Hollywood WISHES it could create this much narrative tension.

#all human nature is here#stealth#support#treachery

A TENSE EPIC

Yeah pretty sure we’re all hoping for a divorce on this one lol

how did this fucker say it’s “not as bad as it sounds” and then somehow end up being even worse than it sounds by the fourth sentence

That’s what we call growth.

Reblog so she lives forever.

YOU GET THE FUCK BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN THAT RIGHT NOW

well damn

Reminder, analytical AI and generative AI aren't the same. While I loathe generative AI and feel there is no ethical way to use it at this time, analytical AI can serve valuable purposes in many fields.

This just caught my mother's breast cancer at what they're calling Stage 0. She's already gotten it removed.

made me think of this

ALT

[id: x/twitter qrt from user styloshka that says "I read a forum post about art once, that it's a product of the dialectic between the effort of the artist and the friction of the medium. You push on the thing and the thing pushes back on you, it has its own voice. The weight of a piano key, the tension of a guitar string." original post from user colleen_daves says "Don't you want to skip over the mindless drudgery that is making art?" I do six stand embroidery and break like 10 needles a day, would I prefer that activity didn't hurt my hands and make me angry? Sure. But that's what makes having the finished piece after so worth it to me."]

link

Cant have shit

Okay so door saga

• The only way into my building is through the front door which locks itself when closed. There's a back entrance but it's deadbolted from the inside. This means the only people who can get into the building are me, my cat sitter with the spare keys, and the people living in the other two units.
• The door to MY unit now... has no doorknob. Impossible to get in.
• There is a shared BACK hallway that leads to the shared basement/back entrance. My back door into this hall is always deadbolted. EXCEPT, fortuitously, right now, since neighbor (Molly) in unit 2 had heard Patches meowing when alone and offered to spend some time with her, so I had the cat sitter unlock the bolt.
• This, LUCKILY, means there is A Way into my unit. But it requires getting into the building, then going THROUGH my neighbors' unit into the back hall, then up to my unit.
• Cat sitter is effectively locked out from Patches, and won't be able to get in if not fixed by the next day.
• Text neighbor about predicament. They're willing to look at my door bUT (it's Christmas) they're not home and not getting home until the next day.
• Next day, text for an update but hear nothing. (Neighbors aren't attached to their phones much). Communicate with catsitter saying "okay if I don't hear back from neighbors, maybe you go over and I contact a locksmith who you can let in?" (since cat sitter has the keys to the building)
• Catsitter is very not keen on the idea
• Patches is unaware she's a prisoner.
• Hear back from neighbors. Say they should be home around 5pm.
• Okay... Good Enough... (Patches graze-feeds so Luckily she hasn't missed any meals but we're going on 24 hours of house arrest Patches).
• 6pm comes. 7pm comes. 7:40pm I text asking for an update. Nothing.
• 8:30pm I'm figuring out what friends I can call to break into my own house. Text neighbor again and notice this text doesn't go through.
• Text neighbor's partner being like "hey sorry, can't seem to reach Molly--". Get a text back "Sorry this is Molly on David's phone! My phone died." Family Christmas plans ran late but they're on their way back and will be home soon. Thank goodness.
• 9pm-ish, they get back, give Patches attention and top up her food. I get a text "David fixed your door!" Woo!
• Friday 5pm I finally get home
• Lugging my suitcase up three flights of stairs while I hear Patches meowing like a dying Victorian child
• Shoes off coat off suitcase down fish out keys unlock door grab doorknob
• ...Doorknob falls off
• Falls off right into my hands
• Staring at doorknob. Staring at door. Patches meowing. Shove doorknob against door like an idiot and no it does not go back on.
• Fucking
• Go down flight of stairs, knock on Molly and David's door. David is luckily home. "My doorknob fell off again can I go home"
• David lets me in. I scoot past their dogs and apparently I startled the more nervous one since she apparently tried to nip at me but I didn't even notice because I'm like my cat.
• Get in through the back hall.
• Patches comes bounding over.
• My cat.
• Doesn't even know she was a prisoner.
• Doesn't even know what a doorknob is.
• Later that night receive a text from neighbor apologizing for the dog and I'm like "I Did Not Even Notice."
• Any attempt to leave my house now is perilous until I fix the doorknob.
• Can't even leave my door cracked open because I know Patches is gonna shove her stupid little face through it and become the opposite of a prisoner.
• I wanna go buy a reeces peanut butter cup but by god it's not worth the risk
• I'm gonna try to fix the doorknob
• Or... buy? a new doorknob?
• On Amazon searching "doorknob".
• Merry Christmas

You are completely right because I have now investigated the knob and can confirm the screw holding the knob to bar was loose. I have tightened the screw and it SEEMS fixed but I’m very Fool Me Once on this since my neighbor also thought they’d fixed it.

There is a Home Depot trip in my future. Or maybe an online purchase if Patches would get off my laptop

Merry Christmas I hope I know how to install a doorknob

Complication. Doorknob is here and I tried to install it, but because my door is older than God, the latch-majig (technical term) is offset like an inch higher than the knob. Modern doorknob has the latch LEVEL with the knob.

To swap in the new knob I'd need to cut a new knob-hole an inch higher in the door which

1. With what tools
2. That would leave an unused gaping doorknob-sized hole in my door which any robber the size of a weasel or smaller will use to rob my home. I don't need fucking Redwall in my home.
3. Probably bad for the integrity of the door
4. I don't wanna.

I think what I really want is just the knob like above tags said. Like the knob and the rectangular bar, which I can substitute in for my stripped-bare knob and rectangle bar. I WOULD do this with the new knob, but it's got two welded-on spokes poking out from the knob.

I can maybe drill two holes for the spokes in my door...?

(Squinting at shitty amazon listings trying to see if any knobs don't have the two spokes)

(I think the two spokes might be standard.)

Developing new respect for Jesus (carpenter).

In the meantime, because I'd already unscrewed a lot of things I DID take the genius action of flipping my current doorknob around.

This way the side that causes problems is on the INSIDE.

Doorknob fall of while INSIDE house significantly better than doorknob fall off while OUTSIDE.

I'm retightening all the screws.

Patches has offered no solutions.

ALT

So it does!

Never heard the term "spindle doorknob" before so I never would have found this on my own.

They're also all labeled "vintage" which extra feels right since my door predates the Cambrian Explosion.

Crowdsourcing my door fix on Tumblr dot com! Doorknob 2.0 is ordered.

ALT

At least 4,000 but we still got time

New doorknob should get here tomorrow, but in the meantime things in the notes of this post:

• Several dozen stories of other people getting locked in/out of bathrooms/basements/classrooms/bedrooms/buildings. Extra shout out to the person whose classmate managed to do this twice, in rapid4reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesdweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
• Patches is on my keyboard
• whose classmate managed to do this twice, in rapid succession, to both sides of a classroom door after being saved the first time.
• Several people taking this as a sign to go tighten their doorknob screws, including someone whose knob fell off in their hands while doing this
• 10 or so people reading the "can't have shit in Detroit" meme to mean I live in Detroit. Sorry to confess I'm a fake Detroitite. Doxxing myself by 0.00001% more by informing the world I live in not-Detroit.
• Many many people wondering why I'm not pestering my landlord about this. Truth is my landlord is way too sexy, cool, fashionable, smart, pretty, funny, and popular on Tumblr to it's me. It's me. I'm me I'm my landlord. It's my condo. Including, with immense regret, every single doorknob inside.
• 3 separate professional locksmiths who have reached out offering advice, which is very cool. I have burst into a virtual hardware store clutching my shit doorknob and fainted, only to be caught by three very strong and cool locksmiths rushing to my aid.
• Person with a story of dogsitting a friend's Tibetan Mastiff who managed to knock the entire backdoor down. Taking inspiration from this to train Patches in battering-ram techniques, should she ever get locked inside again.

DOORKNOB

ALSO MY PAPER TOWELS

(Ran out of paper towels)

Old knob coming off.

Wretched thing. Accursed knob of woe.

Get undid

New knob reign by forceful coup. Went to great pains to PRECISELY wait Patches is escaping

Patches retrieved

Anyway GREAT care was taken to ensure both knobs are ALIGNED, EVEN, SCREWED ON, with the wait hang on

Patches retrieved again.

Anyway

DOORKNOB SCREWED ON

KNOB

Still gonna keep the emergency screwdriver in the hall for probably the next month.

In conclusion look at my cat

certified door post