never going to shut up about miniroth
NEVER SHUTTING UP ABOUT BABY ANGEAL EITHER BITCHES HAHAAAA
shyrose2 asked:
What would happen if Sephiroth wasn’t impacted by jenova cells and he lived his life like any other human? Would he age normally? If Sephiroth also didn’t have silver hair, would he still get grey hairs and wrinkles in his face? How about facial hair? It’s something I often think about lol
Assuming he takes after Lucrecia: He’d have regular brown hair that would age into this elegant salt and pepper situation. The good hair genes would absolutely still be there, since Lucrecia has gorgeous, thick, long hair. He’d take forever to go gray, and when he does it’s not like he’d look bad 👁️. His skin too. He’d be one of those infuriating people who look twenty years younger than they actually are. The ones who hit fifty and people still think they’re in their early thirties. Combined with the lack of stress from, you know, not being a child soldier raised in a lab, actually getting to have a normal childhood, going to university, finding genuine happiness and fulfillment in life yeah, he’d age like fine wine. The only downside is he’d have to deal with regular human problems like back pain, needing reading glasses, and complaining about “kids these days.” A fair trade for not being possessed by an alien parasite tbh.
Assuming he takes after Hojo: Raisin.
Assuming he takes after Vincent: dilf.
Anonymous asked:
Genesis: *drops a devastating news to Sephiroth about his creation*
Genesis: I'm sure he'll be ok.
later
Genesis: *sees the fire on Nibelheim far away*
Genesis: …
Genesis: whops i miscalculated. How could have guessed that learning the horrible new of his creation would make him snap?
Ghost Angeal: IDIOT!!
*Genesis leads Ghost Angeal back to the Nibelheim reactor*
Genesis: I swear I had good intentions! I even offered him an apple as a token of friendship and reconciliation! Look, it’s right here!
*Genesis picks up the apple and shows it to Angeal like evidence in court*
Ghost Angeal: So because of one damn apple, this planet’s entire timeline will suffer catastrophic repercussions as a cascading byproduct of your drama.
Genesis: Things haven’t escalated that far.
*They both look to the right just in time to see infantryman Cloud—impaled on the end of Sephiroth’s sword—using the momentum to hurl Sephiroth off the reactor platform to his apparent death*
Genesis: HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!
Anonymous asked:
What if a "miracle phenomenon" happens in Midgar that has religious people go insane? Like an image of the Goddess showed up in a stain in a wall or on something like toast bread?
*Zack barges into the break room and nearly makes Sephiroth spill his tea*
Zack: SEPHIROTH! SEPHIROTH! WHERE’S ANGEAL?!
Sephiroth: He’s in the VR room teaching the third class how to spar without killing each other.
Zack: YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND! LOOK! LOOK AT THIS!
*Zack proudly presents a piece of toast*
Sephiroth: If you found that on the ground, please do not consume it.
Zack: NO! I was eating toast for breakfast and was about to take a bite when I noticed this! Look closer!
*Sephiroth squints. There’s a vaguely woman-shaped burn pattern on the toast*
Sephiroth: …What am I looking at.
Zack: THE GODDESS! Can’t you see?! It’s a holy relic! The Goddess chose to manifest herself through my toast! I’m blessed! We’re all blessed!
Sephiroth: It’s toast.
Zack: HOLY TOAST!
*Genesis walks in*
Genesis: What in the Goddess’ name is all this screaming about?
Zack: THE GODDESS!
*Zack immediately shoves the toast in Genesis’ face*
Sephiroth: Zack, please don’t concern Genesis with this. He’s a rational person, a man of science.
*Genesis grabs Zack’s hand and they both drop to their knees in prayer*
Genesis: Blessed Goddess, thank you for manifesting so humbly before your servants. We are unworthy of this divine sign, this miracle granted unto us in the form of a snack.
Sephiroth: I cannot believe I need to have this conversation with two grown men, but a piece of toast that Zack burned because he doesn’t understand toaster settings is not holy in any capacity.
Genesis: I’ll have you know that’s religious intolerance and I will be filing a formal complaint with HR.
Sephiroth: Please, go ahead. I would love to start a reply email with “Re: Accusations of Religious Discrimination Regarding Breakfast Toast.”
Zack: You’re on your own with that opinion! I’ve already told everyone I know! Kunsel, Cissnei, even Aerith confirmed it’s holy! And she’s like, the closest thing to a direct line to the Planet we have!
*Kunsel walks in leading a group of tourists*
Kunsel: —and here we have the SOLDIER break room, where the Holy Toast currently resides. Please form an orderly line for viewing. Photos are allowed but no flash photography.
Genesis: You’re charging people to witness the Goddess’ manifestation?! This is sacred and you’re commodifying it for profit!
Kunsel: Twenty gil per person. Thirty for the deluxe package with a commemorative photo.
Sephiroth, rubbing his temples: I should not be the most sane person in this room right now. It’s just toast.
Zack: It’s not just toast! it’s a conduit for the Goddess’ will! It’s a message!
Genesis: It’s a miracle granted to the faithful! It’s a sign that we are on the righteous path!
*Sephiroth grabs the toast and eats it in two bites*
Sephiroth: And now it is inside me.
Genesis:
Zack:
Anonymous asked:
Is Cloud aware of Zack's obvious crush on him do you think?
🤔🤔 hmm
*Cloud rushes up to Zack during his lunch break*
Cloud: Hey, one of my squadmates is getting married this weekend and I need a date to the wedding—
Zack: And you wanna take ME out?? *grabbing Cloud’s shoulders* YES. Buddy, I thought you’d never ask! Man, this is gonna take our relationship to the next level! I gotta find something nice to wear, do you think the SOLDIER dress uniform is too formal? Should I rent a suit? Oh man, Angeal’s gonna be so proud!
Cloud: …Actually, I was gonna ask if you could give me Aerith’s number.
Zack: REALLY?! So I’m not good enough for you but Aerith is?? You’re gonna betray our friendship—our bond—for a girl you barely know?! We’ve been through missions together, Cloud! I saved your life in that skirmish last month! I shared my lunch with you when you forgot yours! And this is how you repay me?!
Cloud: ….I need Aerith’s number because I want to buy flowers from her to give to my date…
Zack: Oh. Haha. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. My bad. Let me call her for you!
*Zack dials Aerith*
Zack: Hey Aerith! I’mma need a corsage made from my favorite flower. Cloud’s taking me to a wedding.
Cloud: ZACK.
Anonymous asked:
I absolutely LOVE Cloud's Nibelheim customs and superstitions, and how flabbergasted AGSZ get with them lol know any more others?
*Cloud is sitting with Angeal and Zack in the break room when suddenly Zack sneezes*
Cloud: Oh no!
*Cloud immediately removes his scarf and starts beating Zack over the head with it*
Zack: ?!
Angeal: Uh… you good?
Cloud: Yeah, it’s just that back in Nibelheim, there’s this superstition that says if someone sneezes at exactly 1500 hours, it means evil is overtaking them and you have to beat it out before it takes hold.
*Genesis walks by and sneezes*
Cloud: Sir! I’m on it!
*He grabs Angeal’s clipboard off the table and hurls it at Genesis like a frisbee*
Genesis: WHAT IN THE GODDESS’ NAME—
Angeal: Wait, why not the scarf?!
Cloud: Because the taller the person, the more evil can inhabit them. So you need a more severe weapon to drive it out properly.
*Sephiroth walks by and sneezes*
*Cloud wrenches the Buster Sword off Angeal’s back and stands up*
Cloud: I KNEW IT.
Angeal: OH GOD
Anonymous asked:
Sephiroth🤝Vincent: Parenthood towards their biological children runs from them
Tifa: You know… I’m kind of sad about what happened to Kadaj and the others. I feel like there could’ve been a better ending for them.
Cloud: Yeah right. Like what—Sephiroth suddenly deciding he isn’t an evil bastard anymore?
Vincent, nodding: And adopting his remnants. I speak from experience.
*Cloud and Tifa hold their breaths*
Vincent: Because I read it in a book once.
*Cloud and Tifa release their breaths*
Vincent: But yes, it’s tragic that pieces of Sephiroth had to suffer one last time—longing for a parental figure, unable to fill that void because the one person who should have been there was incapable of providing it.
*Cloud and Tifa hold their breaths*
Vincent: I mean Hojo, of course. His incompetence as a father figure.
*Cloud and Tifa release their breaths*
Vincent: Still, I wish I could have helped if they had still been around. I would have fulfilled the grandfather role quite well, I think.
*Cloud and Tifa hold their breaths*
Vincent: Purely due to my age, of course.
*Cloud and Tifa release the longest breath of their lives*
Vincent: ……
Vincent: Lucrecia would’ve loved to meet them.
Cloud: STOP IT
Anonymous asked:
AGSC go to literal hell (Jenova’s territory) for a week. How do they fair?
Wait, HELL hell? Or Jenova’s planet? Let’s do literal hell
Sephiroth: Genuinely confused as to why Satan personally offered him the throne within the first hour.
Cloud: Nothing fazes him. Hell simply does not work on him. They threaten him with eternal torture—he shrugs. “I’ve only ever known torture, so…..” They try psychological torment—he’s been harassed by Sephiroth for years, this is amateur stuff.
Angeal: Sitting in a corner with his arms crossed, refusing to speak to anyone because he cannot believe this is happening. He lectured Zack just last week about how taking the extra soda that fell out of the vending machine was theft—and yet HE’S here and Zack is living his best life as a free man.
Genesis: Absolutely enraged that he ended up here. He is standing at the gates arguing with the intake demon, listing every good deed he’s ever done. “I donated to charity! I saved a cat once!” *The demon brings up the time Genesis mocked Sephiroth during an emotionally vulnerable moment, dismantled his faith in friendship, probably made him question the authenticity of every relationship he’d ever had, and directly contributed to his psychological decline which culminated in the complete destruction of a village of innocent people burned to ash* “IF A BALL IS ON THE EDGE OF A CLIFF AND THE WIND BLOWS IT OFF THE CLIFF, DO YOU BLAME THE WIND FOR THE BALL’S FATE??”
okkks-blog asked:
what if jenova took a break from whispering in sepiroth ear for one day how would he react
*Zack is standing in line behind Sephiroth at the vending machine*
Sephiroth: Zack, should I get the protein bar or the trail mix?
Zack: Hm, tough call. I’d go with the trail mix ‘cuz it keeps you energized longer.
Sephiroth: Okay. And… Should I tell Genesis to fix his posture or let him develop back problems naturally?
Zack: Uh… maybe tell him? Lotta questions today! What’s up?
Sephiroth: I usually have this intuitive voice in my head that guides me in decisions and sometimes steers me toward certain choices, but today it’s absent for some reason. So I’m asking people around me for their opinions instead.
Zack: Okay, great! I’ll take my new advisor job very seriously! What else do you need—financial advice? Love advice? Career guidance? I’m your man!
Sephiroth: If I theoretically wanted to summon a meteor, would that be a Tuesday activity or more of a weekend project?
Zack: Free-time hobby.
Sephiroth: Good thinking.
Anonymous asked:
what would happen if asgzc went to an ikea?
• Zack immediately gets lost. Like, within five minutes. They turn around and he’s gone, vanished into the labyrinth of minimalist Scandinavian furniture. Someone suggests using the intercom to page him but Angeal vetoes it because “he’s a grown man, he’ll figure it out.” (He will not figure it out.)
• Someone hands Sephiroth a Blåhaj. He doesn’t ask for it. A well-meaning employee just places the plush shark in his arms while he’s examining throw pillows, and now he feels morally responsible for it. He’s been carrying it around for forty minutes.
• Genesis is having the time of his life in the home display sections because they feel like stage sets. He keeps positioning himself dramatically in the fake living rooms and reclining on a sofa with an empty wine glass, staring out a fake window with manufactured longing. He’ll address Angeal or Sephiroth like they’re in a play
Genesis: You were supposed to be home five hours ago. I know you were with that blonde from the office.
Sephiroth, without missing a beat: She gives me what you lack, Genesis.
Angeal: Can you both please stop? People are staring.
• They find Zack in the cafeteria, halfway through a plate of Swedish meatballs, completely unaware he was lost.
• Angeal is trying to actually shop but he keeps stopping to complain about the prices versus the quality of the furniture. “Look at this particle board. Particle board. For 80 gil? You could get solid wood for half that at a thrift store in Sector 6.”
• Cloud keeps correcting Zack’s pronunciation and visibly aging with each mispronunciation. It’s taking years off his life.
Zack: Ooh, this sounds exotic! Fajarkon-troll. Is that some kind of mythical creature?
Cloud: Fjärrkontroll means remote control and I am begging you to stop talking.
Anonymous asked:
Sephiroth willing to embrace motherhood for anyone but the children he birthed (the remnants)
Sephiroth: I shall nurture this planet back to its pristine state, guide it with gentle hands through its rebirth, cradle it as it heals from the scars inflicted by humanity’s greed. Mother will be proud.
Cloud: *Kadaj on his hip* And how’s that child support coming along??
Sephiroth: THEY’RE NOT MY KIDS
