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1. |
Descent
01:00
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2. |
Neon Signs
05:07
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I’ve gotten used to feeling like I’m crazy - or just lazy.
Why can’t I get off this floor? Think straight anymore?
Out on the street, I went walking in a punishing heat
-nobody meets my eyes except witty signs and luxury designs.
Every neon sign every flashing light tries to fool you.
Get you on their side, everybody swears they need you
- and only you - to make the buy.
You feel flattered to be wanted and you don’t know why
- it reminds me of that look, that look in your eyes.
Never enough in a world without trust, having to rely upon the lightning flash of lust
- like it’s almost the same as love.
Every neon sign every flashing light tried to fool me.
There I was
- just stretching out my mind to take in every wounded story.
Nothing needs you so badly as a lie, so lonely, drifting, unmoored from real life.
Begging, begging somebody to keep it alive.
Living rough in a world without trust, having to rely upon the honesty of lust.
You had to make yourself wanted, to get what you wanted.
Now you got me - this broken prize, clinging to you but blank in the eyes,
want is a feeling you can’t take alive.
Till I fell out of desire like a slipped knot I fell out of desire and nothing caught I fell out of the fire wasn’t even hot I could feel nothing nothing nothing nothing naught.
My want was honest -
you tried to direct it.
But it was connected
- to something I can’t explain,
immersed in all my pain,
like a root in a ceiling drain breaking apart everything.
I never knew it
- I tried so hard to cut through it.
Never enough in a world without trust, determined broken open and refusing to adjust
- I swear to god I saw real love once.
But nothing needs you so badly as a lie, so lonely, drifting, unmoored from real life
- if nobody believes it all it can do is die.
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3. |
Mirror
04:56
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‘What this dirty old thing? Can’t you see that it’s broken it won’t hold anything?’ You said in your anger and pain - impatiently waving towards - everything. All the memories and stories, the gifts that you got, ragged and ancient, smelling of rot. Well I can’t say I blame you, what else can I do? A bad education got ahold of you. The story was thick and you fell right through, you know, it happened to me before it happened to you. Oh but - put up your aerials your lips or your skin - no matter how jangled signals come in. And all light passes over everything, you were touched by as much of it as anything. I don’t make the rules - I just watch them unfurl - like smoke always rising from the fires of the world. You were dousing your fields in a chemical rain, you were cutting my arm to transcend your own pain. Oh but god is a mirror - everything is. Come a little nearer - everything slips - silver unknown from the lens of your eye, as if into a pool, back up again to rise - and come back at you, doubled in size. Something so of you you can’t recognize the dreams and nightmares you tried to pry - with harsh tools and levers straight out of the sky. God is a mirror, everything is - I don’t know why it’s just the way that it is. But all light passes, it falls straight down, you don’t know you receive it like the grass on the ground.
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4. |
Window
02:41
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My heart is racing as a window opens somewhere to let me out. Streaming down the windowpane, some cold metaphorical literal rain - I’m in physical pain, visceral shame breaks for a second and I can see out again. Outside the street just looks like a painting - what am I doing standing dizzy on my own landing - a change of clothes hastily packed and the key to some apartment cold in my hand - and I know - my heart is racing as a window opens somewhere to let me out - to let me in. To somewhere I already was, softly there in the margins of this so called love - I touch the edge of it - just a glimpse of it - my own life I guess - streaming wild like a ribbon in the wind, unruly, static, this noise within this must-do can’t-say kind of feeling. I can’t explain right now - just that I’m leaving this time. My heart is racing as a window opens somewhere to let me out.
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5. |
Passage
00:48
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6. |
Body Moves
03:27
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‘It’s the end of the world’ you said, your body fooled you your body moved you - and now you can’t go home again. You were crying you’re so confused - why? Your body fooled you, your body moved you - out - of that thing - that you were in. In a cold sweat, blood on your arms, you want somebody you caused the harm. You made it so you had to confess, cause you can’t hide that bad a mess. You were high, numb, spacing out, you messed around and your failed the test, you made it so you had to undress the body that’s beneath all of this. And at the end of the world, your eyes they fool you, your eyes they move you now - you’re seeing way too far. Scared, lost, under duress - you’re begging someone for forgiveness - you don’t know what you had to address, your body fooled you, your body moved you - yes. Now what you had to do was figure out why it had to fool you - were you lost, were you blind, were you trying to hard to be kind? Was it truth - was it lies - was it some kind of trap that you devised to keep yourself from getting out? Ooo - but it hurts so much, you thought you knew what it was you loved - then again - look at this mess your body fooled you, your body moved you yes -
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7. |
Ribbon
03:18
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(Standing at the back of the club - I watched you hit the drum) Shuddering rhythm transmits the rhythm. Fluttering in it - there too - the feeling. Undulating, waving, a wave in it hits me again. Temperamental strip of metal rattling in a porous cage - can’t help shaking every time - lightning strikes again and again. My pain is ordinary. My pain is a canary, singing in the mine, trying to keep you alive. My pain is ordinary, I’m just like anybody - shaken shook up - water on the lip of a cup. Shaking all over from you - or whatever - rattled the plane of skin stretched over flesh and water, can’t help but move, can’t help shaking with the truth. My pain is ordinary, I’m just like anybody. I had to drive cross country just to - I had to drive three highways just to get away from you. Go down to the harbour - just like anybody - I go straight down to the water just to - put my hands in it - feel if it’s cold - bring it to my mouth to taste the salt - tang on my lips, just like a kiss, just like tears this ocean is -
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8. |
Fleuve
01:10
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(Laid out by the height of the river trailing my hand in the water - still there - the bedrock - )
(It’s still there - right near - still there - green and black hills high above - the light - the river - only ever going down)
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9. |
Humanhood
04:11
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Maybe if I go down to the water - maybe I can get back into my body. It’s a hot day, shitty, there’s weeds in the breakers, there’s kids throwing tantrums and circling teenagers. I was changing in the bushes, strip the clothes from my thighs. Crouching for a second, I bare my skin to the sky, sweating, hidden, in the cottonwood and vines. My mind glitching - kinda - thinking dark thoughts lately, thinking - I should admit to somebody - feeling cut off lately - thinking - was I a person? All I ever knew was I, that every morning, I wake up into eyes. I walked down the beach, squinting in the light, across the dirty sand exposed - carrying this humanhood, I went carrying my humanhood, I went carrying this humanhood, trying to make good on it. You always tell me that I walk without grace, something awkward in how I brush the hair from my face, I could be better - if I’d just listen, if I’d change. I slip into the cold shock of waves and dive under. Roll, and look up from under - blurred light, blue white blue white ripples that smash shore into sky, shore into sky - weightless for a second I swim - just breathing. I been carrying this humanhood clumsily carrying this humanhood, not carefully, carrying a body that’s tired from carrying a mind. And this citizenship in this personal life I guess - this citizenship in this history, in this moment in time - one of a generation that might end this world I guess (nobody tells you how to bear this). Was I really as you say - untruthful, untrustworthy you tell me, always falling out of my body when I’m afraid, and I’m always afraid, can’t seem to stay - and bear the weight of it I guess. Carrying this humanhood - it looked like a burden, like a lack of decision, too entangled a vision, too mangled a living - sacred though, precious oh -
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10. |
Irreversible Damage
05:36
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11. |
Lonely
04:36
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How could it be that all this - these strange feelings, this physical pain, this wincing at the sound of your name, was only - a sign of being lonely? How could it be that it was so hard? In a city filled with people- passing through the eye of the needle - passing by so close on the street. I know you felt the weight of it just as hard as I did, that’s why I loved you so much - I understood the coldness in your touch. And why you had to go down to the lake for hours every day, just to see the swallows fly up from the waves. I understood you that way. To be lonely, when everybody else says they’re not, lonely, when everybody else says they’ve got somebody, it’s only you that’s marked - like me. This smudge I can’t wash off. This habitual mistrust of you. The thought I can’t get near to - the place I always disappear to. Something so big I couldn’t see it till it was gone, laying next to him - something so stitched in was undone - and I knew what it was not to be lonely. It don’t fix everything, but I felt so changed - like I could just look up at the sky again - blue and plain, new but still the same. I should have gone down to the Southern Cross - any night of the week. There it was - just a building at the end of a street. To see Felicity sing, or Robin play, sitting at the back of the bar, your hand on my arm. A simple recipe, this medicine really, that can let anything in that I carried with me, all this shame and darkness within. Like it don’t matter - we all just sat there just listening. To a song being sung, and Thom playing some dissonant run, that reminds me - somehow - of that same knot that’s come undone. Like some old wive’s tale - nobody tells you about, just this thing that usually works - somehow.
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12. |
Aurora
01:37
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13. |
Sewing
05:58
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I don’t know quite where to begin. I know it don’t look like I’m doing anything -a mess of scraps - colours clash I know. I’m sewing together a day. From these hours and the way you touched my hand just now, the things you say, and blue. It don’t look like much from here - there’s no straight lines, nothing that clear. Aimless days, bad moods, the changes I can’t get used to. I’m sewing together a year. From boredom, from love, from fear and magnolia petals on the ground, pink on brown on the street. Some people don’t want to see the seams. They want it all done by machine, straight and plain, no traces of making. But no two days are ever the same. Sometimes I get hit by a shattering pain - I won’t try to forget - I’m going to include it. In this undulating thing, this blanket I seem to be making from pride and shame, beauty and guilt, sewing together a quilt. Too late for perfection, to clean up the mess, too late to take it all back I guess. All I can do is sew it in - to - this undulating thing. Whatever it is that I’m making with you, a life, I’ll sew in that too tonight. Too late for perfection, to clean up the mess, too late to take it all back I guess. All i can do is sew in this - too. I’m dying the white colours blue, I’m trying to show to you something I saw and can’t explain - tulips pushed over by rain. I’m trying to cook a meal, I’m hungry, I pull off the peel of whatever sweet thing I’m holding - sink my teeth into knowing it well. I’m walking from side to side, I’m taking pictures of the sky again, I don’t know why - I guess I wanted to -
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The Weather Station Toronto, Ontario
I write songs about things that exist.
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one of my favorite hobbies is not listening to this album for 2 months straight and then getting reminded of it again and being like “holy shit holy fucking shit wow what the hell” over and over again. every track is a bop and a half. I’ll love it forever. There’s a song for lovers, ex’s and most importantly, the homies. live long boygenius <3
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