+ which body part would you get it tattooed on

(in the most convenient means of transport for that distance)

Spin the wheel. This is now your highest stat.

mint chocolate chip for the win. "oh it tastes like toothpaste" listen to me you're either using weird toothpaste or eating weird brands of mint chocolate chip ice cream because no the fuck it doesn't

REVOLUTION!!

SOS SOS ROBESPIERRE HAS TAKEN OVER THE BUILDING

So we probably should’ve been a bit more worried about that weird guy with a sword at the last DashCon 2. For those unaware, Robespierre crashed the 2025 convention in an attempt to overthrow the monarchy and slay the Ballpit Queen. The newly knighted Sir Strange of Æons valiantly vanquished the interloper, but apparently her sword (Simone’s Dad’s Claymore, a.k.a. the Muppetslayer) only works on Muppets—Robespierre is back! His band of revolutionaries have now seized the bouncy castle. The clowns really don’t like how he’s chosen to redecorate.

While Sir Strange and the Ballpit Queen have successfully escaped Robespierre’s wrath, the future of the monarchy is uncertain. Robespierre has sworn revenge and is calling for Sir Strange’s execution on two charges of DashCon-spiracy, meanwhile, Strange has charged Robespierre with treachery and also being French.

As the only convention in southern Ontario with a guillotine permit, this puts us in a difficult position. The Muppet Joker’s tragic demise had an equally tragic effect on our insurance premiums, and we simply cannot afford more senseless bloodshed. Thankfully, laws often get overlooked in times of Revolution, and we’ve discovered that we’re allowed to commit crime if it’s a public service, as agreed upon by a democratic electorate. (You!)

As such, we’ve negotiated a tentative agreement between the two parties.

ALT

The Eight Tenets of the Royal-Revolutionary “Put The Sword Down” Agreement:

1. The 2026 convention’s theme of “Galaxy” has been toppled, overthrown by the revolutionaries and replaced with “Revolution!” (Galaxy is permitted to be used in a later year.)
2. The convention shall henceforth be referred to as DashCon 2: Vive La Révolution! as its official title.
3. The Ball Pit Queen shall not be executed (for now), but will have no legal power, instead being used as a figurehead in case an event needs a little pizzazz.
4. To appease our insurance overlords, the People (attendees of the convention) will be authorized to vote on who to kill. Each person will have only one vote, so cast it wisely—or don’t. We’re not cops.
5. For accessibility of voting, VirtualDash attendees will also be able to vote on who to kill.
6. The People shall choose between executing either Sir Strange, Lord of Æons, Wielder of the Muppetslayer and Honourable First Knight of the Realm… or Robespierre himself. Interesting.
7. He who is chosen to die will be executed via guillotine live on stage. (Robespierre was insistent.)
8. The severed head of the executed will be auctioned off for charity via raffle :)

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Vive la Révolution?

This message has been approved by Robespierre and his Band of Revolutionaries.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Sir Strange……………………………….Strange Æons. YouTuber and Tumblr historian.
Robespierre……………………………..Xiran Jay Zhao. YouTuber and bestselling author of Iron Widow.
The Ball Pit Queen…………….….Lochlan O’Neil. Raccoon biologist and founder of the original DashCon.