If your takeaway from the Black aromantic texts is ‘see this is why romance sucks and its not real and its just a performance!’ you’ve failed to engage in the text. Black aromantic text or at least so far from what I’ve collected isnt romance negative. Like at all. As in there isnt really a romance negative aspect like Michaela Coel and Kimberly Butler who expressed their *personal preferences* to not participate in romance instead of giving a moral judgement of romance altogether. Or, romance negativity is actively addressed in the sense the author doesn’t support it like Tyger Songbird and Sherronda J Brown who’ve specifically said they want romance, friendship, sexual relationships and community to be valued equally not for romance to be abolished altogether. Like the running theme across Black aromantic theory is that the pedestal romance is put on needs to be removed, not an active removal of romance and love themselves. In fact I found a Black aro text specifically detailing the ways Black love is actually aligned with aromanticism in the sense they both subvert conventional white romances and not it’s enemy and that’s one of the texts that got reblogged *the least*. Along with the one talking about antiblackness in the aro community too conveniently enough.

If you actually engage in Black aspec texts and theory, not just give it a quick reblog but actively read them, multiple of them, you’ll see that romance and sex too from Black POVs is complex because of antiblackness, and so romance and sex are complex based on different factors like that and others, so abolition and removal of desire just isn’t the move. The same reason Black asexual theory isn’t just 'ew sex is evil’ no its 'lots of different sexualities are marginalised’.

If you’re only looking at Black aro texts but Black aromanticism in general just to springboard your personal repulsions or worse, reactionary rhetoric against marginalised forms of romantic attraction, you’re not only doing a massive disservice to these writers and activists you’re doing a massive disservice to Black aromantics who need their work too.

ALT

Black Aromantic Texts Masterpost

It can be hard finding aromantic texts especially outside of the context of asexuality. Because of this, Black and mixed perspectives of aromanticism can be left out. That’s why I’m sharing all the works I found for this Aro Week in a masterpost. Please share this around and support the OG Black aro writers and creators too! Tagging @blkaroculture as that’s the new official Black aro culture account.

Michaela Coel On London and Love in Netflix Musical ‘Been So Long’ by Ann Lee on The Culture Trip (2018)

’“I googled aromanticism and I very much felt like, ‘Oh, that’s me.’ Which means if you tell me to dress up nicely because we’re going to go to a dinner with candles, it’s not going to mean a lot to me. It’s a waste of money and I have ingredients at home. Things like weddings and the expense of these things – I would rather settle for the rest of my life with a person. I am OK being by myself.’

Being Aroflux and Black by Kimberly Butler (@/TheAsexualGoddess) for AUREA (2021)

'I think black women could feel more assertive in themselves if they realized that they can be Aromantic and not pushed into this box where they have to play a role they don’t want to play. Black women deserve to explore romantic orientations as well as sexual ones and have a deep dive into how they feel. And that should be respected.’

My Personal Experiences in the Aro community by Jason W. for AUREA (@/DerelictSpectre) (2021)

'I am unaware of any exclusive space for Black aros, however I believe the creation of one would be best for the safety and wellbeing of these members of our community.’

hello! from a Black Aromantic by Mazarae, idkjustwordsyameen.wordpress (2021)

’..but because of my undesirability, because of my Blackness and Black womanhood, and because of my aromantic identity, I feel very much cut off from having the types of relationships that I would like to have.’

“I’ll never fall in love and that’s OK"know what it means to be aromantic by Yasmin Benoit for Stylist (2022)

’'We are taught that you can have everything – great friends, a loving home, a beautiful family, a successful career, comfort within yourself – but if you’re single, you’re incomplete. You haven’t succeeded in life unless someone romantically loves you and you romantically love someone else. Some assume being aromantic must be a terrible thing – like you’re missing something essential. But romantic relationships aren’t the ultimate relationship, and I appreciate all of the others.”

Videos:

Being Aromantic (While Not Asexual) By Nick Hampshire (2017)

My experience being Aromantic Asexual (AROACE) by bmud angel (2022)

‘We are taught that you can have everything – great friends, a loving home, a beautiful family, a successful career, comfort within yourself – but if you’re single, you’re incomplete. You haven’t succeeded in life unless someone romantically loves you and you romantically love someone else. Some assume being aromantic must be a terrible thing – like you’re missing something essential. But romantic relationships aren’t the ultimate relationship, and I appreciate all of the others.’

- Yasmin Benoit for Stylist (2022)

‘While I might not experience the highs of romantic love, I also don’t experience the lows. Instead, I use that same energy to experience the other pleasures life has to offer. Being aromantic encourages me to appreciate these things more deeply, not as something inferior. I find love in so many things, including friendships, helping others, my hobbies and having my own adventures. My confidence is found in having a positive impact in the world, not in my relationship status. Which, by the way, isn’t single. It’s infinite.’

- Yasmin Benoit for Stylist (2022)

‘To black Aromantic people I say keep pushing the odds, keep daring to form a new mold for black kids to come because we’re drowned in content and media that tells us we’re overly sexualized and romanticized and that can change with us. Our families and friends may not understand, the world may not even understand, but as long as you get who you are that’s honestly all that matters. As a collective we can help each other learn and grow, we can push each other in our advocacy and know it’s not a competition. All our efforts should be us trying to get Aromanticism to be taken as seriously as any other orientation.’

- Kimberly Butler (@/TheAsexualGoddess) for AUREA (2021)

“I googled aromanticism and I very much felt like, ‘Oh, that’s me.’ Which means if you tell me to dress up nicely because we’re going to go to a dinner with candles, it’s not going to mean a lot to me. It’s a waste of money and I have ingredients at home. Things like weddings and the expense of these things – I would rather settle for the rest of my life with a person. I am OK being by myself. I like having intimate relationships but I don’t want to change people or want to be changed by anyone. Diamond rings don’t make me happy. Flowers don’t make me smile. I can’t smell them. I don’t have a sense of smell. I want to know who you are.”

- Michaela Coel on being aromantic for The Culture Trip (2018)

As someone who is aromantic, I don’t experience romantic attraction. I don’t ‘fall in love’ in a romantic sense. I don’t have romantic relationships. I don’t date anyone. I don’t have boyfriends or girlfriends, or any kind of romantic partner. 

My emotional connections with other people do not manifest in a romantic way and I have no desire for that to happen – I’m just not that way inclined. It isn’t a lifestyle choice, I didn’t decide to avoid the world of dating because of a bad experience. It’s just the way I’ve always been.

I first realised I was aromantic when my peers seemed to realise they weren’t. From a young age, girls are taught to value romantic love. The message was a fixture in almost everything marketed to us. 

…

For years of my life, it was very rare for me to actually describe myself as ‘aromantic’. I avoided the subject of dating and romantic relationships. But when I did begin embracing the true nature of my orientation, I was met with a surprisingly disturbing backlash. The assumption is that if you don’t or can’t experience romantic love, then you must be cold-hearted. There’s something supposedly ‘evil’ about it, something that has led to strangers online dubbing me a ‘sociopath’ more times than I can count. I’ve been told I must not value human relationships at all, that there must be something wrong with my brain, that I must have no emotions.
…
We are taught that you can have everything – great friends, a loving home, a beautiful family, a successful career, comfort within yourself – but if you’re single, you’re incomplete. You haven’t succeeded in life unless someone romantically loves you and you romantically love someone else. Some assume being aromantic must be a terrible thing – like you’re missing something essential. But romantic relationships aren’t the ultimate relationship, and I appreciate all of the others.

While I might not experience the highs of romantic love, I also don’t experience the lows. Instead, I use that same energy to experience the other pleasures life has to offer. Being aromantic encourages me to appreciate these things more deeply, not as something inferior. I find love in so many things, including friendships, helping others, my hobbies and having my own adventures. My confidence is found in having a positive impact in the world, not in my relationship status. Which, by the way, isn’t single. It’s infinite. 

“I’ll never fall in love and that’s OK” what it means to be aromantic by Yasmin Benoit for Stylist (2022)

While I was taught to protect Black Love, I was also taught (in theory) to love expansively. This means that when I love, I give a lot into it, and that I have the capacity to love many people at once, simultaneously, and often desire to be able to show or express love to multiple people constantly. Perhaps this is why I’m polyamorous. Perhaps also, this is why I am overwhelming for people. Black Love for me is an indivisible entity, and therefore does not ascribe to the categories of “romantic” or “aesthetic” or “alterous” or what have you. It just is.

As someone who has been socialized as, and in part identifies as, a Black woman, something that the culture has shown me is that I must hold love in my heart for Black men—whether this be as a parent, a lover (romantic, sexual, or otherwise), a sibling, a daughter, a friend. However, it has been my experience that even though my Black Love is vast and open, that is not true for men, cis or otherwise, and I am usually harmed in these relationships.

While I’ve been thinking about Black Love and men and my personal gender for awhile, thinking of Black Love and aromanticism together has been a new thing for me. Like I mentioned in the beginning of this (very) long piece, I used to think that Black Love and aromanticism were complete opposites of each other and that it was impossible to hold both at the same time. I used to think that Black Love, in all its vastness, necessitated romantic love. Because to not jump the broom was to disgrace all the ancestors who were never able to, to be without a romantic partner was to turn your head at what my people had suffered to be able to hold hands in public together, confident in their freedom and their safety. From Destiny’s Child to my aunts I was told that I needed a (romantic) partner to lean on, raise kids with, cook for. The world was just beginning to realize the revolutionary power of Black Love. How could I not want to be a part of it?

In searching for a positive definition of aromanticism, I realized something that I was never explicitly taught—Black Love is queer. Black Love is queer in the sense that it does not adhere to societal norms. In fact, it outright does not give a fuck about what society expects from it. Black Love has been doing that shit since Day One (1), and I didn’t even realize. Then again, it didn’t need to be said. Like all queer entities, Black Love is unique to all those who experience it. What it means for me may not be what it means for another Black person, and that’s okay! My aromanticism is the same way. People embody Black Love and aromanticism (and both!) in a myriad of ways. I’m learning that that is really beautiful.

Black Love, hello! from a Black Aromantic by Mazarae, idkjustwordsyameen.wordpress (2021)

It is incredibly frustrating to be aromantic and for people to treat you like you’re heartless, or could never care about anyone at all. We are also put in the unfair and uncomfortable position of justifying our lack of romantic love and explaining the “validity” of other relationship types. It can feel like you’re still stuck within the system, because either way society is telling you that you yourself are not enough, and that you need to be partnered in some way. some people never want a partner, and that’s incredibly fucking valid and should be respected.

In trying to navigate aromantic identity in relationships, I also have to deal with the frustration of being a gender nonconforming Black woman as well. I am hypersexualized, told i’m ugly, expected to perform emotional labor for free, subject to hella micro- and macroagressions, told that i’m scary, and always trying to make myself palatable for someone else. this is exhausting.

and so it is fun to dream and think about love and relationships, and i have some very important and meaningful relationships with folx, but because of my undesirability, because of my Blackness and Black womanhood, and because of my aromantic identity, I feel very much cut off from having the types of relationships that I would like to have. It can be difficult and frustrating and isolating to see friends, family, strangers, move in and out of casual, serious, or no labels types of relationships knowing that if they one day decide to have a romantic partner, they will be supported in that choice. Perhaps not by all of society, perhaps not everywhere, but there are models for what their relationship could look like. Society has given them options on how to find partners–as a Black Aromantic, I have been given nothing.

Being Black, Aro, and Imagining Relationships, hello! from a Black Aromantic by Mazarae, idkjustwordsyameen.wordpress (2021)

…I didn’t see or know of any Black Aromantics, and so thought it was impossible for us to exist. Visibility is important. I had very much bought into the concept of “Black Love” and the only aromantic people I saw where whyte folx and NBPOC (mostly asian) and so I thought aromanticism was diametrically opposed to Blackness as a construct.
…
im not tryna start nuthin’….but when I first started getting plugged in to online aro spaces, I got the impression that this was thee safe haven for aroaces, and what they said was law. It made sense, as they were left out of many other spaces, including LGBTQ+ spaces, and so this was their turf. While the general aro-spec community seemed welcoming of the diversity of experiences in our community, the aromantic community specifically seemed white facing and inaccessible to me, a Black baby aro. to be aromantic and non-asexual was to get shat on like the rest of the allos. A lot of harm and erasure was done there.
I thought this problem would be solved by hanging out with queers of color. At this college access program I participated in me n some of the cute bbs would do “Gay Day Outs” on the weekend and eat mac’n’cheese in a cup and play Never Have I Ever. I tried to come out as aroflux then but eventually settled on greyromantic. It was cute–some people got it, some people didn’t. A lot of people assumed my innocence in sex and romance related things. I still had a (mostly) good time.

hello! from a Black Aromantic by Mazarae, idkjustwordsyameen.wordpress (2021)