I wish the anime had adapted this scene of him in the mirror because not only is it one of my favorite panels. I think it’s a really good moment for ‘Hikaru’. He just woke from a nightmare, after hurting Yoshiki the previous day. And it’s the first time he’s really looking at himself, both literally and metaphorically, feeling that intense regret and guilt. He calls himself “gross”, and can’t get out of bed again the rest of the day. Until this point he hadn’t seemed to feel much remorse for anything, he was still figuring out what feelings even are. And while I do love the anime, I really wish it had shown us this quiet moment of him alone, sitting with his new strange feelings.
There was a post I reblogged awhile back talking about how ‘Hikaru’ in the current chapters has such an intense guilt for simply existing, but that it was probably something that’s been building for a long time. And I think this scene is when that actually started taking root inside of him. I dunno I just really love the more quiet and almost unassuming parts like this, because it communicates a lot about a character’s mental state with just the atmosphere alone.
I also love how the panel is directly mirroring (lol) his position over Yoshiki from their fight. Hammers home exactly what he’s guilty about, and signifies the beginning of him trying to really understand how his actions affect others, how this person he loves so much might feel toward him. Their conversation later being full of tears and begging Yoshiki not to hate him lets you know he was really absorbing what happened and realizing how wrong he was.
He has a lot of moments like this again and again and each time just. Hurts my heart. But I also really love seeing him navigate emotions and values throughout the series like this. I genuinely just feel such a deep sadness for him now though lol it’s rough
