crochet blanket ghost (Posts tagged personal)

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

I can’t really hide what I feel because my face is incredibly expressive, and I always thought it was because I’m autistic and shit, but I just realized my parents literally do not fucking mention it when I’m lying in bed all day, scrolling despondently on my phone. Like the most I get is a “this is because of your omega 3/vitamin d/iron/vitamin c/… deficiency”. Which I don’t even fucking have.

And then they stuff me with supplements or take me to a lady with lots of christals and candles so she can smack a tuning fork against my forehead and pretend I’m cured or some shit. Like yeah maybe I’m really bad at masking, or maybe I am just not used to people appropriately trying to make me feel better and am surprised when they ask why I’m sad and what they can do to help.

personal it's officially depression posting time for the foreseeable future it's back I can deny it no longer the evidence is blood fucking red depression

Okay so first I lay awake for over two and a half hours, then, when I finally do fall asleep, I wake up again only two hours and 45 minutes later?? Body! I’m trying to be a responsible adult over here!

this place sucks okay so it might be school stress it might be family stress it might also just be mental health related stress honestly what I'm getting from this is really just that I am too fucking stressed anyway guess I'll crochet for an hour or two lying down in bed and get back to studying? I mean I already tried falling back asleep and literally nothing happened as per usual might as well trick my body into thinking he is rested cause I'm lying down and not doing much personal

Oh great. Great. Fantastic, yeah. Just what I needed today.

So my brother threw up in the fucking bathtub.

my dude. THE TOILET IS ABOUT A METER THAT WAY it's even the closer thing when you get into the bathroom! how does one fuck up so badly?? Jesus Christ is this my thirteenth reason? bitch it might be kidding urgh I'll just. go outside for a bit and hope it'll sort itself out. I God this is fucking disgusting like yeah of course this is the first thing I see this morning after the fucking horrendous night I had yeah of course why not fuck everything personal
mossy-thing
mossy-thing

I hate fireworks

mossy-thing

Anyway there is a list of stuff I do on New Year’s EveTM and it goes as follows:

Hide in my room for the entire day in denial of everything and also time progressing (check)

Come out to eat Berliners my mum calls pancakes which upsets me greatly (check)

Come out a second time to watch Dinner for One with my mum, my dad sitting on the couch as well but not watching and my brother still hiding in his room and yelling at me to get lost from behind the door when I invite him down as well (check, check, check)

Have a toast with my family.

Get dressed, put in head phones and my noise cancellers on top, blast music so my ears don’t die and marvel at the pretty lights up ahead.

Curl up in bed with a horrible noise induced headache and read fanfiction into the early hours, wishing I was dead.

As you can see, only the first half of traditions has been fulfilled yet, which means a world of wonders awaits! *Gritting my teeth* this is a great holiday I love it.

personal new year

So this Christmas started to go odd when my family was trying to choose seasonally appropriate music. For context, we are German. Also, my father has gone down weird rabbit holes the past few years and I get more anti authoritarian in the left way with every passing day while he gets more anti authoritarian in the right way. So, this is why

Me, staring in horror at the TV screen my dad has pulled a yt video for Christmas ambience ™ up on: Oh no. Fuck no.

My dad, already annoyed: What? What’s wrong with this one??

Me, trying to discreetly nudge him in the right direction: I just think the placement of the flag here is a bit… Odd.

My dad: What’s wrong with our flag? Do you have something against being German? Against our CULTURE?

Me, staring at the video, where an obviously ai generated vaguely vikingy couple with pale skin and blonde hair is embracing in front of a gigantic German flag, staring me dead in the soul with their icy blue eyes while the title of the video awkwardly (with spelling mistakes) says something about forgotten German tunes and Celtic ambience, the music itself being an obviously ai-butchered version of silent night: This doesn’t raise any alarm bells for you? None at all??

like even if we completely ignore that barely anything in that video had to do with anything approaching what I would call German culture and even if we steer clear of the whole AI thing even then the dog whistle couldn't possibly get any more COMPLETELY NORMALLY AUDIBLE WHISTLE HUMAN BEINGS CAN HEAR fucks sake personal Christmas would it even be Christmas without the concerning Nazi propaganda?
image

Recap of my morning yesterday.

Translation:

Me: Oh, that one socialist won the vote for mayor in New York.

Blue roommate: …huh?…

Egg roommate: oh… cool…

yes this is a more or less accurate drawing of our room we live in a fucking shoebox I love it a lot that was our first interaction at all also thanks to egg roommate (who is more commonly known here as Best Friend) for editing this one I mean our first interaction that morning not in general my art dorms personal zohran mamdani I guess? it's sort of about him cartoon