how 2 tell nonsense jokes & be emotionally unstabl

oonabashed:

epochayur:
people that can swim underwater in chlorine pools with their eyes open are not to be trusted
This is true. I once did this to cheat at a pool game, and a kid in goggles saw me do it. He wanted to know how, so I told him I was part mermaid. He wanted to call bullshit, but I was like, look kid, I can prove it, but you’re not allowed to tell anyone under 18. He said what about his mom, I said, sure, but she won’t believe you, so it didn’t matter if he ratted on me to an adult. He was skeptical but agreed. For the next ten minutes I executed any number of water related feats- I’ve been swimming since I was 3 and was on the swimming and diving team in high school. I crossed the entire span of the pool underwater without taking a breath. I sat on the bottom of the pool for a minute. I lifted him over my head while only treading water. I floated face down without moving for a convincing stretch of time. I did a pretty choice inward pike off the diving board. This was what really convinced him. He’d seen a dolphin show once, apparently, and thought it was pretty comparable.
So yeah. This kid was straight up convinced I was a mermaid and was losing his shit and trying to figure out how to get around his promise. He went over to the hottub to tell all the parents and they all like, smiled and laughed and nodded. He could tell they didn’t believe him. He came back and was like…. “You were right about adults.” “Yeah kid, I know.” “Well but, you’re the most important discovery I’ve ever made! I gotta tell someone!” “Well. You need to establish some credibility first,” I told him. “You have to prove to people that you’re a serious scientific thinker, and then when you say stuff like this, they might believe you.” He thought about this for a second. “But what if you just showed them?” and I said it was against half mermaid rules to show adults anything that could make them suspicious. He took this seriously. He spent the rest of his time in the pool following me around. I taught him how to hold his breath underwater without plugging his nose and how to do a backstroke.
I’m still proud of this, and regret nothing.

(via rainydays-butnotinspace)