sometimes i forget that normal people don’t spend their free time trying to figure out the most emotionally devastating way two fictional characters could confess their love. like sorry you play sports — i’m over here trying to engineer the exact pacing of a heartbreak that will make a stranger cry into their phone at 2 a.m.

writing fanfiction is basically a constant internal war between “this scene is perfect, i am a genius” and “why do i even try, this is the worst combination of words ever arranged by a human being.” there’s no in-between. one minute you’re crying over your own dialogue like shakespeare reincarnated, the next you’re staring at your screen wondering how the english language has managed to fail you this badly.

but then someone comments “this broke me in the best way possible” and suddenly you’re healed. your crops are watered. your brain chemicals realign. you remember why you stayed up until 3 a.m. writing about two emotionally constipated idiots holding hands for the first time.

writing fanfic is such a specific experience. like yes, i am currently writing about two fictional people having a breakdown and confessing their feelings in a metaphor about tea, and yes, i am crying about it. art is happening.

ao3 writers really be like: “this fic ruined my sleep schedule, my mental health, and my faith in coherent plot structure” and then turn around like “anyway here’s part 2.”

sometimes i open my ao3 stats and stare at that little “kudos” number like a proud parent at their child’s graduation. like yes. that’s my little monster. 10 people liked it enough to click a tiny heart.

Here is a little random fic I’ve written

AO3 tags are like: enemies to lovers / found family / trauma / baking competition AU.

me @ my own WIP: you’re perfect, you’re terrible, don’t ever leave me.

HELP!!! Are my characters kissing too soon after 20k words and 8 chapters for the first time???? It’s going to be a longer fic and I’m stressed. I know it’s my story and I can do whatever I want, but what if that’s too early?? Someone answer me!!

AO3 kudos and comments are my love language