a new trend

children are so fucking funny man. i just overheard a kid go “i just learned a new way to pinch, wanna see it? it hurts a lot more!” followed by a loud, notably pained scream

I can clearly remember the moment I first realised my mother and I were living on completely different planes of existence. I was 7 years old and I came home from my school's first track and field day having placed second or third in every event. the teachers had been making jokes all afternoon about how many times they had to call my name. my friends thought I was cool as shit. my enemies thought I was cool as shit too, come to think of it. I was proud as hell. so I get home with the entire front of my shirt covered in ribbons like I was a military dictator who'd awarded himself every medal, I walk into the kitchen and tell my mum all about my day, and she goes "oh, that must be disappointing not getting any firsts." and I'm like no?? first of all the first place ribbons are red and I don't like red. second of all look at me. there's literally nowhere left on my body for accolades. I am fucking Jacked of All Trades. how could this possibly be a disappointment.

he had to jump in the ballpit to cool off after getting all airplane ears over a treat puzzle that proved a little too advanced

She literally does not give a damn what that old fool is yelling about

"I've never met a picky eater of color" very much does feel like a pretty benign example of "people of color are cool, white people we uncool" type of racism because I think every culture has their own version of "chicken strips and fries" it's just that people aren't going to clock "curry and rice" or "miso buttle noodles" as being "safe foods" because their "ethnic". whatever that means.

I was born in the exact right generation I love being an unmarried woman in my twenties with my own bank account and no children

It's so funny that Misa is famous. Imagine that you're a normal ass cop and you get put on a special task force to catch a mass murderer. And you meet with the expert detective in charge. And he tells you your top 2 suspects are a random teenager and like. Ariana grande

Bro I've never read anything better of characterxreader than on Tumblr, like bro bless your soul, I love you guys so much. Thank you for making me such a happy woman. Like thank you, especially the jjk ones like thank you

The worst part of those stepparent forums is that they refuse to admit that being a stepchild sucks. Not because you want your mommy and daddy to get back together soooo bad or because you’re jealous that you’re not daddy’s only baby in the world anymore. It sucks because you are a child with absolutely zero agency. It sucks because you have no say on who your parents choose to bring into your life and you can’t do anything about it if that person hates you, mistreats you, has beef with you, a literal child. It sucks because you can’t even choose where you lay your head at night, you are bound by court order to go stay in a house you know you are not welcome in. It sucks because adults often take their hatred of another adult out on you and there is nothing you can do about it. Being a child sucks in a lot of ways, beyond the childlike wonder and the lack of financial responsibilities. It really does suck to be dependent on the adults in your lives and have them fail you. Being icy to your dad’s girlfriend of the month is sometimes the only way you can exert your power and hopefully warn her to get away, even if you can’t.

scrolling tumblr while in line at the food truck.. yeppp, that's a big oiled up cosplayer ass. angles my phone better so the guy behind me can see too. #guybehindme