. the second image is Naarah, a smiling little blue ghost. end ID]
Nin
she bnuuy :} she can clone herself and sneaks around in the shadows! member of an evil cult but in her defense she doesnt know its evil. i think. girlie is like a foot tall <3
Naarah
GOD. Okay so she's like 13, yeah? And she's a witch. BUT. She lives in the 1600s. So when she's caught she's executed by cucking stool (I'm not even joking. It's called the cucking stool). AND ALSO. HER DAD IS ON THE COUNCIL THAT PUTS HER TO DEATH. AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO. BUT HE WAS FORCED TO SIGN OFF ON IT. So then she's dead, cause y'know she was drowned. And then she's in purgatory. And her mentor shows up (cause she was executed at the same time). AND THEN HER DAD SHOWS UP. And a WHILE later, HER _MOM_ SHOWS UP. HER MOM IS THE ONE WHO SOLD HER OUT AND GOT HER EXECUTED. But some part of her still loves her mom. Until later WHEN WE GET TO HEAR HER FULL LAST CONVERSATION. WHEN HER MOM GETS MAD AT HER LITERALLY SECONDS BEFORE HER EXECUTION. And she's like "You have no idea what I had to go through to get you" AND YOU KNOW WHAT SJE DID??? STOLE HER. SHE STOLE A FUCKING BABY. SHE STOLE NAARAH FROM HER TRIBE. And Naarah is like "You never really cared about me it was always about you" AND WHEN I SAW THIS SCENE I STARTED SOBBING I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS HURT ME SO BAD. I feel so bad for her she's just a child who is a also a ghost and a cephalopod
OH BOY HOWDY I THOUGHT I HAD ANOTHER DAY OR FEW BUT NOPE ALRIGHT IT’S GO TIME! Hi-lo I’m the person that submitted Naarah and I’m here to tell you why this child deserves love. First off tho, this propaganda talks about child death, emotional abuse, animal death, just general death, executions, use of an Indigenous creature that really shouldn’t have been used, and the kidnapping of an Indigenous child to be raised by a white family
So first off, yeah, she’s 13 when she dies. The events leading up to it are long and twisty so I’ll just kinda talk about her dynamics and general life
She finds a woman named Elon at a campsite, who immediately tries to kill her but eventually relents and lets her hang around (Elon considers this a funny story, Naarah does not). Elon is a witch (with a whole bag of her own trauma but I didn’t submit her so she’s not here and her stuff isn’t important). And Naarah is interested in what she’s doing. So Elon starts reaching her witchcraft. And the two become friends, with Naarah viewing Elon as her big sister! It’s very cute! But then Elon gets Naarah to do a ritual with her and,,, stuff gets ROUGH here.
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So uh, TW for animal death:
For the ritual, something needs to be sacrificed. And um. Naarah has a pet dog. You can probably piece together what this conversation is about
So yeah, Naarah kills her dog, Azule, but something goes wrong… And instead of whatever Elon was _trying_ to do, she instead summons a creature that has a name I’m not going to use outside of any image descriptions I’ll be writing for this!
A-ny-way, obviously that sucks. But you know what else sucks? Bethany Phillips. Bethany is Naarah’s mom, who stole her from her tribe when she was a newborn cause she thought she was failing her husband, Gideon, by either being infertile or having a lot of trouble conceiving, it’s not 100% clear which but it’s likely that she was infertile, with this scene being a mimic of her giving Naarah to Gideon:
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The symbol formed is apparently a symbol used in some tribes meaning Woman but I can’t find a specific tribe or group of tribes that used it? The closest I can find is one source saying that it was used by Great Plains Indians but I can’t find a citation for this. I see the symbol on multiple sites tho, being used for woman, mother, sister, essentially just used to represent a woman in any context
But also Beth uh. Kinda sucks??? Here’s just. Naarah’s Relationship section with Beth:
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And Beth’s section on Naarah:
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Just… Real healthy mom-daughter dynamic going on here /s
But uh yeah Beth saw Naarah kill Azule and then sold her out??? At least she presumably did. This scene is meant to be some form of recreation of that moment, tho with some added lines by the thing I’m not naming except for the image description:
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And then after Naarah got home, presumably not knowing Beth saw her, Beth says… This:
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It’s likely that the white text where the things Beth _said_ while the red text were the things Beth _thought_. There’s also just,,, this assorted stuff, something about how often she says Naarah is “like” family to her instead of actually considering her to be family rubs me the wrong way, sorry there’s so much about Beth in this I promise I’ll get to the rest of Naarah’s everything in a sec:
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(Naarah saying “Dad isn’t home right now” is so funny to me Gideon is literally sitting in the room behind her I don’t know why this made me laugh so much it’s not a funny scene)
Also, um,,, this a recreation of Naarah’s last words. Her last words were an argument with her mother:
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I do want to note, however, that she does care for Beth to some degree, with this exchange happening after Elon captures her:
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So yeah, Naarah’s relationship with her mom is. Uh. A lot. But what about Gideon, her dad? Well… the dynamic the two have is presented fairly consistently as a teenager bickering with a man she considers to be, for lack of a better word, a boomer. We have exactly one concrete canon confirmation that Gideon is Naarah’s dad, which is this line from the first episode:
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(The quotes there around Dad are probably the wiki marking emphasis, as Naarah puts a lot of emphasis on the word)
Plus with how Beth acts around Gideon is nearly confirmed that those three are a family. Naarah and Gideon do have a few more friendly scenes throughout the series! While she makes fun of him for being boring or redundant, she’s also shown playing with him after she’s changed into a cephalopod and he’s changed into a log, picking him up and flying around excitedly. She does also threaten to curse him a lot tho?? Their dynamic as a family isn’t shown as often, possibly because Gideon wasn’t immediately directly responsible for her execution, rather he was as part of The Council WHICH WE WILL GET TO.
So the last major character that Naarah has a dynamic with is Elon. Like I said, Naarah treats her like an older sister and Elon seems receptive to that role (once she stopped trying to kill her lmaooo). Naarah gives her this drawing at one point that shows how much they care about each other :)
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Elon also comforts Naarah when their world is about to end:
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There is also a banger song during this scene btw everyone go listen to This Is (not) The End by Exit Mouse ft. Caleb Hyles please it’s so good
And remember when Elon captured Beth? Back up there? Yeah well, she does later realize that she hurt Naarah after the creature _insults Naarah for fucking up the ritual_ (this is also the only time profanity is used in the entire series):
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War and hate on planet earth this scene will always make me cry. This episode, which is the last in the series, always breaks me you do NOT understand
Last group! The Council. They’re the reason Naarah (and Elon) are executed. Their role is very loosely defined by Gideon at one point (warning for the G-slur against Romani people):
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Gideon was part of The Council, as shown through the audience being asked how many were on it to prove they’re Gideon:
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Like Beth says above, he didn’t _want_ to put Naarah to death, but as a judge in the 1600s, he probably was given literally zero choice. Either put your daughter to death and prove you aren’t allied with witches, or refuse and risk your whole family being executed for either protecting or being a witch
Naarah was doomed from the very beginning. Stolen from her tribe as a newborn, raised by a family (or mother?) who tried to force her into a rigid definition of a daughter, and damned the second she met Elon. She had a bad life and a worse afterlife, even if she had peace for some time. She eventually fuses with Elon, along with Gideon, giving Elon power over their little world. But even then, this isn’t an ending for her. The episode ends with the words, “When one door closes another one opens. Elon’s story is over but the CatGhost story continues,” followed by a link to the CatGhost website. This seems to promise a new story for Naarah in the future, one that gives her an ending. Three doors are shown, a blue one, a red one, and a green one. Elon is presumably red, with that door being shown several times throughout the series, plus she has red hair and died by burning at the stake. Naarah… Naarah is the blue door. She has blue hair and was drowned (that’s what a cucking stool is). That’s her door. If you were to go to the CatGhost website today, you would see pixel art of what appears to be a door in a hall. This has been here for a chunk of time. Someday, I’m hoping we’ll see that door swing open. And we’ll see Naarah get the happy ending she deserves
Here’s some pictures of her in her Purgatory forms and human form to end off the rant :)
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Naarah means a lot to me and I think she deserves to make it past at least the first round. Sorry this got so long and is probably really rambley, I’ve been doing this for around 5 hours now and I think I forgot what I was saying about 20 different times at least
So fun fact that won't surprise anyone who knows me: I've done this. My job had a inclusivity survey that pissed me off (they included "transgender" and "cis gender" as possible responses for "what's your gender?", alongside "male" and "female"!) but I noticed they didn't put a length limit on the gender field if you selected "other". So...
They didn't accept binary files (which is fine, my gender isn't binary) so I had to base64 encode doom, but even though it froze chrome for nearly 8 hours, I was able to paste a full copy of the Doom install disks into the form.
as a side project while waiting on chrome to unfreeze, I developed a way to encode Doom into PNG files that could safely be posted on Twitter without them being corrupted into JPEGs, as Twitter loves to do.
Anyway, the thread is here, but really all you need is this one screenshot.
It’s wild for me cause my tinnitus sometimes sounds like sirens, so I keep thinking it’s my hearing wigging out but nope, shit is literally on fire yo.
Y’all if any of you have friends and family down at the riots in Minneapolis right now, get hold of them and tell them to run. I dunno what the fuck is going past my house right now but it is not good.
cthulhupeelz
I’m a half hour away from the twin cities and I’ve been watching Unicorn Riot covering everything, while keeping a police scanner on in the background.
It’s constant noise on said scanner right now.
They’re focusing their main efforts on trying to contain the shenanigans on University Ave.
There was a group of white, ARMED WITH AR-15’s that had just left Motel 6 in Roseville and are heading to one of the Precint fires.™️
Speaking of which, there’s an unconfirmed rumor that a gas line to the 3rd precint has been cut, and could explode at any time.