my friend liz downloaded some free audio software a few months ago to do something and now every time she joins a call a female voice says “trial. trial.” and liz doesn’t remember the name of the software or know how to stop it and she doesn’t want to
my friend liz had her spotify account hacked and literally didn’t realize for a year until I was talking about my decade in review playlist and she looked at hers and it was all brazilian music and she was like oh this explains why I would go to sleep listening to classical music and wake up and it’s playing trap. and also why there are like 30 playlists on my account that I didn’t make. she just thought spotify was like that
hand to god at some point my friend liz managed to fuck up her install of Portal so bad that it was displaying minecraft textures
tonight she very carefully explained that there’s been a screw rattling around in her laptop for months but today it stopped which means it’s wedged on something and then the image on the screen started sliding sideways but she rebooted three times and now it’s fixed. and then an hour later she dropped from the call
also she said her laptop bluescreens every time she connects to the school wifi specifically I guess just to round things out
Hehehehehe
Can I fucking help you?
my senior english teacher told me that any scene with a woman in a cornfield in every piece of literature ever is about her journey to womanhood/pleasuring herself in the field and i just.... believed her
What
What
dry humping in its specificity as a term implies the existence of wet humping
I've never been more devastated that I'm going to miss an event in my life. What a fucking icon.
never mind, I can make it!!
Update;
She expected maybe 5-10 people to show up. There were about 100.
I gave out scotch eggs to commemorate the occasion.
She gave a beautiful speech, was blindfolded, then kicked REAL good. Crumpled. Gave us a thumbs up.
Applause. Then the flute. Then a moment's silence.
Absolutely beautiful. I fucking love trans people and Glasgow and trans Glaswegians.
hannibal’s name rhyming with cannibal is like vague enough to be a coincidence but he’s also a fancy chef who always serves organ meat and/or raw meat dishes that exactly line up with whatever body part disappeared from the FBI’s most recent batch of bodies, and he serves it to the FBI, who doesn’t notice
Who’s the biggest weed dealer in Baltimore? I have to consult my friend Hannibis Lecter, the renowned gardener
Someone keeps running people over! better talk to my buddy Hehicular Hanslaugher Lecter, the world-famous racecar driver
me at the grocery store: ugh I just want to find a brand of chips that doesn't have any wisecracking skeletons in it
the ever dependable québécois tostitos:
prices are dropping across the board
reddit is having a glitch where it puts the wrong captions over photos and it’s the only thing i care about right now
