No one feels real anymore

Controversial take but someone having trauma doesn't excuse them hurting others

You grow up and learn how to be kind to others and how to be a human being.

That's your responsibility, and you're the one who makes the choice to act on whatever shit you do.

do I really miss what we were or do I just miss the attention? do I really miss you or do I just miss feeling alive? I wish I knew

the lights are still on

music blears out haphazardly 

it doesnt matter

the smoke i gulp down burns my lungs

your breath falls even, it always does 

the casual promise fell the same way 

evenly, dependable, mindlessly 

i cant figure out why i still fall for it 

the dark is oppressive 

my skin throbs where it's been pulled open 

i push the volume up to fight silence 

my hands are shaking

I'm exhausted and I don't know how I'm going to manage making it through this next year alive

A new year isn't a close. We can and do hang onto the bad things that happen to us and we're allowed to. You're not being negative for not being able to hope for the best out of some arbitrary close.

We're in the same position as we have been but now we're going to be faced with others guilting us for not being happy or changing.

We're still in the middle of a global pandemic, that alone is traumatizing. Be kind to yourself but be safe and don't sweep everything that's happening under the rug.

why does he just get to move on after what he did?

Everyone has toxic traits. Grow past them. Learn how to fix them. There's information online. Look up therapy methods. Don't guilt people into comforting you over you thinking you're going to push everyone away.

Chronically ill problems: am I experiencing my normal symptoms or do I have Covid-19

If I were six feet under or trapped in a little glass bottle, I think everyone would be better for it