Being an adult in this recession and being like wow I am totally "splurging" on 3 new sets of cotton underwear and 3 pairs of socks like whoaaaaa hold your horses duke of the land where's all this money gonna come from

(responding to getting flirted with) heh well, youre pretty sexy yaself baby, (lowers sunglasses to reveal my wicked eyes) im not feeling well, i might die soon

"objectively physically attractive but in possession of negative rizz" is one of my favorite character concepts. i think it's so great when there's an absurdly hot person who's just a complete fucking loser. the mood is unsalvageable the moment they open their mouth kind of deal. you get no bitches because you're so sucks.

peace like a river flows

all texts are risky texts if you have sufficient fear in your heart

Best thing about zip-up hoodies? You can wear ‘em without a shirt and slip ‘em off the shoulder a lil. Leave it half-zipped or unzipped too, like a sexy lil choose-your-own-adventure.

Worst thing about zip-up hoodies? When it’s zipped up and u sit down somewhere and suddenly have to deal with your newest and shittiest conjoined twin, the three-inch flaccid sternum boner

[texts back three years later] haha not much what about you