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It's all just gay cephalopods

@sailorsplatoon / sailorsplatoon.tumblr.com

You can call me Lily, LilyMoon, sailorsplatoon, or whatever you want (I don't really care) | They/Fae | minor | NSFW DNI | #1 DJ Dedf1sh x Agent 4 fan

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About me!

Hi! You can call me Lily, LilyMoon, sailorsplatoon, sailor, or whatver you want, idc.

My pronouns are they/fae (if you need help understanding the neopronon set I use, feel free to ask! I am happy to explain it)

I am a minor (17 years old), so no NSFW interactions on my blog please.

I mostly post about Splatoon, but I'm in a bunch of other fandoms as well, so you might see an occasional post referencing something else.

You're welcome to tag me in anything! I love getting tagged!

About my blog!

This is a bit of a Splatoon ask blog depending on the asks people send. A lot of it is centered around shipping and my ocs, so feel free to send me an ask about them, or an ask about something else if you want as well. Also I recognize that my blog can be very difficult to understand if you don’t have all the lore, so if you have any questions about anything on the blog at all, just send them over and I’m happy to answer them!

I like all sorts of ships, but my OTP is Acht x Agent 4 (or dedfour as I like to call them). I post about them a lot. You can check the #dedfour and #acht x agent 4 tags on my blog if you’re curious what I’ve posted about them in the past!

I post a lot of oc x canon stuff too, which you can find under the #oc x canon tag! Currently there’s Marie x Shina, Shiver x Birch, Frye x Elle, and Callie x Elita. If you want to know more about a specific one, search my blog for a tag of the canon character.

Another one that I've talked about a little bit is a polycule QPR that I've been calling bittersweet pancake, it's between Captain 3, Agent 8, and Big Man. You can find those posts under the #bittersweet pancake tag!

I also now have an oc named Nita, who is in a relationship with @/sniffingcinnamon's oc, Basil! More info on her can be found here, and more info on Basil can be found on cinnamon's blog!

Most of the relationships also have children that I post about frequently, so here's a post with a short guide to all of them! And here is a REALLY long post with a little bit of lore about all of my ocs!

Where to find me!

I have an ao3 account that I post fan fiction on, I also post the same fanfic here on Tumblr!

You can check out my pronouns page if you want to read more on my preferred terms and pronouns.

You can check out my alt blog here! This is mostly just for my personal use and random posting.

I just got a bluesky account! I am still getting used to the site, so there's not much to see right now, but I plan to use it more than I do Twitter. (There's also a good chance I use it frequently and just haven't updated this post since then)

I also have Twitter, but I’m not as active there as I am here.

My fanfiction!

I wanted to put a little list of all the fanfictions I've written so far! If you're curious, give them a read!

This Forgotten Melody is an Acht bacstory that just so happened to be the first fic I ever posted! As a result, it doesn't have a specific tag on my blog, nor is it in any way canon compliant... but you can find it on ao3!

Watch The Sky With You is the Dedfour fic that my blog is based around! You can find it on my tumblr under the tag #Watch the Sky With You, or you can read it on ao3!

I write a ton of very short oneshots on here too! I've archived all of them on ao3 if you're curious. All of these come from writing requests, so feel free to send one if you're interested!

Lastly, there is my most recent fanfiction called An LED Light at the End of the Tunnel!!! This is an Agent 4 angst fic in which Four gets lonely enough to consider turning to the hypnoshades.

Anyway thanks for checking out my blog! Bye!

@sailorsplatoon im gonna do something nefarious

Oh wonderful

*dramatic organ playing*

*tapping fingers together* im boutta buy a volcano secret base

fym no?

no, you're not allowed!!!

You have to be able to articulate why I’m not allowed to buy a sick as fuck awesome secret volcano base

... okay fair. Go buy that sick as fuck awesome secret volcano base

fuck yeahhh *buys awesome secret volcano base with your life savings*

wait why my life savings!?

its expensive? duh

But why can't you use your savings???

spent all of it on your christmas presents

I’ll let you live there if it makes you feel better

... maybe a little

@sailorsplatoon you’ve been offline too many times, I’m sending the whole army

WAIT NO PLEASE

I’ll wait, you have one chance

one chance at what???

to convince me to not send my entire military force

and how am I supposed to do that???

better figure it out

WHY WON'T YOU JUST TELL ME!?

Because I want to flood your house with bees

BUT THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE

well then figure it out

Trial and error. Well I suppose you would only get one trial

Then that's not really trial and error, is it?

No not really, but at least you get to try!

Times’a tickin’ Sailor

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

Time’s up! Any last words?

Interesting choice of last words, oh well!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYY

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

hold on, lunch break

🥪

oh okay cool!

🍜

alright, lunch time’s over *bees come shooting out of your noodles* 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

this is very fun for me

not for me >:(

I’d imagine getting stung by so many bees would suck

yes it would

Anonymous asked:

Don't you hate when the time bees take your parking spot :(

Yes, get out of my parking spot time bees, you're not supposed to park there

Avatar

i take great pleasure in your torment

that’s my name, don’t wear it out!

hey, you’re wearing it out!

boooooo

I should stone you to death in the gallows

you’re wearing it out

Yes because you told me not to

that’s mean >:(

You were mean first >:(

proof?

no idea what youre talking about

Looks like a white screen to me

But it isn't!!

*shrug* no idea what youre talking about

The bee you sent me!!!

don’t know what that means

you’re overreacting

Good, you admit it

damn didn't know milk was evil

Wait what the fuck I drink milk all the time

same. i guess we're just evil

Evil gang! Evil gang!

EVIL GANG! EVIL GANG!

evil gang?

do you want to join the evil gang?

can i pwease join evil gang?

YAAAAAY! so what do we do here?

be evil

now go steal candy from a baby

this will be easy!

*gets crushed by a comically large safe*

what the... where did that come from??

*looks up at empty sky and no buildings in sight*

*lips pop out from under safe* comedic convenience. now could you open the safe so I can get out?

um... sure?

*opens safe*

thanks, now where did that baby go?

over there

*points to a baby carriage*

grandthey that’s a fire hydrant, did you forget your glasses at the old folks home?

I AM WEARING MY GLASSES

They’re forgetting again, @hermitrad can you fetch grandthey’s meds?

*shoves tylenol down @sailorsplatoon ‘s throat* eh close enough

well done! @sailorsplatoon how’re you feeling?

like I want to murder every single one of you

It must be working, this is a common side effect

how is this a side effect?????

I don’t know how the chemicals work

I don't think murderous intent is a common side effect of anything

The label on the bottle begs to differ

where does it say it causes murderous intent???

*points to the murderous intent*

You got some kinda fucked up version that's not supposed to be like that

I got it from Evil Walgreens

Why are you shopping at Evil Walgreens???

they’re the only place that carries the medication you take

Is there something that’s just not clicking orrrr?

I don't understand!

Yeah but what do you not understand?

the fact that there is supposedly only one place that carries the medicine that I don't take

Well, it’s the only location within driving distance. And you do take this medicine; you’ve been taking it for 27 years now

I haven't even been alive for 27 years!!!

Don’t you know stegosaurus?

I am not friends with a stegosaurus because I was not alive!!!

I spoke with stegosaurus’s greatest grandchildren and they said you two were best friends!

Dunno, seem pretty trustworthy to me

They are not!!!

Based on what evidence?

The evidence that they're fucking dead!

Did you attend their funeral?

I was not alive at that time

hard to consider yourself alive at such a young age I suppose

@sailorsplatoon you were offline again today. sending a legion of bees to your house

NOT THE BEES AGAIN PLEASE

500 bees are coming

WHY 500???

first number that came to my head

that's a big fucking number

i can make it bigger!

NO PLEASE DON'T

are you sure? I have about a dozen or so boxes of angry bees I could send you!

send them somewhere else!!!

this is an empty void, there is no where else to send them

send them out of the void!!

If you send them in one direction they’ll come back eventually

is the void an orb???

the void lacks space, volume, and mass

then how the hell are we in it?

It’s best to not linger on it and just accept the fact as it is, you don’t wanna end up like Jerry do you?

Like who???

What are you talking about? I didn’t mention anyone

Jerry?????

i have no idea what you’re talking about, I never knew a Jerry

This is gaslighting

no idea what you’re talking about, Sailor

you're proving my point!

What point? There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no Jerry

Love you too, bestie!

mmmgggrrrggmm love you too bestie

hehe

*psychic hug*

*psychic hug*

*hits you with an aluminum baseball bat*

WHA-- WHY!?

too much affection

nuh uh

prove it

um.... uh....

*boop*

Acting like you like being booped

*boop*

*boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop*

gay walmart: unexpected item in fagging area or whatever. Fuck it just reblog this shit

*salutes as I hit the reblog button*

yes, sir!

well done private

now go die out on the battlefield!

YEAAAHHH wait what

And here comes the first artillery volley, better get to cover!

AAAA

*takes cover*

wake up sailor. its not your fault. the accident happened 40 years ago you need to wake up

not this fucking shit again

wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up

NOT THE FUCKING BE AGAIN

yeah not cool ligknight

THANK YOU

@ligknight have some decency

I am going to turn you into marmalade

because i want to *turns you into marmalade*

I don't wanna be marmalade

says the one who just let me turn them into marmalade

fym "let" you???

I mean you didn’t stop me

How was I supposed to stop you????

resist, duh

I reiterate, how????

So you’re like, NEW new to this stuff

You’ll figure it out. The polymorph should end in a few days to a month

At the latest

I would like to not have to wait that long

its not guaranteed you wait that long, its just likely

I still don't want to have to wait that long

Well it’s not gonna go by any faster if you keep complaining

*you turn back from marmalade to an autistic grandfae*

fuck you >:(

Hey! What’s that for?

you're being a meanie

What did I do? I’m innocent!

You turned me into marmalade

You’re still not over that? It happened like, forever ago!

sure, do what you want, I can’t stop you

yay!!! I'm gonna be mad!!! >:(

You were just saying yay, I don’t think you’re mad

LET ME BE MAD IF I WANT TO BE MAD

imagine if girls really could kiss and yuri really was real

I wish yuri was real

yuri 🤤

fuck your yuri, yaoi time

I'm down for yaoi too!

oh, sorry we just sold out last yaoi. seems like you’re out of luck, better luck next time

hmmm or I could commit thievery

Who would you be stealing from?

uhh..... you?

i told you we’re out

someone else then?? I'll rob the first person I see

the chances of someone having loose yaoi on them is low but definitely not zero

so I just need to keep trying until I find it!!

i mean sure, whatever floats your boat bestie

now go grandfae, be gay and do crime

HEHEHE!!!!! I WILL!!! >:D

They’re so evil, I’m so proud!

YAY!

I'm still not evil but YAY

eeeeevilllll

well no but okay

yuh huh! youre evil!

I am not!!!

yeah you areeeeeee

yessssssss

That’s exactly something an evil person would say

IT IS ALSO SOMETHING A GOOD PERSON WOULD SAY

proof?

uhhh a lot of good people tend to not talk about being evil?

source?

uhhhh logic?

“source?” i made it tf up ass response

You only say that when I’m right

and yet you continue to provide no evidence

my evidence is shut up

Amazing

thank you?

That was sarcasm dingus

oh, my bad

*jabs you in the side*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA fuckin AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA if I may

me when you say nice things to me

nuh uh this is ME when YOU say nice things to ME

NUH UH, ONLY ONE OF US CAN DO THAT

TOO FUCKING BAD

UGH, IM TELLING

TELLING WHO?

MIKE DUNLEAVY

BECAUSE

THAT'S NOT A GOOD REASON

YES IT IS

YUH HUH

*puts tongue out at you*

*flips you off*

*bites your finger*

AAAAAA WHY'D YOU BITE MY FINGER!?

*through clenched teeth* because you flipped me off

And????? You stuck your tongue out at me but I didn't bite that off

You didn’t because that has connotations neither of us particularly care for

Well yes but still

*bites off your finger*

WHAT THE HELL!?

I guess that's fair but still

still what?

I'm mad >:(

be less mad

Alright then, be that way

*looks at wrist like there’s a watch there, there isn’t*

I'm not going to stop being mad anytime soon!

*time passes*

still angy

*more time passes*

still angy

*days pass*

eternally angy

a mad person wouldn’t use “angy” to convey they’re upset

That’s how I know I’m right

nooooo nuh uh

least convincing no in the history of fae kind

“nuh uh” is a effectively a confession

try not to answer any criticism with no challenge (impossible

callout post

maybe this is why my car keeps making all those horrible noises

im lodged in the wheels of your car help

you'll survive. probably

probably? c’mon can you just remove me before you start driving?

but it'll be nice and warm in there if you stay

yeah, that’s cause my warm blood will be splattered everywhere

nah my car just does oozes thick red liquid sometimes

yeah that’s my bodily fluids

nah that's the other people's bodily fluids

Well I’d like if my insides didn’t become part of that scarlet mixture of numerous people’s blood

but don't you want to join the hivemind? It'll be fuuuuun

i’ll pass…

I think you'll like it if you give it a tryyyyyyy

yeah no i dont think so

aw but that means I have to do it the hard way

what does that mean!?

well it means I need to force you to join the hivemind

*gets out a roll of duct tape*

NO WAIT PLEASE DONT DO THIS

If you don't want me to do this, then join the hive mind!!

I like have an individual conscience!

But having collective conscience is so much fun!!

And so is free thought!

You wouldn't say that if you were a part of the hivemind!

That’s because I wouldn’t have free thought!

The point is to not have free thought!

Yeah but I want free thought

But have you considered the financial gains?

What financial gain could there possibly be?

If everyone shares a mind, everyone shares money!

I know damn well the hivemind is broke

... you have no proof

Show me the hivemind’s bank account

Like I'm going to post the hivemind's bank account information on Tumblr. That'd get me kicked out of the hivemind!

Who else is in the hivemind?

Everyone ever, you're the last person to not join

I’m okay with being the tragic hero

hero of what??

The hero against the status quo

but the hivemind is so funnnnn

I’ll pass

Now are you gonna order or are you gonna make everybody else in this 5 Guys wait

since when were we in a 5 Guys?

Very funny. Now are you gonna order or what?

No I'll just leave I guess

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

*watches as the door grows arms and starts swinging*

@sailorsplatoon isat isat isat isat isat isat isat

yep. there are gay people though so it's okay!

HEY ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE how's the Gravity Falls going?

… i dont wanna answer that

*looks at you with my autistic gravity falls fan eyes*

*visibly uncomfortable* …what are you doing?

*keeps staring at you*

*starts sweating* s-sailor why are you doing?

*does not stop staring at you*

d-do you need something??

yes. i must know if you have seen more of my beloved show since we last spoke of it

… i plead the 5th

answer the question

You can’t make me!

Okay

*keeps staring at you*

… can you stop please? *nervous shaking*

Not until you answer my question. Have you watched more Gravity Falls?

… n-no…

Thought so. Watch it. Pleaseeeeee

I want to but i dont have the motivation

I don’t have the motivation for anything at this point Sailor, you should know that

What are you so sad about?

I want you to watch the silly mystery show

I also want to but no energy

Mmmm I wish I could charge you up with energy like a battery

You should find a way to do that

well there's electrocution but I think that'd be counterintuitive

We could try it!

I don't think it will work but I suppose

You ever stuck a metal fork in one of those elecrticity lighter thingies?

i tried once. are you suggesting i do it again?

NO I WAS JUST CURIOUS DO NOT DO IT

*grabbing fork from cupboard*

NO!

*takes the fork away from you*

*grabs another fork from the cupboard*

*takes the fork away from you again*

*grabs another fork from the cupboard*

*takes the fork away from you again and then takes the cupboard away from you*

OUTLET TIME!?!??! 

OUTLET TIME!!!

*puts you in the outlet*

*gets electrocuted like a cartoon character*

*smoking*

How you doing after that?

invigorated

I think bashing my head against a wall will fix me.

@sailorsplatoon this’ll work, right?

absolutely not

are you sure?

yes I am VERY sure

based on what evidence?

the evidence that banging your head against a wall hurts you

but like, what if it fixes all my problems

it definitely won't

what if i just, tried it? just once

why shouldn’t i?

Because bashing your head against a wall will hurt you, and I care about you and don't want you to get hurt

How do you know it’ll hurt?

because it's banging your head against a wall, it's harming you!!

what if its like getting a shot? it hurts at first but it helps you in the long run?

that logic makes absolutely no sense, how does getting shot help you in the long run???

you cant read sailor

oh. jesus fuck. oh my fucking god.

I'm gonna leave now

let me leave

I don’t think so, Sailor

LET ME LEAVE

no, we’re getting back on topic

what if its like getting a shot? it hurts at first but it helps you in the long run?

bashing your head against a wall is NOT like getting a shot. Getting a shot has been proven to be beneficial by several scientists multiple times. Bashing your head against a wall has been proven to hurt you by every single person who has concussed themself by bashing their head against a wall

i ran head first into a metal pole once before and I turned out just fine

Please don't try to replicate that

maybe itll fix all my problems

it definitely will not

but what if it did

But what if

well what if it doesn't?

no biggie, but what if it does work?

if it doesn't work you will be injured, and it's not going to work!!

yeah i get that, but what if it does work

but it woooon't

but

what

if

but

it

won't

you’re avoiding the question

if it does "work" that means you gave yourself brain damage and it will cause a whole slew of other problems

shhh you can’t argue with results

yes I fucking can the results are bullshit

prove it

Okay

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/head-injury

lalalala cant hear you

IT IS PROOF!!!

What’s proof? I don’t know what you’re talking about!

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/head-injury

THIS

No clue what you’re talking about, there’s clearly nothing there

me when im the main character of the legend of zelda

okay that did make me chuckle

*bashes my head against a wall*

*throws a pillow between your head and the wall*

*the pillow bursts into feathers as it is crushed between the wall and the force of my head*

Hey, why’d you do that?

To try to stop you

because I don't want you to hit your head against a wall

because I like you and don't want you to be injured

I think I already gave the answer? I like you and care about you

Because you're super awesome and I enjoy being around you

Because you're a really great person and I like you?

you're just going to keep asking why, aren't you?

*shoots you with my death ray*

why’re you sad?

BECAUSE I JUST GOT SHOT WITH A DEATH RAY

Womp womp. you’ll live

It's a DEATH ray

hitting you with a chair :3

HEY I WAS GONNA USE THAT TO HIT YOU

TOO BAD I DID IT FIRST

FUCK YOU *throws table at you*

YOU HIT ME WITH A CHAIR

BUT A TABLE IS BIGGER THAN A CHAIR

IT WAS THE ONLY OTHER OBJECT IN THE ROOM

WELL THAT'S NOT MY FAULT

YES IT IS YOU DESTROYED THE ONLY OTHER OBJECT

THEN MAKE A NEW OBJECT

HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THAT?

MAGIC? DUH!

I DONT HAVE MAGIC

THEN GET MAGIC

THE MAGIC STORE

DUH

IM BROKE AS SHIT

THEY'RE HAVING A SUPER SALE EVERYTHING IS CHEAP

I have no money

fine do I need to lend you some

i cant pay you back

that's ok you can pay me back by helping me with chores or something

im lazy

ugh fine you can just take my money

im too lazy to walk to the magic store

they can ship it to you same day

i dont have a device to order it with

Do you want to borrow my phone?

youre too far away

Do you want me to come to you so that you can borrow my phone?

but then id have to grab it and thatd be so much work

do you need me to just do it for you??

fine, can you summon a new table and chair please?

ugh fiiine

*summons new table and chair*

Thanks bestie!

*hits you with a chair*

aw man I forgot that's what you were gonna do

ow :(

You’ll be fine

*materializes a chair out of thin air*

IF YOU COULD DO THAT THE WHOLE TIME WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT SOONER!?

spite

*sits down in chair*

Oh boohoo *cup of tea floats into my hand*

The fuck???

I wanted a drink. *sips from tea*

*dries up*

wrong… tea… *fly buzzes out of mouth*

what kind of tea?

dries-you-out-tea

why would you have that?

for when im wet

but what about for when you're dry?

chapstick potion

huh. well okay then

@sailorsplatoon the kind of things im gonna do to you

I don't know if I should be threatened or not...

casting a spell on you as we speak

because, you need to be hexed

that doesn't make any sense >:(

why not?

why would I need to be hexed???

to contain it

THE FUCK IS IT!?

you don’t know about it?

ok newbie, do I have to explain it to you?

@frog-man-moments get a load of this fae, they don’t know what it is!

Skill issue

*shakes you shakes you shakes you*

I WANNA SHAKE YOU

I need to catch a moth and test something out

im researching you

Researching me how???

tests and experiments of the scientific sort

because you fascinate me and continue to impress me

oh, well thank you!

Of course! Only the best for my favorite test subject!

*writing down something in a notebook*

wait what?

Oh nothing! Just keep doing what you’re doing

Don’t worry about it

I am worrying about it

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