Both Ways (Single)

by Nicolas Rixon

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1.
Both Ways 04:44
I never met you, ambiguity Always knew just how I felt And now I know I'm feeling both ways Was it a premonition, that dream? And does it matter? What I know is time is running out For you, for me, for everyone And I have nothing to show Searching for something I want to believe Searching for someone no longer with me Searching for something impossible All in the past now (But still, I'm trying) I was afraid I would never get old Now I'm afraid I will never be young With or without having something to show at the end; Will I even care? And that's the problem, right there Cutting corners Adding less and less to every day My final spark against the water While there is power in silence I have never been able to keep my secrets safe From you, from me, from everyone Until nothing remains Searching for something I want to believe Searching for someone no longer with me Searching for something impossible All in the past now (But still, I'm trying) I was afraid I would never get old Now I'm afraid I will never be young With or without having something to show at the end; Will I even care? Do I need something that I no longer want? (I think I remember, remember a seed) Do I want something that I no longer need? (Wrapped up in my pocket) Searching for something I want to believe Searching for someone no longer with me Searching for something impossible All in the past now (But still, I'm trying) I was afraid I would never get old Now I'm afraid I will never be young With or without having something to show at the end; Will I even care?
2.
The first time I tried Whispering my mind You were very kind But years down the line And we come to find We're both so tired Tell me what we're living for Tell me what we're living for In this town In this town Tell me what we're living for What are we living for? But I'm fine It's just my heart's on the line But I'm fine I'll take it in my stride When my heart's on the line The second time we tried As if the world was a child All new Because a long time ago I stopped being me And you stopped being you So tell me what we're living for Tell me what we're living for In this town In this town Tell me what we're living for What are we living for? But I'm fine It's just my heart's on the line But I'm fine I'll take it in my stride When my heart's on the line I'm not ready for the great reset just yet Ain't got no fuel inside Any move I make will be in self-defence 'Cause I prefer to hide After her story After her glory Another good woman down After the thunder After the rain Another good woman down But I'm fine It's just my heart's on the line But I'm fine I'll take it in my stride When my heart's on the line
3.
I never met you, ambiguity Always knew just how I felt And now I know I'm feeling both ways Was it a premonition, that dream? And does it matter? What I know is time is running out For you, for me, for everyone And I have nothing to show Searching for something I want to believe Searching for someone no longer with me Searching for something impossible All in the past now (But still, I'm trying) I was afraid I would never get old Now I'm afraid I will never be young With or without having something to show at the end; Will I even care? And that's the problem, right there Cutting corners Adding less and less to every day My final spark against the water While there is power in silence I have never been able to keep my secrets safe From you, from me, from everyone Until nothing remains Searching for something I want to believe Searching for someone no longer with me Searching for something impossible All in the past now (But still, I'm trying) I was afraid I would never get old Now I'm afraid I will never be young With or without having something to show at the end; Will I even care? Do I need something that I no longer want? (I think I remember, remember a seed) Do I want something that I no longer need? (Wrapped up in my pocket) Searching for something I want to believe Searching for someone no longer with me Searching for something impossible All in the past now (But still, I'm trying) I was afraid I would never get old Now I'm afraid I will never be young With or without having something to show at the end; Will I even care?

about

What do you do when the thing you’re searching for no longer exists? Both Ways dives into memory, loss, and longing for something forever out of reach, capturing the tension of holding two truths at once — love and betrayal, anger and grief, meaning and futility.

Co-produced with Matt Catlow, the track leans into authentic 80s synth-pop inspired by Limahl, Moroder, and classic fantasy soundscapes.

credits

released August 29, 2025

Lyrics by Nicolas Rixon
Produced by Nicolas Rixon & Matt Catlow
Mixed and Mastered by Matt Catlow

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Nicolas Rixon London, UK

Synth-Pop Pariah

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