It’s frustrating when your body can’t handle the amount of activity you want or need to do- and I’m not talking about exercise, I’m talking about activities as in the things you do everyday: showering, hobbies, work school, chores, hanging out with friends, watching tv, etc. Now just imagine not being able to do all of those things, even if you absolutely need to, imagine having to pick and choose every single day what you can do, and what is worth pushing past your symptoms for. Will I shower or do the dishes today? Cook dinner or do a hobby I haven’t been able to get to in a week? Rest or ignore the symptoms knowing I will feel worse later if I do so? It may seem like a silly, inconvenient, even stupid way of doing things to you, but to me this is my everyday life, if I do not make these wagers I will suffer for it, and oftentimes I will still suffer for it despite these sacrifices and my best efforts.
Kinda wild how most people generally recognize that the "too sick to go to school, too sick to watch tv/play games" mindset our parents had was bullshit but still impose essentially the exact same rules on disabled adults and scrutinize them for enjoying low-energy hobbies while being too fatigued or in pain to work a full time job (or any job at all)
and btw, sometimes i actually AM too sick to even do low-energy hobbies! oftentimes i can’t even focus enough to play games or watch shows! i can’t think clearly enough to work on my OCs and worldbuilding! i can’t look at my ipad long enough to draw anything, even when i have a million ideas! i can’t water my low maintenance plants which i love dearly because my body hurts!
on the occasion i actually CAN do things i enjoy, if someone gives me shit about it i get so fucking upset. “oh you must not be that sick if you’re able to do these” like fuck you, do you know how much of the time i actually AM too sick to do them? and people who are able to more consistently do things they like are still sick! they’re fucking LOW ENERGY hobbies, and everyone’s energy and capabilities are different! literally how difficult is this to understand????
it’s almost like disabilities and chronic illnesses affect everyone differently because there is no universal experience for anything!!!! /s
I really wish butchhood wasn't conflated with being a protector so much, honestly.
I'm a very vulnerable butch. I'm chronically ill, invisibly physically disabled, and have a lot of mental health issues. My masculinity doesn't inherently make me more strong or powerful.
But there's a huge amount of butch culture built on butches being protective of femmes, or just being strong and working in very physically laborious jobs. It feels disheartening to be locked out of a major part of my culture, just because I'm disabled.
So here's to all the disabled butches who want, or are expected to, be strong because toxic masculinity has taught us the mascs are the protectors, but we can't be.
We're the ones who need people to slow down for us. We're the ones who need to sit down and catch our breath after walking a bit. We're the ones who need help. And that doesn't make us any less butch.
I'm a trans man and I am chronically ill, we often laugh with my partner about how I'm his "sick Victorian child" because of how often I can get ill, bedbound, just because of a change in temperature.
And before I met them, every partner I had who were more fem-aligned always expected of me to be the Strong One, to protect them. Heck, not even a month after I came out as a trans man and shaved my head (I didn't really pass then I was pre-everything), my best friend used me as a "shield" and introduced me as her "boyfriend" to a dude who was harassing her. And while I was all in to help her, it was as dangerous for me as it was for her to say "oh here's my boyfriend !" when I passed as a butch woman, at best.
I really need people to stop pushing the protector/strong role onto men and masc people. I remember when I hang out in radfem spaces how often I would hear "butches and men should be put in the first line because if they are going to be masc, they might as well make themselves useful by protecting us" and like... What ? Butches, mascs, men deserve softness, tenderness, deserve to be protected, NEED to be protected to. Masculinity isn't about being strong, it's about being masculine ffs.
It's not about your gender or how you present. I've known some fems who were in a way better position to defend themselves than some mascs were. Don't fall into another binary.
It astounds me that there's some who think that mascs that look like women are inherently more safe being on the offensive than fems. That goes for all butches and transmascs.
The story of Stone Butch Blues goes into so much detail on the levels of sexual harassment and rape that butches go through, but these same people who think that somehow mascs are inherently the ones who're protectors will sling around Leslie's name to feign allyship with their transmasc/butch siblings.
Hell, even passing mascs (including butches who pass as men and transmascs/men) are still in danger inherently when put on the "front line", because passing is almost never absolute and always at risk of being snuffed out, should someone (for example) recognize them and shout their fem/deadname.
And then there's the blatant ignoring of our disabled status whenever it's most convenient to them, which is just straight up ableism.
Mascs aren't your meat shield. We're human too. And you're only reinforcing gender norms by saying we need to be strong.
i feel like i haven’t really seen people talk about this so i’m grateful for coming across this post on my dash. i’m transmasc and am both physically and mentally disabled, and i’m very grateful my partner is so understanding of my disabilities AND gender identity. that said however, i do constantly live with the guilt of wanting to be her protector, but i know my disabilities… well, largely disable me from doing that. i wish more people acknowledged how this feels or the fact that this issue even exists :(
