it’s always a sexy time for wine and disgusting fanfiction that will sicken puritans
you will not guess where this ao3 summary is going
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Writing Portion #1
Lydia could feel her flesh burning and almost flaking off, like a throat set aflame gulping her down. Yet, she couldn’t scream. Her breath was too hard to catch, her chest being pounded on with a million breaks. Something felt like it was being forced up her throat from her stomach, like something red hot. Fire was both burning her flesh and her insides, but nothing could set it out. The only thing that was cold was her mind, but she knew it was because it was shutting off. Soon, she knew, that she would only be a corpse lying on the ground. Before this, she had imagined her face and name being flashed to large audience, reporters asking what had happened to her. Then, it seemed much more romantic. Now, it seemed like the worst fate imaginable.
I love when fanfic authors are freakishly unhinged. "Yes, hello, I am here to write a heart wrenching story about relationships and mortality. My medium is Ducktales (2017)"
PSA
I have a writing blog now called @astrohufflepuff-creates !!
Your middle aged Aunts lead the first online charge for yaoi and your great Aunts lead the first conventions for fandoms and wrote yaoi fanfiction on paper. (It just wasn’t called that at the time)
Sometimes they didn’t even show anyone. Sometimes they showed a few fellow fans.
You simply live now, following in their footsteps path they laid.
On a related note, passed my way by a friend:
the other day i started writing an office romance but i quickly remembered that i have no idea what working in an office is like
as opposed to your vast personal expertise in romance?
So, because I am a bored student who often has nothing to do in her classes, I might start writing crack oneshots on @sterileflcwer just to pass the time. Live in fear, y’all.
I still think that my favorite urban legend/folklore fact is that there are certain areas in New Orleans where you cannot get a taxi late at night not because it isn’t safe, but because taxi companies have had recurring problems of picking up ghosts in those areas who are not aware that they are dead and disappearing from the cab before reaching the destination and therefore stiffing the driver on the fare causing a loss for the company.
An occupational hazard of cab driving I had not previously considered
I love that the nola problem here is not “ghosts in my taxi cab,” but “ghosts are FUCKING BROKE DEAD BASTARDS & I GOT BILLS”
Horror is when ghosts get into cabs and scare drivers
Magical realism is when cab companies have to develop policies to prevent ghastly fare-theft
In a book about the tsunami in Japan in 2011, the writer talked about how there was a huge increase in reports of ghostly activity. Apparently in Japan treating ghosts rudely is basically considered the stupidest thing you could possibly do. For months after the tsunami, taxi drivers would pick up a passenger only to have them give an address in one of the devastated areas. The cab driver often looked up halfway to the destination to find their fare had disappeared. Not wanting to be impolite to the person (even if they were dead) they’d drive to the address, open the door to let them out, then drive away.
What your favorite great comet/war and peace character says about you
- Pierre Bezukhov: awkward and nerdy emo kid from 2006. Probably had a napoleon phase (or a french rev phase at least).
- Anatole Kuragin: Probably has a crush on Lucas Steele
- Sonya Rostova, Marya Bolkonsky: A kind and beautiful baby
- Nikolai Rostov: Gay and loves to complain
- Hélène Kuragina Bezukhova: Uses terms like "slay" and "queen" a lot probably
- Andrei Bolkonsky: Has read War and Peace and cries a lot
- Natasha Rostova: You're lovable but also probably a complete mess
- Fedya Dolokhov: You are a very dedicated shipper probably are most attached to the musical (over the miniseries or book)
- Boris Drubetskoy: a) You're Anna Mikhailovna or b) crush on Aneurin Barnard
- Vaska Denisov: You probably have a very pure heart and are a rare wonderful person however no one knows because you're too busy on your 45th reread of war and peace.
- Napoleon Bonaparte: You're Count Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy. Sir if you just wanted to write one long Napoleon fanfiction why didn't you?
- Marya Dmitrievna Akhrosimova: You're a docile nerd who dreams of being or being around a Dragon Lady like Marya. You love her as much as you fear her.
- Ippolit Kuragin, Balaga: You're fucking weird.
- Anna Pavlovna: Wine mom
- Prince Bolkonsky, Prince Vassily: I don't believe you're real I think you're just curious what this says about someone.
War and Peace Characters As The Weirdest Things They've Done
- (Before page 600)
- Sonya Rostova: Cries because she's worried she won't be able to marry her cousin
- Pierre Bezukhov: Meets a Freemason and then a few hours (??) later gives the freemasons all of the clothes he's wearing and his wedding ring to join the freemasons.
- Natasha Rostova: Forgets her fiancé because a random dude said she was charming and then ignores the opera she's seeing to listen to every word he says
- Anatole Kuragin: Has a live bear in his living room.
- Fedya Dolokhov: Drinks a bottle of rum with his legs hanging out of a third story window
- Nikolai Ilyich Rostov (Nikolenka, Nikolushka, Nikolashka, Kolya, Nicolas, Coco): Literally has nine names OR cries that no one loves him for like a whole page because he was bruised and no one will let him sit down because his injuries are so minor.
- Ippolit Kuragin: Tells a story in Russian with a French accent because everyone else is speaking French to be fancy.
- Anna Pavlovna Scherer: Tells Prince Vassily he has such nice children ("excluding Anatole, I don't like him")
- Old Prince Bolkonsky: Told his daughter if his son is going to marry such a young woman he is too and then attempts to seduce her 20-something year old best friend.
- Boris Drubetskoy: Tried to woo a girl by writing her super emo poetry in French.
- Balaga: Just bein himself.