epilogue to Alone With Your Thoughts Buck gets hurt on a call and Eddie has to leave him behind but that doesn’t mean Buck’s alone. Buck faces his past and gets to talk to someone who gives him a new perspective (hurt!buck coma!buck)

Ripples Buck tries to talk to Maddie about what happened to him that day, who he saw and what it means.

Buck loves visiting with Maddie, his love for his sister is endless and now he has a niece to dote on as well his visits to the Buckley-Han household are even more fun.

Usually that is, today he’s distracted because something is on his mind, has been for months now, since before Maddie and Chim moved into their new grown up (not a murder) house. Since he woke up in a hospital bed and remembered what he thought he’d seen while he was dying. 

He came over today because Maddie had summoned him to help her celebrate; the last box is unpacked and they are officially “Moved In”, who better to celebrate that with than family she’d said.

So he’d turned up and been greeted with a hug and her beaming smile, two of his favourite things, he just  hopes he doesn’t crash her mood, which is a real possibility if he actually goes through with it this time.

He might not, he hasn’t the last three, four or is it five times now that he’s tried. 

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Eddie POV

No Longer Alone 4.5 k series of three short fics based around Eddie’s breakdown in season 5

A Life Like This, Maybe Tomorrow 3.5 k Eddie wants to tell Buck how he feels, what he wants for them, and he will, tomorrow but everyone knows the problem with tomorrow is it never comes.

The Consequence of Sleeplessness 2.9 k Eddie can’t sleep, alone in his bed he reaches out to Buck and in the dark he says too much and no enough.

Time To Come Home 1.9 k Eddie wants to make it clear what Buck means to him and Christopher so he gets him a gift that he hopes will make everything clear.

A Boy Like That 9k Eddie ends up volunteering at a retirement home and makes friends with a guy called Ray who helps to change his point of view.

Too Tired To Think 1.2k when his house is too quiet and he’s too tired to guard his tongue and hide his heart Buck hears more than Eddie intends him too.

Illuminated Patterns 3k Eddie goes on a date Buck babysits and when he gets home Eddie suddenly sees the light

Reach For Me and I’ll Reach For You 8.6k Buck gets hurt on a call, it’s serious but he hides it until he can’t anymore. Eddie’s horrified when he realises what’s wrong but there’s no way he’s leaving him behind.

Spotty’s masterfic list

AUs

To Fly The Skies 60.8k Dragonrider au, angst, drama, love, a blending of 911 and a world wherever telepathic dragons fly the sky.

Fly Away Home 104k sequel to dragonrider au

Love Is Transformational 14.5k magic is real and the Buckley’s are witches. Something goes wrong and Buck ends up transformed into a cat

Lost Without You 22k magic and fairy tales combine. Buck is a prince under a terrible curse and when his time is almost up he meets a man with magic who might have the answer he needs

Good Knight Sweet Prince (WIP 21/21) 165k

Fantasy/Medeival AU Buddie fic. At sixteen Prince Evan’s life becomes entangled with a young man who wants to be a Knight. Their friendship grows and changes over the years, as they’re separated and reunited over time and eventually they find out what they really mean to each other, but a Knight and Prince have very different destinies how can they ever be together?

A Moment Missed
This popped into my head so I’m putting it here and here

Just 500 words of mutual pining from our beloved oblivious idiots.

“What are you doing out in this?”

Standing  on Eddie’s doorstep, a rare thunderstorm as his backdrop Buck hasn’t really got an answer.

“Buck, it rains like three times a year and you choose now to go for a run?” Eddie’s exasperation is clear as he shepherds him inside.

Yes he did. He’s not really sure why but there’s only one place to run to and he’s reached it. The rain is immaterial, an advantage really, it hides things.

“Kitchen.”  A hand on the small of his back drives him forward.

Eddie doesn’t notice, why would he; his face is just wet from the rain, he’s dripping, making puddles on the kitchen floor.

Leaving a mess like he always does.

With the rain on his face Eddie won’t see the tears running down his cheeks, they’ll go unnoticed. 

But that’s not what happens.

Eddie finds the hot tracks of tears lost between the raindrops and he wipes them away, his thumb a hotter brand against his skin than the tears.

“What do you need?”

He wants to say it he really does. 

The single word in his heart.

The truth. 

He wants to rest the ache in his chest in Eddie’s hands. 

He wants that so badly but he can’t. It’s impossible and unfair, unfair  to them both to reach for what he wants, it would break what little of his heart he has left. The part he hasn’t already given wholly to the man waiting for him to answer. 

It would make Eddie so sad to know there was something Buck needed he couldn’t give him. He can’t do that, you don’t hurt the ones you love like that. 

But-

Eddie’s so close.

He’s so close, standing between his legs, a space he might have been made for he fits it so well. His hand is warm and his thumb still rests below his eye. He’s waiting for his answer with kind eyes. 

He could say it; he could tell him and then maybe he’d kiss him.

Maybe he’d love him back.

Maybe he’d mend all the broken jagged parts inside.

Eddie asks again, voice gentle in the quietness between them. 

“Buck? What do you need?”

He opens his mouth to answer.

“A beer. A beer would be good.”

Eddie nods his heart sinking, for a moment he’d hoped. He wants to give Buck what he needs, he just wishes it was something else that he wanted. 

“Sure, no problem.” 

When Eddie turns away Buck misses the disappointment in his eyes - that he’s not what Buck needs and as Eddie moves to hide his heart he misses seeing the hands that clench into fists by Buck’s side as he stops himself from reaching out for something he doesn’t know is already his.

The moment is missed, it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last but one day they’ll both be looking at the same time, in the same direction.

One day there’ll be a moment they won’t miss.

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2.8K

Teen

The Consequence of Sleeplessness

Eddie gets more sleep these days but he doesn’t often sleep well and sometimes, still, he can’t sleep at all. 

Tonight is one of those nights. He can’t get to sleep, not for the same reasons that tormented his nights before, nothing like that, tonight it’s just regular insomnia, he can’t quiet his mind enough to drift off. 

Regardless of the cause it’s been almost two hours of twisting and turning and trying to get comfortable. His phone catches his eye and not for the first time either. He wants to pick it up, wants to dial a number but he shouldn’t, it’s an indulgence he shouldn’t allow himself.

His fingers twitch anyway. Eventually they twitch all the way to his phone and slide and press buttons that lead to a sleepy voice saying his name as a question.

“Eddie?” He can imagine Buck pushing himself up in his bed bleary eyed and confused. “Everyone ok? You ok?” He can hear the slight edge of panic in Buck’s voice too.

“Yes, sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.” He’d hoped Buck would still be up, he feels a little guilty now “Everyone’s ok” he’s quick to apologise and to reassure him.

“Couldn’t sleep then?” Now Buck sounds sympathetic, his voice warm and soft  and Eddie’s weak because even this small piece of Buck, just his voice over the phone soothes him.  He rolls onto his side and  places the phone on the pillow, puts it on speaker, if he tries hard enough he can pretend Buck’s actually here with him.

It’s a fantasy he’s had more than once. 

“I can’t switch off, nothing’s actually wrong, it’s just….” He pauses because what he really wants to say is, it’s just that I missed you today and I wanted to talk to you, but he can’t say that, those are inside thoughts, not to be shared with the world, just kept secret and safe in his heart. What he says instead is

“Can’t settle that’s all.”

“I could read you a story?” Buck laughs softly and Eddie echoes it.

“Why don’t you just tell me what you did today.”

So Buck does, voice rising and falling as he gets more enthusiastic about his day with Jee-Yun. Eddie listens carefully to every word and smiles in the dark. It’s safe to do that in the dark where no one can see him.

Buck’s been enthusing about how smart Jee is and how he’s been doing research into the best ways to help babies learn new words when he stops suddenly, “Sorry I’m probably boring you but hey at least that’ll cure the insomnia huh?”

Eddie disagrees strongly, Buck is constantly doing that, underestimating his value, he needs to stop it. Eddie’s tried to tell him, show him how much he matters more than once. He’ll keep trying though.

“I like listening to you.” Eddie rolls his eyes at himself, it’s almost embarrassing how he sounds.

Buck laughs softly, his disbelief clear  “Well you’d be in the minority then.” 

“Don’t do that, don’t put yourself down.” He’ll make him see one day, probably not today judging from the scoffing noise Buck just made down the phone. He tries again. 

“I really do like listening to you.”

“Yeah?” Buck’s question is soft and wistful. Maybe Eddie is getting through to him after all.

“Yeah”  Eddie responds just as softly. He reaches out to touch the phone, the closest thing he has to Buck right now. 

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Eddie tells Buck how he feels about him, no expectations, just a quiet declaration of his love and that leaves Buck’s mind in a whirl, confused about love and what it looks like. Buck has to do some serious thinking about everything he thought he knew and work out if he really understands love because maybe just maybe he’s missed something important.

Chapter 1 Looking Back 6K Teen

Chapter 2 Looking Forward 3.5K Teen

Looking Forward

When you’re at a wedding or Eddie corrects himself, a vow renewal you’re supposed to mingle, it’s just he’s not in a very mingley kind of a place, not yet. He’s let himself slowly drift until he’s at the edge of all the activity, taking time for a breath or two outside of all the hubbub. He’s just settled himself into a quieter spot with an excellent view when there’s a light tap on his shoulder. He turns and comes face to face with one of the people here he doesn’t actually mind mingling with. The young woman smiling at him starts their conversation with a question,

“What are you doing over here?” She has an amused expression on her face, “Eddie, are you hiding?“ there’s a light tone of scolding but no real sting to May’s words, she understands. She takes a chair next to him with a relieved sigh “mind if I join you for a bit, my feet are killing me!?”

He doesn’t mind at all, “Feel free” he welcomes her and adds  “Nice shoes” as she takes off one of her high heels. Anyway she’s wrong, he’s not really hiding, he’s just found a good spot to take it all in, that’s all, if it happens to be in a quiet corner away from everyone else, well, that’s just a coincidence.

May’s rubbing at her sore foot but looks up at him when he speaks;

“So I’ve heard someone’s off to college.”

May beams, she looks so happy and Eddie’s glad, she’s had a tough time and it’s nice things are going her way now.

“Yes I am” her face reflects her happiness at the choice she’s made. “It feels right, you know. I’m going to go find the me I’m supposed to be.” Her grin is infectious and the corner of his own mouth lifts to match it.

“I’m really happy for you May. You’re going to have a great time.” May deserves everything she wants from life; getting to know Bobby and Athena’s daughter had been an unexpected benefit of his transfer to dispatch. One of the few bright spots in the whole wretched business. Eddie feels unreasonably proud of her, it’s not like he had anything to do with her choice but he finds himself thrilled that she’s getting to start her life finding out who she really is, making choices for herself. His life played out differently but he thinks he’s finally starting to make the choices he wants as well. His eyes flick over to the space opposite him.

May re-captures his attention with another question  “How ‘bout you? You worked out how to be the person you wanted to be yet?”

“Me?” He tries a puzzled frown that he’s not really expecting to fool her. It doesn’t.

“Yes you!”  she quirks an eyebrow at him, “Don’t think I didn’t see right through you last time we talked about this.”

He laughs despite himself, it no longer feels impossible to admit that she might have a point. “You know I think, I think maybe I’m getting there too.”  With a shy smile he adds “at least  I think I know what I want now.”

May looks as proud of him as he was feeling a few moments ago “that’s great Eddie, Bobby said you’re back with the 118 now.”

“Yeah and that’s great but” his eyes drift away again, looking for something, someone in the crowd.  “There’s more that I want now and I think I’m finally ready to start following my heart.” His gaze lands on its goal and lingers.

“Yeah?” May’s voice is soft , “then I’m happy for you too.”

He’s silent a little too long, lost in his thoughts and the scene he’s watching unfold across from them, May looks to see what he’s staring at.

“Eddie?” She’s standing again, nudges him in the side. When he meets her eyes he sees the light of comprehension in them and he finds he doesn’t care. “Good luck with that” she throws him a cheeky grin as she walks away “but from what I’ve heard, I’m not sure you’ll need it.”

She moves away and disappears quickly, caught up in the sea of people here to celebrate the love of two people. He stays where he is, knows he won’t get away with hiding forever. Eddie knows that he’ll come looking for him soon enough but he can stay here and enjoy the view a little while  longer.

He’s found quicker than he expected but it’s not him, it’s his sister instead.

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